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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re ex and DDs periods

234 replies

HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:10

Name changed for this one.

DD 12 (nearly 13) is suffering with her periods. She’s had them about a year and they’re getting worse each month. Bleeding through clothing, awful cramps, she’s given up dance and swimming.

We’ve tried everything in the san pro aisle, tampons hurt her, moonvup she can’t put in, atm she is using thick pads and changing them all the time. Her mattress/bedding is ruined. I’ve had to pick her up from school twice due to soaking through her clothes/pain.

She has asked to go on the pill or have a coil fitted. I spoke to her dad about it and he has absolutely said no way. She’s too young and it’s dangerous. I’ve been bombarded with dodgy links about it causing cancer and death and infertility Hmm. He can be very stubborn and is refusing to shift on it. I’ve told him ultimately it isn’t his decision. He said fine but I’ll be responsible for her future health and I “can’t be bothered” to research it or read his links.

AIBU to agree to her going on the pill? Would a GP fit a coil for a 12 year old? Mirena not the copper obviously

OP posts:
StatelessPrincess · 09/10/2017 15:50

OP I cant understand why you havent taken her to the doctor already, or why you even mentioned it to your ex.

notarehearsal · 09/10/2017 15:54

Your poor DD. Not only has she to suffer in this way due to menstruation but she has her DM discussing this with her DF. Just why would you discuss her personal business with him? My DD had serious health conditions. Obviously the life and death stuff ( literally) was discussed with the ex. The personal health problems certainly were not. It would have betrayed her trust

blackteasplease · 09/10/2017 15:58

Yes I would take her to the gp and get their advice. There may be other prescriptions that may help.

She will likely be found competent to choose. If he kicks up a stink she neednt go to his during her period as she is old enough to choose that too (or soon will be)

NotAgainYoda · 09/10/2017 16:02

IT was unwise to start throwing around the idea of the pill or the coil to him, without seeing a GP first. I don't understand why you would do that

LongWavyHair · 09/10/2017 16:05

Your GP will be able to give you the best advice. One of you is wrong, so unless one of you is a doctor yourself I would go to the GP.

Rachel0Greep · 09/10/2017 16:10

Get proper medical advice ASAP.

HoobleDooble · 09/10/2017 16:14

I haven’t got much to add, just hope you can get her some answers/ solutions. I remember going through similar (wore a pale grey skirt during one of my GCSEs, was sat at the front and my best friend nearly hurdled the desks to wrap her coat round me when she saw me stand up with a huge red patch at the end of the exam). Your DD shouldn’t be having her life limited by this, and your ex can wind his pissing neck in!

lizzieoak · 09/10/2017 16:15

While you're at the Drs (ahem), you might also ask if she needs a blood test for iron levels as she could be a bit low of she's bleeding that much.

Ontheboardwalk · 09/10/2017 16:16

Don't let the GP fob her off though. I suffered for years till my GP finally put me on the pill at 16. He wouldn't even discuss any options with me.

His advice to a 13 year old 'it'll get better after you've had a baby'

Ttbb · 09/10/2017 16:19

That's a really stupid idea. I have seen some horrible things happen to women on the pill, depression, hair loss, weight gain. Her periods are obviously a problem, they are out of the ordinary and are effecting her quality of life. Instead of trying to make medical decisions yourself you should go and see someone who knows what they are doing like, you know, a doctor. A doctor will be able to suggest the best treatment and may also be able to identify the cause of the problem. Only start considering hormonal medications when someone with a medical degree suggests it, by before.

IwantLEGO · 09/10/2017 16:19

It's not his decision or yours tbh. I don't understand why you need to ask his permission? She's bleeding incredibly heavily frequently. Take her to the GP already and THEY can advise.

Ultimately the choice is hers as it's her body. Yes go through things with her and support her but it shouldn't be anyone else's choice but hers, with proper medical advice.

Topseyt · 09/10/2017 16:25

This is between your DD you and the GP.

Why are you sharing any of it with your ex? He sounds like a total arse and I guess he is not medically qualified.

Take her to the GP. Have a list of questions so that you don't forget anything, and make sure it is properly investigated. Tell him nothing further. Just do it and get on with any treatment. He doesn't deserve to be told.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2017 16:26

I would get a referral to a gynaecologist as others have said.

In the interim, as pps has stated, tranexamic acid for the blood loss and mefanamic acid (this is an NSAID so no mixing with ibuprofen etc) for the pain. I think you may be able to get them both otc but the gp can also prescribe.

I have lots of clotting and pain. With regard to your ex’s comment about nutrition and blood flow, I do find that when I eat healthily and a lower carb, higher fat diet, cutting out the junk, my periods are lighter. Sugar for example is oestrogen producing and tends to make the flow heavier for me so there may be something in nutrition for your dd but it would be a piece of the puzzle rather than the solution.

Poor girl. I suffered terribly when I was younger too. But I do agree with pps that I would want to explore other options first. 12 is very young to take synthetic hormones. And you don’t know the affect it will have on your dds endocrine system.

