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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re ex and DDs periods

234 replies

HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:10

Name changed for this one.

DD 12 (nearly 13) is suffering with her periods. She’s had them about a year and they’re getting worse each month. Bleeding through clothing, awful cramps, she’s given up dance and swimming.

We’ve tried everything in the san pro aisle, tampons hurt her, moonvup she can’t put in, atm she is using thick pads and changing them all the time. Her mattress/bedding is ruined. I’ve had to pick her up from school twice due to soaking through her clothes/pain.

She has asked to go on the pill or have a coil fitted. I spoke to her dad about it and he has absolutely said no way. She’s too young and it’s dangerous. I’ve been bombarded with dodgy links about it causing cancer and death and infertility Hmm. He can be very stubborn and is refusing to shift on it. I’ve told him ultimately it isn’t his decision. He said fine but I’ll be responsible for her future health and I “can’t be bothered” to research it or read his links.

AIBU to agree to her going on the pill? Would a GP fit a coil for a 12 year old? Mirena not the copper obviously

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 09/10/2017 14:25

I'm not sure either of your solutions would be suitable for a 12 yr old, definatly go to the GP because the bleeding you've described is not normal.

MsMommie · 09/10/2017 14:25

I don't think the pill or the coil are appropriate for non sexually active children. The risks far outweigh any benefit .

Visit your GP and see what he suggests.

shhhfastasleep · 09/10/2017 14:25

He’s never had a period and no amount of reading Men’s Health and going to the gym makes you understand what hellish periods are. Poor girl. She needs love and support and proper health care advice not nonsense.

Original poster
HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:26

Somebody asked what his suggestion is?

Exercise and a good diet Hmm

OP posts:
CrispPacket · 09/10/2017 14:27

Exercise and a good diet?....erm. What?!

BlueSapp · 09/10/2017 14:28

Definatly take her to the GP I don't think this is a contreception issue

Original poster
HadloxB · 09/10/2017 14:29

Exercise and a good diet fix everything. In fact nobody should need to take antidepressants if they just went for a nice walk. True story Hmm

OP posts:
shhhfastasleep · 09/10/2017 14:29

Exercise and a good diet? For terrible period problems? What a knob. Yes exercise and a good diet are always a good thing and have a role to play. But if it was that fucking simple then we would be solving all menstrual problems with that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/10/2017 14:29

Yeah cos she's going to feel like exercising and eating goji berries if she feels like crap and is in pain Hmm

Sue probably could do with a work up make sure her iron levels are ok etc

Might not come to the pill but the gp is the best place to start

Nikitasol · 09/10/2017 14:31

Excuse me but please can you look at other options first before just whacking her on the pill! It may be anaemia issues, poly cystic ovaries, endometriosis or many other things.

Please please get her referred to the gynaecology outpatients at your local hospital to see a consultant there. It's really important that you do as those issues won't clear up with contraception they'll just be lurking for later. Get your doctor to refer her.

I was put ón the pill for the same reason at 14 without any further exploration and consultation. It ruined my life. It messed hugely with my hormones, made me feel suicidal and didn't remove the problem in the first place.

I spent another 6 years on them thinking I was mad and not realising it was the artificial hormones until years and years later. I actually tried to kill myself as a teenager as a result of the hormones. No gp ever asked to do an examination or referred me or looked for other non -chemical solutions.

I lost my teenage years to this. Please consider in much more depth before whipping the drugs into her age 12.

jennawade · 09/10/2017 14:32

had something similar at her age (not quite so extreme though) and went on the pill for 6 months - it just regulated everything and never had the same problems again.

I don't think you need both parents to consent to it as medical treatment - I do remember my Dad was a bit Hmm when we told him and the GP did offer to talk to him about it - but he never took her up!

BlueSapp · 09/10/2017 14:34

Nikitasol Agree

Lanaorana2 · 09/10/2017 14:34

Clots aren't normal. GP.

RedGrapeCornSnake · 09/10/2017 14:34

Christ he sounds like the worst kind of mansplainer.
Congratulations on him being your ex.
Take your DD to a medical professional and explain to your ex in small words what the actual qualified person recommends.
Heavy periods are hellish as an adult, I can't imagine what your DD is going through

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 09/10/2017 14:35

She's Gillick competant to make her own decisions, yours and his dont come into it I'm afraid. Have you been to the GP to see what is available?

ChiBox · 09/10/2017 14:37

I started on tranexamic acid when I was 13 transformed my life. Doesn't help with cramps sadly. Maybe ask your GP?

Sarahh2014 · 09/10/2017 14:37

U can get medication for heavy bleeding on period id enquire about it at gp as she us v young

TammySwansonTwo · 09/10/2017 14:37

It's all about perspective. If she does have endometriosis she's not going to get diagbosed now, age 12. It just won't happen and sadly will likely take years. I was 12 when I first had an ultrasound and saw a gynae and was completely fobbed off. Took 10 further years to get a diagnosis. Even with the pill it spread and I struggled through school and uni - would have been far worse without it. On the plus side my GP had the sense to put me on the pill with the lowest dose of oestrogen available at that time so that it didn't have as much of an impact on my hormones as other pills may have. Crippling pain and heavy 23 day periods destroy your life too - sometimes you have to make difficult decisions.

HeyRoly · 09/10/2017 14:37

What has given her the idea to have a coil fitted? If tampons are painful then having a coil fitted would be impossible (and agonising).

I think you need to get a medical opinion on what is really appropriate given her age.

thetemptationofchocolate · 09/10/2017 14:37

I too had similar at that age. I'm afraid I got no joy from seeing the GP - we went many times and some of the things I was told (by the GPs were awful, along the lines of good diet and exercise - only one doctor told me it would all go away once I got pregnant (I was in my early teens at the time).
It wasn't until my thirties that I eventually got referred to a gynaecologist, so sorted me out very quickly. I wish I'd pushed for that before.
So if there's one piece of advice I could give you OP, it is to push for a referral if you feel that your GP isn't taking it seriously. It's not necessary for anyone to suffer like this.
Good luck to you & your DD.

JessicaEccles · 09/10/2017 14:39

MY doctor wouldn't put me on the pill until I was 17- and then I went to the Family Planning clinic out of desperation. My heavy periods made my teenage years mortifying.
GPs still aren't very sympathetic about heavy periods- I have been suffering for forty years now Angry

morningconstitutional2017 · 09/10/2017 14:39

You need to take her to a sympathetic GP who could at least prescribe something to lessen the flow. She'd be getting terribly anaemic with all that blood loss. If the situation continues despite all, then other investigations would be necessary - though worrying and uncomfortable for a young girl.

This has nothing to do with your ex - has he ever suffered the same way? Doubtful.

KERALA1 · 09/10/2017 14:40

Agree with everyone else surely gillick competent so not up to him (or you). Can see why he is an ex....

brasty · 09/10/2017 14:44

Try regular ibuprofen to reduce flow, and if that does not work, tranxemic acid. Much better than pill

Assburgers · 09/10/2017 14:44

I had this when I was a kid. The doctor prescribed the pill, and I didn’t even need to be on it for very long, only a few months. Hope she’s ok. Obvs you listen to a health professional over your ex. Good luck with it.

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