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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

184 replies

speedymama · 10/04/2007 13:50

Visited family in the Midlands last weekend and one of my cousins is looking for a job after being made redundant. He is married with 4 children and they have a mortgage. The youngest child is 3yo and his wife does not work.

She complained to us that she needed a break and wanted to go on holiday but they could not afford it. I expressed my sympathies and said that you cannot always have what you cannot afford and that she should consider taking them for days out to parks which are free. This was greeted with a frosty silence and she then said that everyone deserves to go on holiday and one way or other, they will be going.

My cousin confided to me a few weeks ago that they were having money problems and were avoiding bank etc. Knowing this, I just feel it would be irresponsible of them to even consider wasting money that they do not have on a week away in a caravan (she is considering a Haven holiday).

Am I being anachronistic and old fashion or is she reflecting modern attitude of buy now, worry about it later? I also think that if she wants the holiday, she should get a job to pay for it. That way, he could afford to take a lower paying job which he cannot afford to do at the moment.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 10/04/2007 14:23

What if everyone in the family clubbed together financially and gave them an 'early' Christmas present of a holiday? Might include all birthday gifts too....

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 14:24

yes but if they are fed up and need a break, then a holiday may be just what they need

imo

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 14:24

and if I was going to give someone money to help them out, they could spend it how they wished and get a hideous plasma screen if they so wished

MrsPhilipGlenister · 10/04/2007 14:25

gess, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, knowing your circumstances

misdee · 10/04/2007 14:25

you do all know you can get some v v v cheap haven deals online. our best deal was £54 for 4 of us. then 2 years ago for 7 of us was £88.

Rantum · 10/04/2007 14:26

Speedy - that is really odd!

handlemecarefully · 10/04/2007 14:26

Less of the hideous plasma tv OO, mine is very aesthetically pleasing!

Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 14:26

No. I just can't agree.

If she is desperate for a holiday why can't she get a part time job and save up for one? She can't afford it.

We all go without things we can't afford at times. That's life innit?! It's shit sometimes!

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 14:27

hideous

you must be blind

handlemecarefully · 10/04/2007 14:27

OOOOh you're soooo rude

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:28

How about she get a job and then my cousin can take a lower paid job.

Her sister works as a care assistant in an old people's home and lives with parents and never goes on holiday. Why should she be expected to fork out for them to go away and have a good time when she won't even consider getting a job.

OP posts:
oliveoil · 10/04/2007 14:28

oh thanks

x

gess · 10/04/2007 14:28

are plasma screens hot? (Ds1 sniffs TVs- will he end up with a burnt nose if we got one). Sure someone once said they were hot.

Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 14:28

I was brought up in the JT and MrJT school of 'you can't have what you can't afford'. It's ingrained on my brain and I just cannot fathom people who borrow money for holidays and the like. It's really odd.

persephonesnape · 10/04/2007 14:28

having read the thread again i think you should pay for me my my 3 dcs to go on holiday! I work full time, my ex partner is an alcoholic we don't get any maintenance and we've NEVER been on holiday together.

frankly, your SIL doesn't know she's born. I'd be spending my unit trust cash on putting away for the children to have when they're 18 to help with uni/first flat whatever rather than frittering it away on a forthnight in the canaries.

handlemecarefully · 10/04/2007 14:29

No I don't think so gess - just going to check (mine is wall mounted so don't spend a lot of time stroking it, lol)

handlemecarefully · 10/04/2007 14:30

No it's not hot

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:30

That is what I'm going to do Persephone.

OP posts:
gess · 10/04/2007 14:30

speedymamma I thought you said earlier you had been thinking of giving them some cash for a holiday? If you weren't that's fine, no-one has to give anyone else cash for a holiday, but why are we having this conversation . I still suspect she was pissed off with your comments because you can go on holiday. I hate being told to make the best of things by people who can go outside their front door in whatever way they wish, and come inside without having to go through an elaborate routine, but don't mind being told by people in the same situation to make the best of things (because I know they know how hideous it is).

gess · 10/04/2007 14:31

oh thanks for checking hmc

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:32

Gess, I was going to give them money to help towards bills, especially the mortgage as I do not want them to lose their home.

OP posts:
KTeePee · 10/04/2007 14:33

Speedy, if you decide to give them some money for bills, etc. I think you need to decide beforehand that it is a gift, not a loan and also decide that it is up to them what they spend it on. We gave some money to a family member a few years ago with no strings attached, we decided that it would not be fair to them to feel they couldn't have a holiday, etc because of being indebted to us.

Having said that, it doed gall me somewhat that the relative's child has brand-new clothes all the time, more than she can reasonably wear, when mine wear mostly cast-offs, hundreds of pounds spent on toys in between Christmas or birthdays, etc..... and that we have had to delay work on our house because of lack of money. Tbh if they got into trouble again I would hesitate to help again.... don't think the person in question has ever learned to live within her means....

Earlybird · 10/04/2007 14:34

speedymama - what do you think of the two suggestions I have made?

charliecat · 10/04/2007 14:35

Your worreid aboutt hem losing thier home and she couldnt give a monkeys and is going to spend it on a holiday? Dont. Put it in an ISA.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:36

I understand what you are saying KTPee, but I have worked hard for that money and it would upset me to see it frittered away, especially, if they risk losing their house. When I gave him money before, I told him to use it to pay his bills. I don't know if he did but I have never mentioned it again because I don't want him to feel beholden to me.

OP posts: