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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to defend my son against complaints from neighbours

200 replies

Debdiamond · 09/10/2017 20:42

My son and his friends often mend their cars and motorbikes outside our house. Most of these vehicles are a bit noisy but all are legal. After neighbours complained about the noise late at night, I have asked him to stop at 9pm and he has. However, he does still come and go a couple of times during the evening and usually comes home at 11.30pm. He then leaves the house for work 4 days a week at 5.45am.

This evening, one of the neighbours came around in a drunken rage, shouting, swearing and bawling at them about the noise 'at this time of night'. It was 6.30pm.

I'm the first to moan at him if he's being a pain but as I pointed out to her, it was hardly late. A friend of hers then joined the argument and accused me of 'sticking up for my son', which I was, as I don't think he's doing anything wrong! They then said that most of the immediate neighbours are complaining although only one other person has said anything to me, and that was about a noisy motorbike, which my son had sold a couple of weeks before. Turns out he was being blamed for another noisy motorbike in the area (nothing to do with him).

I pointed out to them that lots of people around here annoy me, kids screaming and crying, gangs of young children playing in the street, dogs barking, people mowing their lawn at 8am on Sunday mornings, (not to mention neighbours who spend half their lives getting drunk) but I don't go kicking off about it. It's an estate where lots of people live so there will be noise so I just accept it. And if the noise was going to bother anyone, surely being right outside mine and my daughters bedrooms, it would get on our nerves before theirs.

As far as I'm concerned they are group of teenage boys doing what teenagers do. They are not particularly rowdy, they don't do drugs or terrorise old ladies and they don't go around stealing anything. They could be a lot worse.

Any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
JonSnowsWife · 09/10/2017 21:26

Also, when he works nights, none of the neighbours tip toe around in silence so he can sleep!

And what about the neighbours who wanted to sleep at 11:30pm? Confused

Piggywaspushed · 09/10/2017 21:26

afternoons/ evenings / on the weekends is a lot of time OP!

BlessYourCottonSocks · 09/10/2017 21:26

You've been told you're pissing off most of your neighbours.

You've been told most people on here agree they would hate to live near you.

But you're going to keep arguing about it, aren't you?

muttmad · 09/10/2017 21:26

We had an old lady living across from us who regularly had her grandsons use the road outside her house to mend their boy racer cars, they were there almost every day, revving the engines and playing the car stereos loudly whilst they were working, they left bolts and other bits all over the road and I can honestly say, it drove us to distraction! I’m betting your son and his mates are very similar..... right down the the ridiculous over sized noisy exhaust pipes that in my opinion should be illegal!

leamington1999 · 09/10/2017 21:26

I think it’s more of a case that your son/mates used to be v rowdy by your own admission - loud music / after hours etc BUT you think they’ve changed and turned over a new leaf.

However to the neighbors, it’s the same old and nothing has changed if you get what I’m saying? They still hear the noise and as it’s relatively recent since they made a ‘change’ they probably haven’t registered this as toned down.

I think the other stuff you’re referencing like children/dogs/car doors etc can be considered general noise and easily toned out if in moderation. As your son used to be quite loud, your neighbors tolerance is low and they will be annoyed whenever they hear it as they think their complaints have been ignored

Welshmaenad · 09/10/2017 21:27

If they were sat around googling things you wouldn't already have had multiple noise complaints from your neighbours. Noise complaints result from noise. You know full well he is being noisy and aggravating people. You need to put a stop to it. And he needs to take his car to a proper mechanic to solve the issue of his antisocially loud exhaust. It's not normal or necessary for a car in good running order to be loud enough to cause that amount of disturbance. It's a bloody stupid souped up fucking Saxo or something equally shut, isn't it? Get the noise reduced.

And no, you don't get to go playing twatty tit-for-tat by complaining about normal residential noise. This isn't residential noise, it's basically commercial noise in a residential area. And that ain't on.

Stop defending him and stop it, before someone complains to the council and makes your life difficult. Or puts a brick through his windscreen. Which I couldn't entirely blame them for.

MaximaDeWit · 09/10/2017 21:28

YABVVVVU.
My parents have neighbours exactly like you. Wish they’d bugger off and tinker with their bikes and crap cars somewhere else. It might only be one or two who’ve approached you but I promise you, most of your neighbours will be moaning to one another about you but are too polite to say anything.

PaintingByNumbers · 09/10/2017 21:28

Oh god, horrific, your poor neighbours

ShellyBoobs · 09/10/2017 21:29

AIBU? Yes!

'No I'm not.'

Anatidae · 09/10/2017 21:29

It’s antisocial.

Anything that impacts your neighbours past the usual ‘driving the car home from work and parking it/taking the bins out/etc’ is antisocial.

Having a group of lads hanging out fixing a car till all hours is antisocial and intimidating, music is antisocial at any volume. If they can hear it, it’s intrusive.

Where I live it’s accepted that you don’t encroach on your neighbours. That means no noise, or diy, or gardening, after mid evening. No music audible outside the house EVER. Maybe a midsummer party, with advance notice and apologies in advance. But the general rule is that your life shouldn’t impact your neighbours.

