Re ex and DDs periods

[HadloxB]

Name changed for this one.

DD 12 (nearly 13) is suffering with her periods. She’s had them about a year and they’re getting worse each month. Bleeding through clothing, awful cramps, she’s given up dance and swimming.

We’ve tried everything in the san pro aisle, tampons hurt her, moonvup she can’t put in, atm she is using thick pads and changing them all the time. Her mattress/bedding is ruined. I’ve had to pick her up from school twice due to soaking through her clothes/pain.

She has asked to go on the pill or have a coil fitted. I spoke to her dad about it and he has absolutely said no way. She’s too young and it’s dangerous. I’ve been bombarded with dodgy links about it causing cancer and death and infertility . He can be very stubborn and is refusing to shift on it. I’ve told him ultimately it isn’t his decision. He said fine but I’ll be responsible for her future health and I “can’t be bothered” to research it or read his links.

AIBU to agree to her going on the pill? Would a GP fit a coil for a 12 year old? Mirena not the copper obviously

Also I was the same at this age, it did settle down. Nothing was actually wrong.

There's a long road of investigation to go down before you get to the question of the pill. This is not normal and discovering the cause is the most important thing, not just controlling the symptoms.

DD needs to be referred to a consultant gynaecologist not simply seen by the GP.

Acupuncture sorted out my heavy periods. My sister had heavy periods as a teenager and after going to the dr discovered she had Endometrious. So definately worth a drs visit. Good luck.

My advice would be to both take her doctors. Explain the issues and wait for doctor to say "the pill will help" doctor can then explain risks are minimal.

non-steroidal anti-inflammatories can help too for menorrhagia

taking the maximum dose ibuprofen (or better mefanemic acid on prescription) 3 times daily as soon as the period starts. not for pain only but for blood loss has some evidence it helps

but the pill sounds like a good option. I took it as I had polycystic ovaries (although I only suspected then) and had heavy painful infrequent/irregular periods. it worked really well. they got better after my first child so the problem is resolved now

A GP wouldn't fit a coil on a 12 year old, they would refer to gynae if it cant be made better with the above.

I'd take her to see a gynaecologist, private if necessary, especially if your GP is hesistant or unsympathetic.

I was diagnosed with PCOS in my teens after heavy periods, fainting - the lot. The pill helped somewhat, but I was not in the UK. Medical aid in Britain for gynae issues is somewhat lacking, I've found. The sooner you have a diagnosis, the sooner something can be done for the poor soul.

Ignore your ex, he sounds like a nobber.

Maybe family planning or well woman would be quicker though?

I don't think those are appropriate. There will be other things a GP can suggest and provide that aren't hormonal contraception.

Exercise?
Your ex needs to take some exercise, preferably along the lines of FOTTFSOF etc,

What your daughter needs is a proper medical consultation and then to follow the advice / treatment given BY A DOCTOR.

In the meantime incontinence pads and pants are more absorbent which may help her. You can also get washable period pants which can give added security with a pad.

You can get meds that reduce the amount of pain and blood loss - tranexamic and mefenamic acid. Do ask the GP about these as well as the pill. They are only taken for the days of bleeding, so have a shorter term effect and may therefore be easier to sell to your ex (tho I agree with PPs that it's none of his damn business really).

I have a 13 year old DD and an exH, I wouldn't even mention this to him.

He is obsessed with health clearly he isn’t. Nikita and jessica are both right. My sister had this problem from about the same age and the attitude was unfortunately very much of the ‘you’re a woman, it’s what happens, deal with it.’ She actually had PCOS that went undiagnosed (partially because of lack of other normal indicators, she was underweight if anything for example) but she was fobbed off for years and it left her with fertility issues later on. So basically wherever you end up going, don’t go with the idea that the pill or other contraception is the answer. Hope you get her sorted.

I might be wrong but I was told that you can't have a coil fitted unless you have had a child. But things might have changed now.

I would deffinatly take her to the doctors as they might decide to put her on a form of contraceptive pill to help her periods and this way her dad won't have a say in the matter as its the doctors recommendation.
One of my friends I was at school with when I was around your dd age used to be on the pill because of her heavy period pains and cramps.

Don't discuss anything to do with her health or wellbeing with him in future.

