To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

[speedymama]

Visited family in the Midlands last weekend and one of my cousins is looking for a job after being made redundant. He is married with 4 children and they have a mortgage. The youngest child is 3yo and his wife does not work.

She complained to us that she needed a break and wanted to go on holiday but they could not afford it. I expressed my sympathies and said that you cannot always have what you cannot afford and that she should consider taking them for days out to parks which are free. This was greeted with a frosty silence and she then said that everyone deserves to go on holiday and one way or other, they will be going.

My cousin confided to me a few weeks ago that they were having money problems and were avoiding bank etc. Knowing this, I just feel it would be irresponsible of them to even consider wasting money that they do not have on a week away in a caravan (she is considering a Haven holiday).

Am I being anachronistic and old fashion or is she reflecting modern attitude of buy now, worry about it later? I also think that if she wants the holiday, she should get a job to pay for it. That way, he could afford to take a lower paying job which he cannot afford to do at the moment.

oh-h-h this'll be juicy

if she wants a holiday she should get a job and contribute towards it - rather than sacrifice her home

I do agree everyone deserves a holiday (as in a break), but I agree an exxpensive holiday when money is tight is foolish.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, speedymama. I do hope your cousin finds something suitable soon.

The question being, whose right if it is a right?

Is it your right if you are working but not if you can't? Is it a priviledge for all?

I agree in that people who feel they muct have a holiday every year get on my nerves. But at least she doesn't feel she "has to" have a foreign holiday every year like some do.

but otoh it's not really your business is it? It's not like she's going to be able to go on holiday secretly without your cousin knowing.

i personally feel that if I cannot afford to go, that's that then. No holiday. I may consider a small (£200) loan to pay for it, but only if I could afford the payments.

Erm not sure what I think about this.

I would give my right arm for a holiday right now, but i just don't have the money. I could not pay all my bills and then afford to go, but then i'd feel sick and be rahter stupid.

So i suppose yeah it is a priviledge and not a right.

I havent had a holiday since 1998. They are a luxury, you were just being realistic.

Of course it's not a right.

Well I spose it's up to them really if they want to get into debt so they can have a holiday. Maybe your comment would have gone down better if it had just been about the free days out rather than being prefaced with 'you can't have what you can't afford'?

FWIW I think a holiday isn't a right but it is something you can look forward to and can make life a lot less humdrum, esp when things are going badly at home. I'd let them get on with it if I were you. As long as you're not going into debt to fund them then it shouldn't really affect you.

Could be that the family stresses over money etc are contributing to the feeling that she needs to go on holiday? Maybe she is mentally, physically & emotionally drained & depressed?
Going to tha park for a day isn't really the same as going on holiday as she'd still have to come home, do the chores, look after the kids etc.

HOWEVER - perhaps if she got a job that contributed she would feel better about herself (getting out of the house every day etc) and they'd be able to afford it

Surely if you choose to have 4 children you should accept that you'll have to make sacrifices in certain areas so no I don't think you're being unreasonable, but though you may care for them, I don't see there's a lot you can do.

Definitely a priviledge.

tbh I agree with you but not much you can do however frustrating . We had several years of sil needing a holiday despite money being tight. Most infamous example was 2 weeks in Canaries, taking elder kid out of school one December, after which she rang dh to borrow money as they couldn't afford Christmas and were already 3 months behind with the HA rent and on verge of being taken to court - took her 8 months to pay us back rather than 1 as promised and then she had the cheek to ask us again a year later ) She has had holidays courtesy of pil's too but now probably has a higher disposable income than us .

BTW - DH & I haven't been away for about 5 years - we didn't even have a honeymoon cos we couldn't afford it. We ARE going away this year, to a holiday park in the UK on a v v v v cheap deal - and only cos we can afford it

I agree with you Speedymama.

If you can't afford it, you can't have it. Simple as.

It's relevant however much you earn.

I agree that people deserve a break but do not think that this means that people have a "right" to a holiday.

However, I do wonder, speedymama, if her comment was more a reflection on the fact that your comment about "not having what we can't afford" was really quite patronising and could even be considered smug if you said it in the context of not being one of those people yourself?

I agree that to go on holiday when there is a money shortage is certainly not smart, but where redundancy and money stresses are concerned I tend to keep my mouth firmly shut about other people's situations. It is easy to have opinions without all the facts.

SP, she mentioned it to me and I offered my opinion. She did not like my response. I have given my cousin money to help with bills and other family members have contributed because we don't want them to lose their home as that would be disasterous. Under those circumstances, I think she is being negligent and selfish.

Last year, she pestered him to go on holiday and he caved it. She is now doing it again and I think she is putting undue pressure on him. He has confided to me that he has mentioned to her about getting a job but she won't consider it. They live near her family and they always have the children so childcare is not an issue.

I honestly believe that they should not go on holiday because it will worsen their financial position.

a holiday with children isn't a holiday anyway is it really

it's the same old shite but with different walls

If she wants a holiday she should get a job.

What's wrong with her.

Sorry, I'm not a very sympathetic person!

Agree absolutely. Some years we have a holiday, some years the money goes on other things - like moving house! (and that is with both of us in well paid jobs)

It depends on your priorities. I don't go on holidays away from home every year but it doesn't make me feel deprived.

My mum insisted on holidays every year when we were little (we're talking a week camping with a box of food from ASDA) and made economies throughout the year to pay for it.

Of course it's not a right, but it's not a priviledge either, it's just how you decide to dispose of your disposeable income - if you have any.

We were lucky in that my grandma lives in a very picturesque part of Scotland so when things were very tight that was our holiday.