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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip clubs & Stag dos

784 replies

NotInMyBackYard1 · 08/10/2017 10:44

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 12:59

They still want to come home to you.

Oh, what an honour. No man who'd ever go to such a club would ever be coming in any home of mine.

C8H10N4O2 · 08/10/2017 13:00

I seem to say basically the same thing every time I see one of these threads.

I can just about imagine surviving an brief infidelity with another consenting woman. I don't think it would be easy.

This is worse because it means he is viewing women as commodities whose consent can be bought and sold. We wouldn't survive that.

I would ask him how he would feel about DDs doing the job and if he isn't keen for them to do it then ask him why they are different? What is this 'special category' of woman who can be bought and sold?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 08/10/2017 13:02

then it might be comparable.

I do agree; and thanks for verbalising that so well - it helps!

NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 13:05

You're welcome and thank you for saying so Anchor!

SquareSophia · 08/10/2017 13:08

There seem to be a lot of women that genuinely believe their husbands only have eyes for them/fantasise about them/don’t crack one out about Sue from accounts.

Honestly you’d chuck your bloke out for visiting a strip club, standing at the bar with a beer and watching some boobs???

I can understand one on one is overstepping boundaries but I don’t see what the fuss is otherwise.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 13:10

The women aren’t slags.

Not one person has purported this. that you even think it says more about you.

They are making money by using their bodies and capitalising on the most basic of human instincts.

If you think this, you need to delve deeper into the sex industry and educate yourself.

You are at best naive, at worst a supporter of women being objectified.

NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 13:11

Honestly you’d chuck your bloke out for visiting a strip club, standing at the bar with a beer and watching some boobs???

If I was living with a man and he went to one then yes, but no man I'd be with would. Likewise my dad and brothers when they're older wouldn't be having much to do with me if any of them ever went to one.

NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 13:12

Any man who goes is perpetuating a culture in which women and girls are primarily viewed as sex objects who exist for the sexual gratification of men and boys.

araiwa · 08/10/2017 13:13

strippers being objectified? well i never

literally their job and how some make more money than doctors

Wanderlust1984 · 08/10/2017 13:13

It's a strip club, it's hardly a seedy brothel! I've had mates who were strippers and were perfectly happy. I've been to them with my DP and they really aren't all that seedy, just naked ladies who can dance.

NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 13:14

and watching some boobs???

That says it all. Women reduced to "some boobs" by the men who go.

NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 13:15

I've had mates who were strippers and were perfectly happy

I'm sure they were. Plenty of other women and girls aren't happy living in the culture they foster.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 13:15

Sorry sophia, I seem to be picking up on your comments as I am frankly astounded by them.

There seem to be a lot of women that genuinely believe their husbands only have eyes for them/fantasise about them/don’t crack one out about Sue from accounts

Wrong again.

I don't for one minute believe that, but I do believe my husband would not visit such establishments, ogling women, as he sees them as more than a pair of tits and a fanny for him to get his rocks off to.

I ask, would you be happy for any daughter of yours to be treated this way?

sharklovers · 08/10/2017 13:16

Only if you think men hiding their going to strip clubs and viewing women as sex objects thus degrading their wives and all other women and girls but also lying to them is "funny".

Meh! Of course it’s funny but then I obviously have no issue with lap dancing! Would never go by choice but quite happy as part of a group and to sit having a drink. If my mates want to drop a grand on private dances then good for them.

araiwa · 08/10/2017 13:18

Plenty of other women and girls aren't happy living in the culture they foster

so youre blaming the dancers? you want to restrict their choices?

NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 13:18

Meh! Of course it’s funny but then I obviously have no issue with lap dancing! Would never go by choice but quite happy as part of a group and to sit having a drink. If my mates want to drop a grand on private dances then good for them.

You think husbands lying to their wives about objectifying women is "funny"? Wives who they know object and find strip clubs degrading? Oh dear. It then comes as no surprise you have no issue with degrading women and girls.

SquareSophia · 08/10/2017 13:19

Millhouses im sorry you find my comments so shocking. I’m just being realistic. You are in denial if you think men don’t find other women attractive.

I just am of the opinion that if they don’t act on it then what’s the issue. You want to control your husbands every thought?

Good luck with that.

Teddy7878 · 08/10/2017 13:19

I'd be livid if my boyfriend went to a strip club. I wouldn't end things unless he actually paid for a private dance though. He knows I have extremely fixed views on this subject and it's not open to negotiation. Don't think he's bothered as he's had a lapdance when he was young on a stag do (years before I was with him) and he said it was a total waste of money.
I'm very laid back with him about everything else and he can do what he wants other than cheating (physically and emotionally) or a private lap dance.

NoLoveofMine · 08/10/2017 13:19

so youre blaming the dancers? you want to restrict their choices?

And how have I done that? I'm quite clearly blaming the men who go.

Original poster
NotInMyBackYard1 · 08/10/2017 13:19

My issue is that my DH has paid to have a lap dance - which is a step further from standing at a bar 'watching some boobs' as you so eloquently put it.

OP posts:
Teddy7878 · 08/10/2017 13:22

OP that would be a deal breaker for me. He's paid money for another woman to grind naked on him, perhaps multiple times throughout the night. Vile behaviour!

ILoveMillhousesDad · 08/10/2017 13:30

What *Sophia ?? Did you not read my response.

I do not want to control my husbands thoughts Confused

I am not naive enough to think he only has eyes for me and I'm sure he 'cracks one of to Sue from accounts' as you so succinctly put it.

BUT, I am confident he's not a sad, easily lead perv, who would put money into the sex trade, where women are on the whole, treated like shit, for mens pleasure.

Forget my 'at best naive' comment I said about you. I've come to the conclusion that you are simply thick, uneducated and you still haven't answered my question about any daughter of yours being treated as a pair of tits and a hole?

SilverySurfer · 08/10/2017 13:32

Oh, that's a step too far. I would hand him his balls on a plate.

Secretusernameofshame · 08/10/2017 13:37

I feel like someone is missing the point when they said women like to believe men only fancy their wives. This isn't about admiring bodies other than their partners it's about paying to view them. Bodies shouldn't be for sale!

Sallystyle · 08/10/2017 13:46

Btw most men that are forbidden by their feminist wives to not go to strip clubs on the basis that it’s degrading women are probably pulling themselves off to filthy porn when she’s at the shops.

I know some women like to believe all men are like that. I guess it makes them feel better to pretend it's 'just a man thing'. I am sorry to say that there are lots of men out there who aren't into strip clubs or porn.

Relax ladies.

I don't need to relax. It's not an issue in my marriage and I would end my marriage if it ever happened.. I would rather be single than lower my standards and remain with a man who thinks he can buy (or rent) women for sexual kicks.

No. They just want a beer and to look at some nice tits. It’s really that simple.

You proved some of our points very well with this sentence.

There seem to be a lot of women that genuinely believe their husbands only have eyes for them/fantasise about them/don’t crack one out about Sue from accounts.

Except no one said that, did they?