Strip clubs & Stag dos

[NotInMyBackYard1]

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

You think husbands lying to their wives about objectifying women is "funny"? Wives who they know object and find strip clubs degrading?

Not my circus and not my monkeys!

Well you think it's "funny". You're laughing at deceit and the objectification of women. Says a lot.

I would contact the bride to let her know that she has a good one.

By the way, women are also 'hard wired' to get hot under the collar by attractive naked men.

Exactly, so if a group of women want to go watch male strippers - perfectly acceptable!

You have quite a low regard for men. None I'm close to would if they could. If what you're saying is true then "a high percentage" of men have little respect for women and see women as commodities existing for their sexual gratification.

Why would I have a low regard for men?I just don't view a man wanting to look at a naked woman as a negative or bad thing not it being about them having little respect - my husband likes to look at me naked or in sexy underwear, does that mean he has little respect for me??? Pfft.

If your husband went regularly to an establishment which objectifies women and contributes to a culture in which all women and girls are degraded you'd see it as your own fault? Astounding

I don't see all strip clubs as degrading to women, nor do I view men who visit them as some kind of low life/dregs of society. If after 20 years of being together my husband felt the urge to start going to pay to see naked women REGULARLY then yes, I would have to ask why? This is based on my knowledge of my relationship and my husbands personality.....

"I am perfectly educated". Yet a school girl consistently demonstrates more logic, coherence, persuasiveness, insight, moral awareness and understanding of human nature than you.
Confidence becoming complacency here I think.

Yanbu that would be a deal breaker for me, like what many other posters have said I couldn't be with a man who treats women like a commodity they can buy.

If after 20 years of being together my husband felt the urge to start going to pay to see naked women REGULARLY then yes, I would have to ask why?

The answer would be because he has no issue with objectifying women and women's bodies being commodities, nor any issue with perpetuating such a culture which impacts upon women and girls. As I've posted before, the strip club moments from my school is a daily reminder of what society deems our worth to be, no matter what we do.

Why would I have a low regard for men?I just don't view a man wanting to look at a naked woman as a negative or bad thing not it being about them having little respect - my husband likes to look at me naked or in sexy underwear, does that mean he has little respect for me??? Pfft.

There is a clear difference between enjoying one another's bodies in a relationship to paying to view women naked and clubs which offer this being on high streets, thought nothing of, the product being women's bodies and the culture they foster being one in which women's primary existence is for our bodies to entertain men.

Any chance for discussion here was shut down by the second comment 'cool wives'.

As an ex dancer (yes in a strip club) I never once felt degraded but I do by those who dismiss people that don't agree with them with such distain.

I would have no qualms reconsidering my marriage were my husband to start going to struggle clubs. He wouldn't be the type I want to be married to, or the type I would want raising my children. It is really quite sad how many people genuinely think so little of men, their husbands, sons, fathers, friends etc as to believe that ALL men harbour these thoughts and behaviours.

This has nothing to do with the sexuality of the women, not one person has called them 'slags' that I have seen. My issue is with the clubs and the men.

These women aren’t cheap whores

Again Sophia, nobody has stated once on this thread that women who work in these places are whores or cheap tarts. You are the only person on this thread who has attributed these traits to these women.

Again, this speaks volumes about how your mind works.

You really need to read a few stories behind how the sex trade works, because you just don't understand. EDUCATE YOURSELF 'LOVE'

Personally I don't mind strip clubs at all. All the dancers I have known have worked there because they enjoy the work and the money is good. They weren't coerced, forced, abused or any of the above. They were happy and confident in their choice to work there.
As all women are different, I don't choose to be viewed in that way. I work in an office, I dress modestly, but when I am at work I am viewed as an office worker. A dancer when at work wearing revealing clothes does so by her own choice and is viewed as a dancer and to be looked at.

To me it is no different than a butler in the buff/the Adonis show/porn. It's all about intent as well. If they go because they're hoping to shag one of the girls, or grab them, or have a private 'happy ending' dance then that's crossing the line, if they're going as part of a group, to be lairy and 'lads lads lads' I really don't mind.

But I appreciate that this is my own personal perspective on the matter and does not apply to everyone. If you feel uncomfortable with your partner going to a strip club then he should definitely consider your feelings on the matter. If you view a man who goes to a strip club as 'seedy' (for lack of a better word) then that is entirely your own view which you have every right to have.

I think this always causes a divide because to some it really doesn't matter and to others it's a huge deal. There aren't many who are in the middle or on the fence about it. Perhaps being open and honest with your partner about how you feel will either make him see things from a different perspective and change his opinion of them, or at least respect how you feel and not hurt your feelings over something so silly.

And pmsl at a PP who call lapdance bars 'gentlemans club'

Oxymoron to the nth degree

Nobody is judging, blaming or criticizing the woman who work in these places. Just the men who think it's OK to go to them.

As an ex dancer (yes in a strip club) I never once felt degraded but I do by those who dismiss people that don't agree with them with such distain.

As a girl who goes to school a minute down the road from one I feel degraded by it daily.

Nobody is judging, blaming or criticizing the woman who work in these places. Just the men who think it's OK to go to them.

Bullshit. It's just that no-one is brave enough to say it. This whole thread smacks of judgement.

if they're going as part of a group, to be lairy and 'lads lads lads' I really don't mind.

Even though they carry this attitude with them onto the street, into the daily lives, forcing it upon all the women and girls who have no choice but to live in a society where it's deemed perfectly acceptable for men to be able to go to clubs which provide them with naked women to ogle.

if no women worked in strip clubs, no men would go to them

Bullshit. It's just that no-one is brave enough to say it.

Well you can't claim people are judging then when it's pointed out no-one is then just say it's because they're "not brave enough to say it".

No men should go to them because men should have respect for women and see us as equal humans not objects and commodities.

Bullshit. It's just that no-one is brave enough to say it. This whole thread smacks of judgement
This.

Even though they carry this attitude with them onto the street, into the daily lives, forcing it upon all the women and girls who have no choice but to live in a society where it's deemed perfectly acceptable for men to be able to go to clubs which provide them with naked women to ogle.

or maybe some people can separate what they do on a friday night with the lads and their normal day to day lives?

I judge all men who go to strip clubs. They view me as inferior and an object because of my sex. Nothing I ever do will matter to them as first and foremost I and every other woman and girl is a sex object who exists for male sexual gratification to them.

I feel degraded by the strip club moments from my school daily. I hate having to see it, hate it when I'm at school late sometimes for a function and have to walk past it open, the ogling men, the grins, the way they look at you, the proximity enforcing the message to all girls daily that our true worth no matter what is our bodies.

or maybe some people can separate what they do on a friday night with the lads and their normal day to day lives?

Maybe their "Friday night with the lads" shouldn't involve objectifying women. It doesn't for most men.

Even though they carry this attitude with them onto the street, into the daily lives, forcing it upon all the women and girls who have no choice but to live in a society where it's deemed perfectly acceptable for men to be able to go to clubs which provide them with naked women to ogle.

I fancy naked men too. I've been on a few hen dos with a stripper or butlers in the buff. I don't feel I oppress all men because I whooped at a semi naked mans six pack. I don't see all men as an object for me to judge or look at.
My partner has been in strip clubs and has been a 'lad'. He doesn't force anything on me, nor does he assume all women are his sex toys.