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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call 101?

158 replies

NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 17:47

I have an elderly neighbour who i cook for just once a week on sunday. This has been going on for 2 years. Its my way of checking he is ok.

The last few wewks he has mentioned his health is deteriorating but he is seeing his doctor.

Today I knocked with his dinner at 4, couldnt get an answer so I shouted through is he ok? He said yes he is fine leave his dinner on the wall.

I left it there for an hoyr then knocked again, he didnt answer but shouted that he is ok, he will be out soon he us just going to have a shower.
That was almost an hour ago. Still no sign of him.

Would I be unreasonable to ring 101 to do a welfare check even though he is saying he is fine? I just keep thinking he might have had a fall and be too proud to say.

In the two years he has never not had his dinner.

OP posts:
TheNext · 08/10/2017 17:49

Yes, please get someone to check. he is so lucky to have you as a neighbour Flowers

trolleyknockers · 08/10/2017 17:49

Yes please do .

Sirzy · 08/10/2017 17:50

If he is responding saying he is fine I doubt there is much 101 would do.

Someone would have to be very proud to not ask for help for hours after a fall surely?

Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 17:52

Thats what wprries me Sirzy tgat the police would just say well he said he is fine.

It is so out of character though. He is not answering his phone either as the previous owners of this house are my exMil and ex Sil and they phone him every sunday.

He didnt put his bin out this week either which he always does. Obviously I did it for him but its just not like him.

OP posts:
mummyofmoomoos · 08/10/2017 17:52

Glad he has you! Yes to calling 101, better safe than sorry- hoping all is well Flowers

Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 17:53

Sorry typos my phone is awful to type on.

OP posts:
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 08/10/2017 17:53

Please ring 101. He may be too proud to let you see how he is. They will get in one way or another. If you're worried about undermining him, tell him you're going to call them if he can't come to the door.

mirren3 · 08/10/2017 17:55

Definitely phone 101, I work with the elderly and often they are too proud to ask for help, also work closely with the Police, they would much rather do a welfare check than having to inform relatives etc of a sudden death or accident that could have been prevented.

Sirzy · 08/10/2017 17:55

Maybe go back and specially tell him your worried so going to phone and see what he says?

JoWithABow · 08/10/2017 17:55

Can you say something to him before you call? Eg, Ive noticed youve not had your dinner, thats unlike you, im worried youve had a fall? I'm going to call 111/101 whatever it is to come and check on you to make sure you are ok. Then see what he says?

DereksGotATail · 08/10/2017 17:57

No. This isn't a police matter.
Has he got any family? Does anyone have a key? Have you asked him why he isn't coming to the door or have you told him that you're worried about him?

existentialmoment · 08/10/2017 17:59

a welfare check is not for someone that you have talked to and who has told you, twice, that they are fine.

JoWithABow · 08/10/2017 18:00

Derek, police do go round when elderly people arent answering the door, or havent been seen for a few days. I know this is slightly different because he has spoken through the door but the police still might help. The other idea could be wait until morning then call his GP maybe?

calamityjam · 08/10/2017 18:02

Does he have any family you can call? Can you insist that he let's you in for a few minutes to check on him? Does he have carers, or if he doesn't can you find out if he might be entitled to them? I used to work as a carer and for some clients we used to do a daily welfare check. They didn't require care per say, but they did need someone to pop in daily to make sure that everything was OK, check they had been eating, that they had adequate food, heating, meds etc. I would sit and have a cuppa and a chat.

blueskyinmarch · 08/10/2017 18:03

You could call the social work out of hours team. They would do a welfare check.

Gribbie · 08/10/2017 18:04

Please do. If one of my mums friends hadn’t persisted trying to get my mum to open the door and eventually called the police she wouldn’t be here. She was very ill with sepsis and was in hospital for weeks and weeks.

Davenotdave · 08/10/2017 18:08

Poor bloke, you're a good neighbour checking in on him, so many don't have people like you.
Police will do a welfare check, but it will only be knocking and checking, though he might be more likely to come to the door (if he can), or admit that he can't.
Do you have any of his relatives contact details? Can you knock and tell him you're worried and want to check he's OK? Or pretend you want to borrow something maybe, so that he'll need to come to the door.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 18:11

Well I rang 101 and the policeman said they can't help, if I think he has fallen then I should call an ambulance.

I have knocked again and asked has he fallen and he said no he is ok. I said is he coming for his dinner he said yes he will be down in a minute. He said that an hour ago too.

Its only because it is so out of the ordinary that I am so worried.

OP posts:
ProfessorCat · 08/10/2017 18:13

Tell him that you're worried and will be willing to call someone if he's poorly or hurt. It might be enough to get him to answer to at least you.

insancerre · 08/10/2017 18:13

Go round again and tell him you need to come in because you are worried about him
Tell him if he doesn't let you in you are going to phone the police

Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 18:13

Oh and no he has literally no family. No one has a key.

He doesnt have carers, he usually get out and about, looks after himself bit I haven't seen him in the mornings this week. I heard him answer the door to someone this week though, I think that was Friday.

OP posts:
MumsOnCrack · 08/10/2017 18:13

I’d be tempted to tell him if he cannot come to the door you’ll have to call someone. See what response that gets but I’d be tempted to gain access at the very least. Maybe get a key for the future?

Sirzy · 08/10/2017 18:14

When this is sorted please discuss with him making sure someone has a spare key - this is why everyone who lives alone should give someone locally a key just incase

insancerre · 08/10/2017 18:14

If you get in ask him for a spare key
Tell him it's for emergencies

Redglitter · 08/10/2017 18:14

This really isn't the kind of welfare check police generally would do. He's spoken to you each time you've gone to the door and hasn't asked for help. Even if the police come out they can't force him to open the door. Before you phone, assuming you don't have family contact details, I'd go back and speak to him again. Tell him why you're worried and tell him you plan to phone police if he doesn't come to the door. Hopefully if he's ok and realises how worried you are hell come to the door or tell you if he can't. I certainly wouldn't send cops out to the circumstances you've outlined until you'd tried to speak to him again. If you try again making your worries clear to him and he's still evasive then yes I'd phone 101