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Original poster

To believe that going on holiday is a privilege and not a right?

184 replies

speedymama · 10/04/2007 13:50

Visited family in the Midlands last weekend and one of my cousins is looking for a job after being made redundant. He is married with 4 children and they have a mortgage. The youngest child is 3yo and his wife does not work.

She complained to us that she needed a break and wanted to go on holiday but they could not afford it. I expressed my sympathies and said that you cannot always have what you cannot afford and that she should consider taking them for days out to parks which are free. This was greeted with a frosty silence and she then said that everyone deserves to go on holiday and one way or other, they will be going.

My cousin confided to me a few weeks ago that they were having money problems and were avoiding bank etc. Knowing this, I just feel it would be irresponsible of them to even consider wasting money that they do not have on a week away in a caravan (she is considering a Haven holiday).

Am I being anachronistic and old fashion or is she reflecting modern attitude of buy now, worry about it later? I also think that if she wants the holiday, she should get a job to pay for it. That way, he could afford to take a lower paying job which he cannot afford to do at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:06

Rantum, I was not being smug. I just don't understand how she knowing the financial pressures that they are under, can even countenance something expensive as a holiday. It is madness, especially when we have helped them to pay bills.

I grew up without going on holidays and I do not feel deprived. DH and I go on a week holiday in a holiday park with our DTS because we save up for it. If we could not afford it, we would not even consider it.

OP posts:
Nightynight · 10/04/2007 14:06

holidays are so expensive thse days anyway. my parents used to rent a really basic cottage in some remote part of the UK - outside loo anyone? but it was cheap. I saw a holiday cottage in Devon recently, it was done up with a luxury marble kitchen. Not surprisingly, it cost a fortune to rent.

kittylette · 10/04/2007 14:06

bloody eck - they'll regret it when they return home to a pile of red letters,

DP & i have been together 7 years and have NEVER had a holiday together (apart from 1 week with all the family 6 years ago that was paid for by my mum)

Iklboo · 10/04/2007 14:08

If she went away last year then she can wait! I thought they'd not been away for yonks

Nightynight · 10/04/2007 14:10

speedy - can understand your frustration at the situation you described.

aragon · 10/04/2007 14:12

Sounds like she feels really fed up with the current situation and equates a holiday with getting away from it all. In an ideal world it's the last thing she should be doing financially but it IS hard if you feel that crap about life.

We haven't had a holiday for the past two years and won't have one this year either because we simply cannot afford it - but I'd love one. Fortunately we are in a nice part of the country so can have days out.

The National Trust are good for family days out if there are places near her - annual family membership is about £70 we belong and it keeps me sane. If there are not many places near her though it's probably not worth the money.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:13

I have a unit trust maturing this year and I was contemplating giving him some of it to ease their financial woes but I am now having second thoughts.

OP posts:
colditz · 10/04/2007 14:14

Some people can't see past IwantIwantIwant.

But I do understand how pressured by life she must feel, although if you have already bailed them out a bit, it must be annoying to hear her whinging about a lack of holiday, and make you wonder how much of their problems are self induced.

gess · 10/04/2007 14:14

Can you go on holiday though? We can't at the moment (ds1's autism makes it impossible), and whilst I can accept that I hate it, I hate the feeling of being trapped, and I find holiday talk difficult. I'd hate to be kind of told that I could do a wonderful x, y and z, by someone who could go on holiday whenever they fancied iyswim. Wheareas if someone in my situation said "oh I know its really shit, have you tried days out in parks" then I wouldn't be irritated (although given my attmept at a 5 minute trips out today I think the answer would be no!)

charliecat · 10/04/2007 14:15

I wouldnt give her anything TBH. it will only annoy you when she spends it on a hoidya and still has bills piling up behind her.
Some people are just like that, want want want. Let them get on with it.

Oblomov · 10/04/2007 14:16

Having a holiday is not the issue here.
Its more to do with your view of money / living within your means etc. My BIL 9 aged about 50 or so) never buys anything , if he doesn't have the money for it. If you want a washing machine, you save first.

What an admirable way to live. In this day and age, not many people do. It's all, I want, I want, I want it now, even though I can't afford it.

gess · 10/04/2007 14:16

Because lets face it days out to parks are shit compared to a proper holiday (and I don't want anything flash, camping 10 miles down the road would be enough for me). It's the not being able to that gets to me, rather than what I would actually do if I could.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:17

Yes, you're right, Charliecat. I'll leave them to it and put the money towards something for our DTS.

