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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call 101?

158 replies

NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 17:47

I have an elderly neighbour who i cook for just once a week on sunday. This has been going on for 2 years. Its my way of checking he is ok.

The last few wewks he has mentioned his health is deteriorating but he is seeing his doctor.

Today I knocked with his dinner at 4, couldnt get an answer so I shouted through is he ok? He said yes he is fine leave his dinner on the wall.

I left it there for an hoyr then knocked again, he didnt answer but shouted that he is ok, he will be out soon he us just going to have a shower.
That was almost an hour ago. Still no sign of him.

Would I be unreasonable to ring 101 to do a welfare check even though he is saying he is fine? I just keep thinking he might have had a fall and be too proud to say.

In the two years he has never not had his dinner.

OP posts:
LemonysSnicket · 09/10/2017 15:02

Did you make Shepherds Pie for tea? If so I wouldn’t answer the door either .. bleurgh Grin

In all seriousness though, I do hope he’s okay and all turns out well. Glad he has a good support system.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 15:28

Lemony that made me smile, Thank you!

It was 6 hour slow roasted pork with crackling and all the trimmings. I make a brilliant roast.

OP posts:
Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 15:43

Well he is in hospital.

Sil Dad went round and he was insisting he was fine and in bed. Turns out he was naked on the kitchen floor. Too embarrassed to admit he needed help.

I feel awful that he has been naked on that floor all night. I so wish that I had insisted last night that he come to the door.

OP posts:
ProfessorCat · 09/10/2017 15:44

I knew that was going to happen, poor man :(

I hope he recovers well.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/10/2017 15:46

Nacho he's very lucky he has you. I'm glad he's sorted out at last, even if he resisted it, poor guy.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 15:49

I don't feel like he is very lucky, I knew something was wrong yesterday and left him there!

I will visit him tomorrow and take him some Werthers, he likes those. At least now the hospital might insist he has some kind of support. His legs looked awful last week but he insisted he had seen his doctor.

OP posts:
TieGrr · 09/10/2017 15:52

Poor man.

Nacho, don't beat yourself up for not doing more yesterday. You persisted and he wouldn't have been helped today if not for you.

See if he'll agree to give you a spare key going forward.

Redglitter · 09/10/2017 15:55

You've absolutely nothing to feel bad about
You asked him if he was ok. You kept going back and gave him plenty opportunity to tell you be needed help. You couldn't have done anymore. Just think how much longer hed have lain thete if it wasn't for you. Hes very lucky you care so much

ifuckarses · 09/10/2017 15:57

Please do not feel bad, you have saved the mans life. Wishing him a speedy recovery.

whoopsiedaisydangle · 09/10/2017 15:59

Oh bless him the poor man!

Is there anyway he could get one of these careers that pop in every day to see if everything's ok?

This happened to my nana, she was too proud to ask for help and then one day she fell down the stairs and broke her sternum. She unfortunately passed soon after but this kind of story brings it all back.

He is lucky to have someone care like you OP Flowers

AnnetteCurtains · 09/10/2017 16:00

I wish there were more people like you in the world NachoAddict

Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 16:02

Thanks guys, I am getting all teary here. Just the thought of him lay there so long. Stubborn old git!

Hopefully he will give me (or someone, exSIl Dad maybe?) a key, I can't believe he was still insisting he is fine even after laying there a whole day (at least)!

OP posts:
confusedlittleone · 09/10/2017 16:04

@NachoAddict please don't blame yourself in anyway, you did the best you could! X

ZivaDiva · 09/10/2017 16:11

See if he’ll get a Keysafe installed and have a pendant alarm. They can, literally, be a life saver.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 16:13

I will suggest it, in this case though he didn't want to admit he had fallen so an alarm wouldn't have helped.

OP posts:
onalongsabbatical · 09/10/2017 16:14

As someone who is approaching aged, I'm beginning to understand the stubbornness, because I'm catching myself heading in that direction. If it gives you any insight, I think it's that I've always been the adult, the one who's taken care of everyone else, and now I see my two daughters beginning to 'be concerned' for my health etc and part of me is thinking, how dare they! Because it makes me feel vulnerable. Paradoxically, the idea that people are 'looking out for me' makes me feel MORE vulnerable, not less, because it reminds me that - sooner or later - I will be frail, in some shape or form, and I'd prefer to pretend that that's not the case. So I actually feel uncomfortable knowing that they have those feelings. Hope that makes sense - I've been thinking about it this morning, it's all a bit new. I'm only 62! But it's definitely happening.
Anyway, I'm so glad he's been found and taken care of, and you did your absolute best, Nacho, you've got nothing to blame yourself for. Flowers for you and Flowers for him, too! xx

MadMags · 09/10/2017 16:20

Aw please don't feel bad. He would be dead if it wasn't for you!

You're a wonderful neighbour and friend to him.

MadMags · 09/10/2017 16:20

Could be! Not would be. Jesus!

Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 16:27

thanks Sabbatical it does make sense and especially why he would lie to me, a young slip of a girl he has known for 5 minutes, just dread to think how long he would have continued saying he was fine.

OP posts:
maggiecate · 09/10/2017 16:36

You can get alarms that have a sensor under the carpet so if they don't walk over it for a certain period it activates a check up (although a friend got this for his mum, and she was pole vaulting over it with her stick because she didn't want them knowing how often she went to the loo!!!)

My mum and dad have the pendent type of alarm, and it's wired up to their smoke and CO alarms - their boiler was leaking carbon monoxide and when the alarm started beeping they called out the fire brigade and Transco - it's been a godsend. It was done via the council, they pay £42 every six months and it's worth every penny.

It's horrible, but now that he's had a fall and is in the system its a lot easier to get a care package, even if it's just someone coming in daily to check he's OK. He might be less embarrassed asking for help from a professional since that's their 'job' but it's so hard - my dad is 91 going on 15 and getting him to admit that extra help is needed is a nightmare, because in his head he's not old.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 09/10/2017 16:37

To be honest you can hardly be blamed for someone lying/ pretending he was fine to you.

Honestly what was his plan ? To just Stay there forever ? Silly man. Pride is all very well but. I hope someone impresses on him how serious it could have been without your help.

Rachie1986 · 09/10/2017 16:37

Goodness! Well done for persevering OP. Not your fault at all. Hopefully he'll get some help now x

OnionKnight · 09/10/2017 16:39

Oh shit, you can't blame yourself.

I wonder what his plan was, he couldn't have thought he'd lay there forever.

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome · 09/10/2017 16:40

This is very common. I've worked in A&E for 15 yrs & regularly see elderly people who have insisted they were fine but couldn't get off the floor.

Gribbie · 09/10/2017 16:40

Thank goodness you persevered. Glad he’s getting help now. Xx