She's 12 now, she will from here on in start taking responsibility for this area herself, and you seem to be the person best placed to advise and support her in that.

Don't even feed back any further on this - just delete him from this area of her life. Not only does he sound ill-fitted to advise, he's clearly mainly concerned with pushing his own agenda rather than supporting his daughter. So, no role for him here.

Tell him to fuck off. Unless he's a gynaecologist, this is nothing to do with him. There may be long term health risks with some treatments, but it's the short term health risks which are of more concern just now.

When she sees the GP, it will be helpful if she has a record of symptoms - dates of last periods; pain; amount of bleeding (usually measured in sanitary protection and how frequently it needs changing;) if there are any clots, a rough idea of the size (over 50p size counts as large); any flooding and so on. You've already put most of that into this thread anyway, but take it as a list.

Make sure she's also checked for anaemia.

All the very best for her. Things can be done, so I hope things are more manageable soon.

I second ourmiracle. Of course he will be as concerned as you are about the health and well-being of his DD but it will be difficult for him to appreciate just how traumatic this issue will be to your daughter. A GP will be able to explain this to him in a professional, factual way and, by the three of you attending together, you will both be able to help her in whatever management is most suitable.
Of course, this is dependant on your daughter being happy about that arrangement.

I have a 15yo who has problems with heavy periods - not as bad as your dd though. Definitely take her to the GP and get it looked at. My dd manages with ibuprofen as soon as her period starts. Also google period pants as that has been a life saver for her. Some of the more expensive versions are actually designed to be used without sanpro so ought to give her reasonable security although my 2 get by with diary dolls from Boots.

My daughter was in the exact same situation with her periods. A quick visit to the gp and a blood test she was prescribed medication to reduce blood flow and another to relieve the cramps. These were to be taken on the 1st day of her period and worked wonders for her.
Definitely other options to be discussed. Oh and just to add my daughter no longer needs to take the medication so fingers crossed your daughter will also have a positive solution. As for dad... I would probably not bother discussing it further with him.

Go to the GP. When I was your daughters age I had the same problem. The pill wasn't necessary. I just had to take some special tablets twice a day while I was on my period that reduced the flow and Therefore the cramping etc and some special painkillers. When I was 19 my periods began to get normal again. There are loads of options op.

tatty cross posted, are you my mum?

Just to let you know, OP, there are other non hormonal options too such as mefenemic and/or tranexamic acid tablets that can reduce flow and cramps. My GP prescribed it for me when I was 12 for the same reason.

But yes a visit to the GP is definitely in order. Hope it gets sorted soon.

I went in the pill at 13, for horrendous periods and terrible acne. My Dad didn't know (divorced parents) Mum didn't think to consult with him and I'd have been mortified anyway at that age.

Dad saw the pills in my make up bag when he took me on holiday when I was 14. I hadn't bothered to hide them, I had no reason to. Went absolutely nuclear, rang my Mum and went mad etc. Totally embarrassing for me trying to explain I wasn't having sex (I really wasn't I didn't even have a boyfriend!) and he didn't shut up until Mum really told him off. He was very sorry afterwards. He did apologise profusely and told me not to be embarrassed about it. It was a good lesson in hindsight to see how parents can get it wrong sometimes and it's good to see them admit this occasionally.

This will be really embarrassing for her not to mention painful. He needs to get his head out of his arse and let the doctors decide (along with her and you) what's best if he really believes the nonsense that diet and exercise will fix this!

BTW I went on to have PCOS, it can be linked though didn't get diagnosed until I was 21. Best to push early as possible for investigation, she might just be unlucky with heavy periods but this doesn't sound 'normal' to me.

I was going to suggest Tranxemic acid too, but I think a visit to the gp is her first port of call. It could be caused by any number of things. She should also do a period diary which she records what each day is like. She could do colour from light for the light days and dark for the heaviest ones. I did one and it really got it across to my gp there was something wrong. It seem just saying you have heavy periods and seem to be bleeding more than not, isnt enough
I would worry that she is put on something, but won't be allowed to take it when at her dads.
But I really do feel for your daughter. It is no fun having such heavy periods, especially at such a young age & a hot water for her.

I think talking to dr about it all is the wisest thing to do. They may be able to suggest something to help, before going down contraception route. They may decide it's not normal and refer her.