OP posts:
penmack · 10/04/2007 14:18

some people do seem to think that a yearly holiday is a right even if they cant really afford it. when our kids were very young we had hols at home where we would take at week or 2 off and spend it at home going to the park, making models, perhaps a visit to the zoo or something. the kids loved having everyone at home and having the time to spend all doing stuff together. we have even had indoor picnics when the weather was too bad to have them at the park. but if being at home is stressful (for what ever reason) then getting away can sometimes be the only thing you can think about . perhaps that is the case here.

oliveoil · 10/04/2007 14:18

well having read the thread again

I think you should pay for them to go on holiday

if you were going to give them some money anyway, then who are you to say how they spend it?

4 kids, what sort of job will she be able to get, would be a complete juggle

he is knackered and worried, ditto her, a holiday may be just what they need

Rantum · 10/04/2007 14:19

Speedymama, I agree completely that her attitude seems strange, especially in the context of receiving money from family members to help pay bills etc.

And, if you are helping her then of course you are at liberty to say you think a holiday is a bad idea until one or the other (or both) of them gets a job. I just think that people often say things that are meant to be a plea for sympathy more than anything else.

Was she used to a different lifestyle before the redundancy? Sometimes it is really difficult for people to make a shift in terms of their expectations when something like that happens, - if she is used to holidays abroad, perhaps for her a caravan holiday is, already, a big compromise - I am not saying that this is right, simply that often in these circumstances people need more understanding and less judgement in order to change their attitude.

handlemecarefully · 10/04/2007 14:20

I'd hate not to be able to afford a holiday. I think she is being really quite sensible looking at a budget option.

I tend to think one holiday per year (even if only camping) is pretty much nigh on a necessity. It's good for family 'bonding' and it helps everyone to feel that they have got away from it all.

It's not the same as squandering scarce cash on a plasma tv or other consumer good imo

Earlybird · 10/04/2007 14:20

Completely unreasonable to spend on optional stuff, when money is such an issue.

Does anyone in your family have access to a caravan/holiday cottage etc that could be loaned to them? That way, they could have a change of scenery without incurring expense...if not, I'd think a holiday would be out of the question given their current situation.

gess · 10/04/2007 14:21

I agree with OO (unless you are really hard up yourself). My Mum and Dad have said that next easter they will take time off to help us across to ireland so we can see the in-laws. It's next year, but it's really helped me with this year to know that in a years time we will get away, even if it's only to visit family.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:21

I am not paying for them to go on holiday because I know he, like me, grew up without ever going on holiday and they need to teach the children that you cannot always have what you want.

I will help them to pay bills but holiday, no way. DH and I went without holidays in order to buy our house and when the DTS were babies. Why is sacrifice such a dirty word these days?

OP posts:
LowFatMilkshake · 10/04/2007 14:22

Speedy - I am with you, if you can;t afford it you can;t have it. whats the point at splurging o a holiday to get away from it all if it means you have even more money worries to come back to??

When I was little my mum (widow) went out to work just to pay bills, she had no one to fall back on. Any holidays we had were spent at relatives houses, which for me as a child were just as much fun. And mum had some adult company unlike at home. And even then she still had to scrimp together the rail or coach fare.

By the same token the best we afford this year is 5 days at Butlins. However we will be padding our our holiday to an 8-day break by spending time with my cousins on the weekends before and after.

SIL sounds like an old neigbour we used to have who would come and ask my mum to lend her £5 (bearing in mind what I have said above) to feed her family (her, DH and 3 DC's) She then went straight our for fish and chips. Mum never said to her, but always to me how much further the money would go if she bought a sack of spuds a few cans of beans and some eggs or bread.
She also never said to the woman her own money would last longer if she did'nt smoke and spend all night at the pub!

misdee · 10/04/2007 14:22

i want a holiday, i can afford one but cant bloody go. tell she can holiday here for me, lovely area etc, LVAD chucked in for free and I'll go on holiday.

Original poster
speedymama · 10/04/2007 14:23

Rantum, interestingly, they rarely went on holiday when he was working because they could not afford it! How bizarre is that?!

OP posts:
gess · 10/04/2007 14:23

Well I don't feel that I'm unreasonable in feeling put out that we never have a holiday (by thr time we go to Ireland next year it will have been 3 years since the last family holiday- that was a week camping). I know its life, and its circumstances and it's tough and I can't do anything about it, but I still don't think I'm want want want, or unreasonable by being pissed off about that.

Gobbledigook · 10/04/2007 14:23

Bloody hell you lot are generous. I wouldn't pay for my cousin, WHO DOESN'T WORK, to go on holiday.

I work my bloody arse off and I have 3 kids under 6. She can't work, MY ARSE!

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