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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call 101?

158 replies

NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 17:47

I have an elderly neighbour who i cook for just once a week on sunday. This has been going on for 2 years. Its my way of checking he is ok.

The last few wewks he has mentioned his health is deteriorating but he is seeing his doctor.

Today I knocked with his dinner at 4, couldnt get an answer so I shouted through is he ok? He said yes he is fine leave his dinner on the wall.

I left it there for an hoyr then knocked again, he didnt answer but shouted that he is ok, he will be out soon he us just going to have a shower.
That was almost an hour ago. Still no sign of him.

Would I be unreasonable to ring 101 to do a welfare check even though he is saying he is fine? I just keep thinking he might have had a fall and be too proud to say.

In the two years he has never not had his dinner.

OP posts:
lookingbeyond40 · 08/10/2017 19:27

I hope he is ok.

Well done OP. We need more people in the world like you. I think you are wonderful.
Do let us know how you get on x

Foggymist · 08/10/2017 19:31

I would say like a pp he has a stomach bug/sick stomach and is on the toilet and doesn't want to say that.

BellaNoche · 08/10/2017 19:32

You really are a lovely neighbour OP. Good on you.

It is getting dark now. Has he put any lights on in the house or is it unusually unlit?

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 08/10/2017 19:36

You need to tell him to either come to the door or you will hone the police/ambulance.

Don't go away until you've seen him. It doesn't sound right at all.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 19:37

Bella That was genious. His front room light is on so he is obviously not stuck on the floor.

For whatever reason he didnt want to answer his door today but be says he is dine and his light is on so I am going to keave him be for tonight and call round tomorrow. Very very strange behaviour for him but must have his reasons.

OP posts:
DereksGotATail · 08/10/2017 19:45

You're a good neighbour Nacho the world needs more people like you.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 19:46

Thanks, its nice to be nice isn't it.

OP posts:
BellaNoche · 08/10/2017 19:47

Hello Nacho Smile
My son's just off to work (police). He is used to climbing through windows to check on folks etc.... some not very nice stuff.

The police won't turn up if he seems to be mobile and responding. But I agree things don't seem right with him at all from what you are saying. Was the meal left outside and still untouched?

If you know his GP give them a call in the morning and tell them he has been behaving oddly and are concerned. I've done this with an older neighbour in similar circs and the surgery were pretty good and sent GP out.

You have done your absolute best for tonight and Flowers

SandyDenny · 08/10/2017 19:48

Has he taken his meal in?

Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 19:55

Nope, I said last time that I will bring it insode because next doors cat is sniffing about and will steal the pork. I shouted for him to just give me a knock and I will warm it up.

OP posts:
Original poster
NachoAddict · 08/10/2017 19:55

I don't know who his gp is but the chemist delivers his medication.

OP posts:
Belle1939 · 08/10/2017 19:56

Ringing the GP is an excellent idea

DearMrDilkington · 08/10/2017 19:57

I wish the world had more people like you. I'd love my grandmother to have someone like you as her neighbour.

I hope his ok, at least his put his lights on now so he must be mobile.

BellaNoche · 08/10/2017 20:05

Hmmm,
If he hasn't taken his meal in after saying he would be out for it several times.... really odd as you say.

I think so that you can sleep better tonight perhaps ring 111 and go through it with them and tell them you do not know his GP but his behaviour is not right.

See if they are any help. If they are not then I'd suggest that you ring the chemist tomorrow as that is all you can do. (Or adult social services.) Difficult call this as even when people need help you can't force help on them.. sheesh.

But in your head you know you have done everything possible.

I'm gutted that there's a nice roast dinner somewhere in need of a bit of company.....Grin

Straycatblue · 08/10/2017 21:46

I know this won't help with your worry OP and Im almost reluctant to mention it, but my inside light at this time of year is set on a timer to come on.

WashingMatilda · 08/10/2017 22:47

How has he been with you OP the last few times?
It's very baffling - it's a lovely thing of you to do, you don't think he's hinting at you to leave him alone do you? I hope that's read the way it's intended!
I highly doubt it as you've been doing it for so long and as I said he's lucky to have you, just another theory x

TheBananaStand2 · 09/10/2017 09:01

Hope this turns out ok today. If he's still avoiding answering, perhaps try sending a man around: he might be embarrassed to share whatever's happened with a woman, but will find it easier to tell a fellow bloke.

DearMrDilkington · 09/10/2017 09:18

Any sign of him this morning op?

ifuckarses · 09/10/2017 10:22

Hope your neighbor is ok OP. You really are a good person, he's lucky to have you.

Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 13:35

Still no sign of neighbour, his light was on at 6.30am when I got up. I rang my exSIL who said he sleeps with the light on anyway.

She has asked her dad to go round today. He knows the neighbour. My SIL grew up in the house with her mum and dad so they all know the neighbour. When they moved away, I moved into the house.

I thought if he has fallen after his bath or shower he won't want me going in to help if he is naked and maybe thinks that he will be able to get up soon himself.

I don't know now if the light had been on all day potentially and I only noticed it when it went dark? I am really worried but not much I can do when he is insisting he is fine. Hope Sil Dad gets more response.

He has been fine with me lately, even asked me to pop to the shop for him last week which was the first time he has asked for any help.

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 09/10/2017 14:01

Oh bless him. I think he's either hurt himself or soiled himself and doesn't want you to see.
Have you told him calmly (through the letterbox) that his behaviour is very out of character and it's making you feel very worried and you need to come in? Reassure him that there is nothing you've not seen before etc. Or is there someone he would prefer to enter his home rather than you?
If he doesn't let the man can't remember who you said it was Blush in later, please go and tell him.
Tell him I'M worried now too Smile

onalongsabbatical · 09/10/2017 14:02

Thanks for updating, Nacho, I've been thinking about you and your neighbour today but I didn't want to hassle you, I thought you'd come back when you could. I hope SIL's dad can get to the bottom of it, it's all very worrying.

You are a lovely neighbour for him to have.

BellaNoche · 09/10/2017 14:13

Hello Nacho, glad of the update also. You are a pretty special neighbour! Drop us all a line when you find out something definite. Nice to see so many people on here care Smile

GladysKnight · 09/10/2017 14:19

Like Beryl I would suggest - why not say "look I'm really sorry to be a pest but I'm starting to worry about you, I'd really like to warm up your dinner and bring it in/make you a cuppa [ or something ]." "Would you do that for me, just to set my mind at rest, I know its silly of me but I'm an awful worrier etc etc." ie try to turn it round into him doing you a favour?

Original poster
NachoAddict · 09/10/2017 14:34

I will try persuading him again later, I am really hoping that when Sils dad goes round he gets a better response. I will update as soon as I know anything, I am in work so even more worried. The only reassuring thing is that he sounded ok and answered me and insisted he was fine. However if he is stuck or fallen it's a long time to be without food and water.

OP posts:
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