To have sex just to...

[eyerollingemoji]

Stop DH walking round with a face like a slapped arse?

I did this morning. I think he thought we were going to have sex last night but I fell asleep before we had a chance. He was walking round sulking like a toddler so I just did it. I didn’t dislike it but I didn’t particularly enjoy it either. Am I alone on this one?

No thanks, it would turn me off and I|wouldn't have sex with a sulky man child, especially when I don't fancy it. Tell him to grow up.

If the only close contact he gets is when she says it’s ok (regardless if she enjoys it or not) then I can see why he would take that opportunity. Can’t you? Also, do not twist my words and do keep them in the context of which they were written. Thank you.

then I can see why he would take that opportunity. Can’t you?

I absolutely fucking can't. I put myself in that position and I can't think of anything worse than having sex with someone who didn't want to. Ugh.

My ex used to sulk till I gave in and let him have sex with me. I laid there and waited till it was over. There's something wrong with people who can come knowing their partner wishes it wasn't happening. The fault lies with your husband

No need for the attitude. I am simply saying that lacking any touch at all could mean settling for it in other ways. Not everyone thinks or reacts alike.

You do rather sound like you are excusing rape, Quack

* There's something wrong with people who can come knowing their partner wishes it wasn't happening.*

This.

Oh fuck of her as a victim, multiple times I find that awful to say to someone you know nothing about. Actually, I am reading others (on this thread) views from the other side and I have taken that into account to understand why ops husband maybe acts the way he does. So sorry for not being a man hater that must be hard for a lot of you to digest. You all probably think I should hate every man seeing as quite a few have abused me.

Get some counselling and discuss in a safe place for you both. This is a very common situation however it will be death by 1000 cuts for your relationship if not addressed. Sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship, however it is without doubt an important component of one and in which both sets of feelings need to be respected.

No need for the attitude, Quack, just letting you know how your views can come across

Lacking touch does not make normal people coerce someone into sex and carry on giving them tea they know they don't want.

No amount of sexual drought could lead me to do that. Most people (men included) are horrified at the thought of sex with someone who is unwilling.

It's because I'm not a man hater (seriously?) and know a lot of decent men that I know this.

If you have been abused as you say, I'd suggest you've lost touch with boundaries and respect and are used to poor sexual behaviour from men.

The op could have continued to say no she didn’t she chose to then say yes, I understand that what he has done is wrong and I have already stated that. But, from reading others views from being on the side the husband is on I can see why zero touch at all for a long period of time can lead to string that touch during sex with consent even if they know the person isn’t really into it, the person said yes so it is not rape the op can and should continue to say no then you will see if the man is a twat or not. He is lacking and craving attention, I’ve seen posts on here where the woman is in the mans position and she gets a lot of support and encouragement that he is the dick, yet in this case he has no sympathy for feeling rejected all the time instead he is being called a child. Why not address that they both are not wrong and need to work on finding out a balance for them both, if the op is not willing to try and have more sex then she needs to tw him it won’t happen and let him move on if it’s important enough for him.

Apologies for the typos.

Is not the typos that are the problem.

Women on this thread have said what it feels like to be with someone who doesn't want to have sex them. Not one single one of them has said - ergo I forced my partner to have sex when he didn't want it just so I could get some.

I can sympathise with someone not getting as much sex as they want, I cannot sympathise with someone having sex when they know the other person doesn't want it.

The law is clear you must have the freedom and capacity to consent. Coercion takes away the freedom. That she didn't say no doesn't make it ok.

Quack - great post. And to all the man haters on here, it doesn't matter if you are a man or woman but being denied the love affection and sex you need is soul destroying and I would venture abusive as it leads to a lack of self worth and low esteem that accompanies many different types of abusive relationships

She did consent.. I’m sorry but accusing the man of rape is out of order. I didn’t say my typos were a problem either I just apologised for them. She could have carried on saying no and only then if he forced sex upon her then it would be rape. He heard her say ok and took that as it’s the only time ever that he is physically and emotionally close, other women on this thread have said they feel the same as him again, I do not condone what he has done but I understand it. Please read correctly and do not accuse me of saying things that I haven’t. I am walking away from this thread now as I do not like having to repeatedly explain myself and it’s making me uncomfortable that I have been accused of saying rape is excusable. Have a good day.

I like the tea video it’s great, but the op did say yes she could have chose to say no and she didn’t, he took the yes and went with it because it’s the only affection he ever gets in their entire relationship in which he is never abusive and is great with the house the op and the kids, do people not see that? I’m sorry I will walk away now but I’m seriously annoyed, I have seen identical threads where the man is not wanting sex and the op cries of feeling rejected and unattractive and guess who is in the wrong? The man always the man.

She still consented though, nice of you to ignore the entertaining of my post and pick and choose out of context what suits you.

Where did I accuse him of rape ffs?

I simply pointed our that the law recognises the importance of freedom and capacity when it comes to consent even if you don't.

Coercing someone into sex knowing they don't want it is not ok.

Yes, there was consent here, absolutely; I don't disagree with that assertion.

You should not agree to sex if you do not want it. If the other person makes it impossible for you to feel that you can say no, you need to seriously consider if the relationship should be continued. You need to talk to him about this situation and see if you can navigate a way to both of you feeling more content with the amount of sex you're having. You need to tell him that his stropping like a child needs to stop and that you will not be having sex unless you feel like it and if needs affection and/or intimacy he can ask for it but if it's sexual release he needs, he needs to be prepared to facilitate that for himself if you are not in the mood.

On threads where women are upset becaue their partner doesn't want to sleep with them, they are given sympathy and support. At no point are they advised to coerce the man into sex with sulks and manipulation and to have sex with him knowing he doesn't want to. Literally NEVER.

It's one thing understanding the impact of different libidos it's another supporting manipulation and coercion in order to get it.

I've been on both sides of this and it's hard. When I first met my now DH I was dealing (badly) with being raped and sex was impossible. He was really understanding/kind about it and if anything it was me withdrawing from cuddles/kisses which bothered him more than sex.

With a bit of help, we then got to stage where we had a great sex life and probably roughly equal sex drives.

Then I had a baby and it was horrific, painful and traumatic for all concerned. DH lost all sex drive whatsoever because he said he kept seeing me half dead in an operating theater because of it. The feelings of rejection coupled with my existing PnD almost killed me.

Luckily for us as a couple we figured something out because as much as I love him, I would not stay in a sexless relationship. I do think it's a compatibility issue.

Based on what you've said OP, I would look into some sort of counselling. Not just because your DH wants sex but also for yourself. Having an area of your life effectively ruined by the shitty actions of someone else is horrible plus men like your first boyfriend and my rapist don't deserve to still be effecting our lives years later. Just as if they were tumors they need cutting out and discarding like the garbage they are.