Honestly? You sound like very difficult neighbours.,

BishBoshBashBop · 09/10/2017 21:29

As my son and his friends all work or are in college, they are not here most days, it's generally afternoons/evenings on a weekend.

When most people are home and can hear his noise.

It doesn't really matter what people say though as you don't seem to be listening.

JonSnowsWife · 09/10/2017 21:29

He did used to play loud music but stopped this around a month ago after I asked him to turn it off before entering our estate.

At 11:30pm at night? Can't think why the neighbours aren't being so amenable.

You seem to be blaming one neighbour for being pissed but you said somebody else joined in, I'm presuming they weren't drunk too?

Question and word of advice OP. Do you own rent or rent of the council? Because the last neighbour we know of to do this short of shit got evicted sharpish.

Piggywaspushed · 09/10/2017 21:31

Some people are being a bit OTT in their criticism.

But, if I were your neighbour, or he were my son, I reckon 30 -45 minutes tops a day, maybe an hour of tinkering would be more than enough.

What can there be to endlessly do? Am not a piston head so could never begin to understand the obsessiveness!

JonSnowsWife · 09/10/2017 21:32

OP. If you don't think 6:30 in the evening is late you cant then have outrageous double standards and say 6:30 is too early to shut/slam car doors. But then I too think they're doing out of annoyance.

Here most people have left for work way before 7am.

Lindy2 · 09/10/2017 21:32

So he wakes everybody up at 5.45 am four days a week and also at 11.30pm. He's not getting much sleep is he and nor are your poor neighbours. I'm guessing they are really hoping he will move out soon.
Near us there were complaints about a very noisy motorbike reving and waking everyone up early each morning. People were getting quite annoyed but he carried on. Somehow though a potato managed to get stuck in his exhaust (must of been some kind of freak accident) and very sadly it damaged his bike when he next reved it. Things are quieter in that road now though.

Ploppie4 · 09/10/2017 21:32

Nightmare!!! 5.45am and 11.30pm!!! With other coming soon and going’s. Unbearable!!

mygorgeousmilo · 09/10/2017 21:33

My idea of hell. You have no idea how inappropriate it is to have teens gathering outside your house making noise and coming and going. Youths lingering in a public area/making noise would come under antisocial behaviour in most LAs. Children playing, people going to work are essential noises and all part of living in a busy area. Encouraging people to work on cars outside the front, including the parking area that's not surely just for you, is outrageous.

mummymummums · 09/10/2017 21:34

Yes, YABU.
No I'm not.
Yes you are.
No I'm not.
Ad nauseum.
Why even ask?

Creambun2 · 09/10/2017 21:34

lindy Grin

BlackeyedSusan · 09/10/2017 21:35

coming home at 11.30 is ok as long as he is quiet.

being outside til 9 is ok as long as he is not too noisy. lots of revving engines would be annoying so maybe do that earlier,

shouting and yelling and swearing not ok. (from neighbour or son. )

remember that teenage lads can be intimidating in a group. nice or not.

if he has been annoying people in the past with loud music, noisy homecomings and loud engine revving... then people's patience goes at one more small thing.

CommanderDaisy · 09/10/2017 21:36

How many cars and bikes fill your impromptu garage? It sounds like several. Do they stay there? or are they moved during the day so you don't look like a used car lot all the time?
I have to say an ongoing mechanics site where I lived that was not a commercial premises would drive me insane, just for the appearance of it all. It would look awful and be intimidating with a pack of random young men wandering around all the time with barely legal cars etc littering up the lawn. Is that something you considered as perhaps upsetting the neighbours as well?
Even if he was quite as a mouse which he obviously hasn't been, he shouldn't be doing it with all his mates regularly. Once a week during the day, on the weekend might be okay, as long as all the crap shuffled off afterwards.
YABU. He needs to hire a space with his friends before someone takes their complaints further.

ShellyBoobs · 09/10/2017 21:37

Nightmare!!! 5.45am and 11.30pm!!! With other coming soon and going’s. Unbearable!!

This.

You admit he's got an extra noisy exhaust on his car and yet he's coming and going at those sorts of times with it?

You had to tell him it's not appropriate to drive through the estate with music at full volume?

He's an inconsiderate twat.

headinhands · 09/10/2017 21:38

I live here but it doesn't annoy me,

Just because it doesn't annoy you doesn't mean it doesn't annoy them. You know you could stop it, they can't.

lalalalyra · 09/10/2017 21:41

How many mates are there?

I'm currently being driven bad by the lad across the way. There's no revving and they are considerate with not banging the tools around. However, no matter how considerate he is there's always 8-12 of them. That number of lads with big voices chatting and laughing and occasionally shouting is loud. And it's every. Single. Day.

LovelyPrep · 09/10/2017 21:42

How much fixing does a car need? Confused it sounds like a hunk of junk.
I'm glad you're not my neighbour. When I read these threads I realise we must be really lucky, nobody lurks outside their house doing weird pointless crap here.