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AIBU?

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Original poster

To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

184 replies

speedymama · 10/04/2007 13:50

Visited family in the Midlands last weekend and one of my cousins is looking for a job after being made redundant. He is married with 4 children and they have a mortgage. The youngest child is 3yo and his wife does not work.

She complained to us that she needed a break and wanted to go on holiday but they could not afford it. I expressed my sympathies and said that you cannot always have what you cannot afford and that she should consider taking them for days out to parks which are free. This was greeted with a frosty silence and she then said that everyone deserves to go on holiday and one way or other, they will be going.

My cousin confided to me a few weeks ago that they were having money problems and were avoiding bank etc. Knowing this, I just feel it would be irresponsible of them to even consider wasting money that they do not have on a week away in a caravan (she is considering a Haven holiday).

Am I being anachronistic and old fashion or is she reflecting modern attitude of buy now, worry about it later? I also think that if she wants the holiday, she should get a job to pay for it. That way, he could afford to take a lower paying job which he cannot afford to do at the moment.

OP posts:
FillyjonkIsMilitantAboutFruit · 11/04/2007 09:31

I think a holiday IS a bit of a priority

Not necessarily a decent one but-to get away from it all-I NEED that time, I really do. I don't think that should be a luxury.

I am making kind of another arguement though, a more philosophical one.

oh and i have no problem at all with her not working if she has a 3 yo.

hercules1 · 11/04/2007 09:32

How awful to be judged for buying your kids McDonalds and after school activities because a family member gave you some money to pay sopme bills. If she knew you felt that way I bet she would wish she'd never taken it from you in the first place. If you are going to give money to someone to help tehm out it doesnt make them beholden to you in anyway or have to justify every penny they spend in teh future.

PErhaps this thread is a reminder about family and money - seems they dont mix very well.

bozza · 11/04/2007 09:35

Oh yes hercules, if my DC were doing activities (and they are) and we hit bad times (and I am currently threatened with redundancy) I would do my very best to keep those activities going for as long as possible.

charliecat · 11/04/2007 09:37

I think speedymamas relative is buying mcdonalds and swimming lessons and failing to pay the mortgage....she should prioritise the mortgage surely and leave the holiday till shes sorted herself out?

FillyjonkIsMilitantAboutFruit · 11/04/2007 09:42

macdonalds is another thread

but agree.

you MUST give money no strings attatched IMO

my parents want ds to go to a particular nursery (which i am happy with but costs more). so they pay for the nursery direct. this is the way to do it IMO.

Original poster
speedymama · 11/04/2007 09:43

I do not judge people by what they choose to spend their money on btw. Also, they came to me with their problems and I have tried to help as best I can but ultimately, they have to help themselves or else the efforts of everyone else becomes nugatory.

If I had to decide between buying junk food/paying for after school activities/paying or holiday vs paying bills/mortgage, I would choose latter every time. It is a question of priorities.

OP posts:
howdoicarryon · 11/04/2007 10:01

i think it comes down to priorities and responsibilies.

NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d · 11/04/2007 11:23

Re: the question of judging others negatively. I always assume that it happens frequently, people being what they are. The problems only start when those judgements are openly expressed.

agnesnitt · 11/04/2007 11:51

Good grief. The original poster's cousin in law (I think?) sounds like a self-centred twit. I hope someone sits her down and shows her lots of red numbers sometime soon.

As for not working because she has a three year old, fair enough, but her husband doesn't work 24 hours a day does he? I'm sure that even two evenings stacking shelves at asda for a few months would build a tidy sum up, they pay good money for night workers I'm lead to believe.

If she needs a holiday, she needs to find some way of paying for it that doesn't involve debt or charity.

