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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

184 replies

speedymama · 10/04/2007 13:50

Visited family in the Midlands last weekend and one of my cousins is looking for a job after being made redundant. He is married with 4 children and they have a mortgage. The youngest child is 3yo and his wife does not work.

She complained to us that she needed a break and wanted to go on holiday but they could not afford it. I expressed my sympathies and said that you cannot always have what you cannot afford and that she should consider taking them for days out to parks which are free. This was greeted with a frosty silence and she then said that everyone deserves to go on holiday and one way or other, they will be going.

My cousin confided to me a few weeks ago that they were having money problems and were avoiding bank etc. Knowing this, I just feel it would be irresponsible of them to even consider wasting money that they do not have on a week away in a caravan (she is considering a Haven holiday).

Am I being anachronistic and old fashion or is she reflecting modern attitude of buy now, worry about it later? I also think that if she wants the holiday, she should get a job to pay for it. That way, he could afford to take a lower paying job which he cannot afford to do at the moment.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 10/04/2007 15:33

We never had holidays as kids either I lived by the sea in ireland and we played in fields and on teh beach and that was it.I don't feel I missed out really as I had nothing to compare it to.But imo it is just like everything today we all think we have a right to a big car a big tv etc etc but it is not realistic and doesn't add to your happiness in any way We need to stop equating a good time with spending money Speech over !

pointydog · 10/04/2007 15:35

mm, I'd say holidays have always been a luxury too. Luxury in the broad sense of the word.

electra · 10/04/2007 15:35

Fair enough, but ime it is futile to try to convince people to change their spending habits. You will probably just end up falling out with them.

Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 16:16

electra, speedy is also helping them financially with bills. For her SIL to harp on about a holiday when speedy is already helping financially AND the woman doesn't even work - well I think it's a bit of a cheek!

custy · 10/04/2007 16:17

i always had holidays as a kid.

i was thoroughly spoiled. twice a year. blackpool and wales.

LittleSarah · 10/04/2007 16:24

I don't think you are being unreasonable. As a child we had quite a few foreign holidays, all lovely but my mum and dad ended up having to sell our lovely house because of their debt.

electra · 10/04/2007 16:45

I'm not saying you don't have the right to be annoyed and frustrated. But there isn't much you can do about it, given your cousin's wife's defensive reaction. I think if you lend someone money you have to take it as a given that they may not necessarily spend it wisely iyswim.

Manictigger · 10/04/2007 16:57

Electra - I dunno about that one. If somebody said 'OMG we've got money problems and can't pay our bills' and I said 'that's okay I'll help you out' I think it's prob reasonable to assume that the money that I gave them would be used to pay their bills and not used for extra unnecessary (in the strictest sense of the word) stuff.

And I think the wife has a bit of a nerve moaning about no holiday in front of someone who has given her money and presumably not asked for it back. In fact perhaps the OP should have said 'if you have any spare money to afford a holiday, perhaps you could return some of the money that various people have kindly given you over the years. Ungrateful cow! (not you Electra) Rant over.

electra · 10/04/2007 17:00

Oh yes, I don't condone this woman's behaviour. But people who are bad with money often don't change. What good will come from raising it with her again?

Manictigger · 10/04/2007 17:05

Very true, but the OP might feel better for saying something because at least then in her own mind, she's done her bit.

PrincessPeaHead · 10/04/2007 17:20

why do you have a view? I can't see that it is absolutely any of your business.

It never fails to amaze me how opinionated people can be about other people's business. And then try and claim the moral high ground over it. FGS

PrincessPeaHead · 10/04/2007 17:23

oooh having just read the thread I can see that only Aloha agrees with me.

That'll do me! >

Aloha · 10/04/2007 17:27

Helloo! I've been pulling stilly faces for a photographer for the last hour, and dd had a spectacular tantrum in a shoe shop when she wasn't allowed to go home in a pair of boy's Doodles four sizes to big. It's all been terribly exhausting!

PrincessPeaHead · 10/04/2007 17:29

was the photographer for you or the kids?!
I've just been to see Meet the Robinsons.... well the kids liked it anyway. And I do always enjoy a spot of salted popcorn in the middle of the day

Aloha · 10/04/2007 17:34

Me, sadly. Work related. Children brutally ignored for the duration.
Would rather have been at the pictures. With nice, civilised OLDER children ideally - or even better, on my own

Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 17:35

Speedy has paid some of her bills! Why should speedy work hard for her money, be kind enough to give some of it to help someone who is supposed to be hard up but can't be bothered to get off her lazy arse and go to work, to then have her whine in her face about not being able to go on holiday?!

It beggars belief!

IMO, it is her business if she's giving her money to help and she is still fecking moaning but not willing to do anything to help herself (by the sound of it).

She sounds like a spoiled brat! If her husband is still out of work and looking for a job why doesn't she get a job to help out in the meantime?

Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 17:36

If someone was helping me with my bills because I was skint, I would not dream of complaining of my lack of holidays. Bloody hell.

paulaplumpbottom · 10/04/2007 17:38

I think everyone deserves a day off but holidays are treats and you have to earn them

Nemo2007 · 10/04/2007 17:38

I semi agree with OP in that yes you dont go away if you dont have the money.We go on cheap camping holidays as DH works and I am a sahm. We dont have much money but I do save towards a holiday so even if it only ends up being a weekend away we will do something. If she is avoiding the bank etc then she really needs to deal with all that as I/we used to do that and now dont as we ended up in real trouble and in a IVA now. Basically means all our money is accounted for[although they insisted food bills would cost in excess of £400 a month when we actually spend £50/60 a week].

ebenezer · 10/04/2007 17:41

Of course she's being bloody unrealistic, and yes, i think it's probably partly the culture nowadays of wanting something and wanting it NOW that's to blame. Would you give your own kids whatever they ask for, whenever they ask for it? Cos I don't really see what the difference is here. If you ain't got the money, you can't afford it, end of. And if they're both currently not working, then as you quite rightly say, there's no reason why she can't look for employment, specially as it seems she's the one who wants the holiday! I certainly wouldn't want to rub anyone's face in it, and tbh I'd stay well out of it cos it's none of your business, but to answer the question, of course it's not a right!

jofeb04 · 10/04/2007 17:42

Holiday's are not a right!
We don't go away, dh will have a week off work and we'll do family stuff,go to the zoo or the park all day.

We try to get away to a cheap holiday park outside school holidays, doubt we'll go when the dc are in school due to the price.

Also, SM,
We had a loan for our honeymoon, best holiday we ever had, but, we are still paying it off now.

Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 17:43

It's this kind of attitude that sees so many people in ridiculous amounts of debt. If they haven't got it, they just borrow it. It's frightening.

electra · 10/04/2007 17:54

But gobbledigook - it was speedy's choice to give them money. If there are conditions attached it's best not to surely?

electra · 10/04/2007 17:55

I think it's fine to be in debt if you can afford to pay it off.

Sobernow · 10/04/2007 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.