WhyIsThereHariboInMyWine · 09/10/2017 16:27

I had the same issues when I was that age. Words cannot describe how humiliating it is to sit in class for an hour to find that yes that is enough time to completely soak through your uniform and cover the chair.

I cried almost every day I wss on my period because of the humiliation and fear of being seen with blood patches. Birth control solved this for me specifically the implant - also meant I didn't have to remember to take pills every day. Now birth control is horrible for many reasons, I put on weight and my hormones were over the place but it was the price I paid for not being in crippling pain and fear of sitting through just an hour of class.

I would have gone through just about anything to avoid that humiliation and I don't regret the decision now. If she is begging you to help her stop this and you don't help she will never forget it.

I know extra hormones at 13 is awful but at least she will be able to walk down the street with her head held high... honestly I'm tearing up just thinking about what I went through.

mikulkin · 09/10/2017 16:29

Please take her to GP and ask for full check-up with gynecologist and ultra-sound etc.
I had this problem for quite a few years - I underwent a full check-up to eliminate all the terrible things before i was advised to just go on the pill. I am an adult and still my GP insisted on this since it is not normal. In my case turns out nothing is wrong so pill helped.

Teapot13 · 09/10/2017 16:30

I think a father does have a say in a child's medical treatment. If he is concerned he needs to go to the GP with her, though, and ask whatever questions he has.

Any normal man would defer to the women as regards pain and how big a problem it is though. . .

Beaubeagle · 09/10/2017 16:32

I went on the pill at age 12 for horrific periods. It was absolutely nothing to do with my dad and quite frankly not something I would have been happy to have discuss with him. You do what is right for your DD. It really helped me and I'm sure if it was D Ex that was having such a horrible time, he wouldn't be thinking twice! ((hugs))

Justaboy · 09/10/2017 16:33

Dad of 3DD's here! get her to the GP and ask to have this investigated much further before the coil or pills seems to me something else may not be right rule out all other causes first .

Then try to educate your ex on women's problems!

Ohyesiam · 09/10/2017 16:35

Please don't let the gp treat this, she needs to see a gynaecologist and have investigations to find out the cause of her heavy bleeding.
The pill may mask the symptoms, but you need to get to the bottom of it.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 09/10/2017 16:41

Maybe family planning or well woman would be quicker though?

Not for a child I wouldn't.

It really does need to be a GP as a first port of call.

holdthewine · 09/10/2017 16:43

My DD went through all this and it’s utterly miserable. The pill didn’t help her at all, though it does some people it helped me.

Eventually it was 3 out of 4 weeks of each month with terrible pain and flooding and she became anaemic. She saw a gynae but everyone seemed to think it was nothing to worry about but it was ruining her life!

Eventually,^^ after years of this, she was was referred to a female gynaecologist who took action and said “you can’t go on like this”. Under GA she had a laparoscopy to check there was nothing seriously wrong and a Mirena coil was inserted under GA. This changed her life and she has been much better ever since.

There was a thread on this subject a few months ago. I think it was in health. Was good info there.

PM me if you want a recommendation, the Gynaecologist was in West Yorkshire.

Mollie85 · 09/10/2017 16:44

Please get her seen to. I had (and still do have) pain like this and was too scared / embarrassed to go to the doctor. I suffered for years until I was 27 and was diagnosed with uterus didelphys (in a nutshell, I have two sets of reproductive organs) it's highly unlikely to be that as it is fairly rare, but my point is, my mum told me she was heavy and so I thought it was luck of the draw...

Good luck to her Flowers

MrsHJackman · 09/10/2017 16:45

Have only read pages 1&5 of this, in haste. But as someone who didn't get on with tampons as a youngster (had no help from Mum who knew nothing about them) can I just offer the idea of trying Tampax Compak Mini Lites (purple box)? I'm being quite specific, because these are plastic applicator, which I have found to be the only kind I can use. (As I got older, could use the bigger sized more absorbent ones, but even in middle age I still find plastic applicator much easier to use than cardboard, and can't insert the non-applicator types at all.)

Since having children I have had heavy periods, and a tampon combined with pad is the only way to go. It would just give your DD a bit more absorbency - sort of a double layer, so to speak. Poor thing.

I completely agree with other posters saying to take her to a GP. I don't wish to be sexist, but you might get on best with a lady GP, if possible. Our male GP - a perfectly nice chap in many ways - utterly infuriated me when I took my DD13 to him after a year of intermittent abdominal pains that were making her vomit and faint, only to be patronisingly told, "Periods can be quite painful you know." Arse.

holdthewine · 09/10/2017 16:45

Clots are just a sign of heavy bleeding, not worrying in themselves but bleeding that heavily is not the norm. Poor little girl.

lizzieoak · 09/10/2017 16:47

Justaboy, I think the op has said her exh is controlling so (& even if not) once you're divorced it's not part of your job anymore to educate your partner on anything. I don't mean it in a stroppy way, just that interacting with an ex in that way means you're still engaging beyond a business level which - particularly with someone like this - is the last thing you want to do. People like that generally aren't exactly queuing up to get information from their ex.

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