Agnes
(who learnt this sort of thing the hard way)

marieg76 · 11/04/2007 12:42

Of course, every one could do with a break but the OP is right, no one is entitled to a holiday. My DH and I would love a break this year - we've been renovating our house, have just sold and are about to start renovating another place. We can choose to either a) go on holiday or b) make a lovely home for ourselves and bump. We chose option b) and accept our lot.

drosophila · 11/04/2007 15:02

Speedy, how much have you given her (go on I'm being nosey) and why did you give it to her. I would be a bit like your husband and think on yer bike. Sounds to me like you are very good hearted and are finally nearing the end of your tether.

DP's sister hit a financial crisis big time and a lot of it was her own mistake. She had the kids in private school and in a host of after school expensive activities. DP's parents rather than give her some sensible advice like sell the house and downsize, pay off your debts, take the kids out of private school (ok wait until they are due to go to secondary which as luck would have it is around the corner)and live within your means they have instead bailed her out big time paying for everything. Where is the life lesson there?

You do people no favours when you throw money at their problems.

Original poster
speedymama · 11/04/2007 15:15

I won't say exactly how much but it is between £2000-2500. I did it simply to keep the roof over their children's head and there were no strings attached.

After speaking with DH and DM, I realised that enough is enough.

OP posts:
drosophila · 11/04/2007 15:19

I htink they are right although it will be hard for you if they are facing another crisis in the future.

Justaboutmanaging · 14/04/2007 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blondilocks · 14/04/2007 23:49

I consider that I MUST have at least one holiday (preferably abroad) each year - but then I can afford to at the moment & want to make the most of it while I can - you don't know what the future holds.

However I believe that if you can't afford it then you can't really go. I guess it's a case of people's priorities!

expatinscotland · 14/04/2007 23:49

What's wrong with days out at the park?

That's what we do all the time. Just did it today, in fact.

Going on holiday is a priviledge, but for some people, caravan, camping or self-catering cottage isn't enough.

We didn't go on any sort of holiday after we had children till last year.

Now we spend a week in a self-catering cottage still fairly nearby because it's affordable for us.

I agree, it's not a right.

Blondilocks · 14/04/2007 23:53

I do think it is right to be able to comment on what they have spent the money on especially if the OP believed that it was for essentials.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2007 23:59

Why does it need to be foreign?

This is such a beautiful place, this island.

There's so much to see and do right here.

And so many terrific people.

Just today, we went to Northumberland - DH had never been farther south than Berwick - and had an amazing day out and the people were so lovely, we'll be going back for a caravan long weekend.

twinsetandpearls · 15/04/2007 00:03

we proritise holidays and in the days of me being a SAHM that did mean us borrowing money from dp mum to pay for the holiday although they were never foreign holidays usually a week self catering somewhere (as expat says there is no need to go abroad) and once there we have spent very little, and the money was paid back as quickly as we could.

I do think that holidays are important for a family but they need not be expensive.

Blondilocks · 15/04/2007 00:07

I don't know really. Have done a lot of places in the UK & once you've been abroad you get the bug for it!

Plus when I was little I went to loads of interesting places abroad & I want my DD to have the same opportunity.

& also in a lot of cases what you can get abroad is cheaper than what you can get here.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2007 00:13

About as 'abroad' as I want to go is Ireland. Maybe Isle of Man, Channel Islands, perhaps.

That's about it.

twinsetandpearls · 15/04/2007 00:18

I suppose you can go abroad cheaper but does it not tend to be unpleasant accomidation and dire food. I would rather stay in this country and stay in good quality accomodation. I am not a beachpackage holiday kind of person so a week self catering here is great for us.

twinsetandpearls · 15/04/2007 00:19

I love northumberland, I walked Hadrians wall with dd on my back when she was a baby, one of my favourite holidays.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2007 00:20

Caravans, camping and some self-catering are pretty cheap.

I like it that if the children fall ill, we can use the NHS to treat them, that we can use our car no bother, people speak English, etc.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2007 00:21

We really enjoyed Northumberland.

It's definitely on our list of possible holidays, especially because Alnwick Castle is used as some of the setting for Hogwarts School in the Harry Potter films .