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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip clubs & Stag dos

784 replies

NotInMyBackYard1 · 08/10/2017 10:44

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 21:47

Thanks again annielouise and I've indeed done a lot of debating for a fair few years now, which will also be relevant to the career I want to enter into. My dad's also a QC so have discussed a lot with him as he also knows I want to go go down that route. There has also been something which happened when I was a fair bit younger to a friend which meant I had to deal with something pretty horrendous which still enters my mind daily, so I'm not some naive "kid" I don't think. Thanks for the wishes and I definitely need to concentrate more on them than I have been the last few days!

MrsDustyBusty · 10/10/2017 21:56

There are some men who don’t treat all women badly, just because at some point they visited a strip club.....

Well, that can only be true if you, for some perverse reason, think that strip clubs' patrons aren't demonstrating exactly how they view women by the mere act of entering a place with the intention of, at the very least, paying to watch women dance wearing very little. It's a very weird thing to do if you have respect for women. The fact that you think this is by any measure an acceptable activity is treating women, as a group, badly.

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2017 22:37

Sorry, epic (and expensive) iPad fail. So, annalouise, in answer to Skaros question..."do you think that some women actively enjoy their work in these clubs?"

You answered...

"It's possible they might think or convince themselves they do. I wouldn't be surprised though if a lot had self esteem problems, problems including abuse growing up, money problems etc. I can't see many from a solid family background going into it. And if they did, thinking it just a bit of fun, I don't think they'd stay."

Which basically says, no you don't believe that to be the case.

annielouise · 10/10/2017 22:39

And?

annielouise · 10/10/2017 22:40

I think we've moved from that restless. I'm not sure what you're trying to prove. You said you did. Ok, fine, if it makes you happy, you did. But we're not talking about just you, are we? Remember?

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2017 22:43

annalouise you are full of shit, there are many posts from you denying that women like me exist, braying on about the fact that we're all really abuse victims deep down and when au call you out on it you say the thread has moved on?p.

Tell me, what actually gives you the right to assume I'm a victim?

annielouise · 10/10/2017 22:47

Ok, righto, restless. Your argument is solely made up of I enjoyed it ergo it's fine! Top notch stuff. We're not talking about you. It's not about you specifically [bangs head on wall again]

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2017 22:50

I'm sorry, but your last post naked no sense. Have you been drinking?

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2017 22:51

And we're back. Talking about the women not the men.

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2017 22:51

*makes. Unfortunate strippers autocorrect!

annielouise · 10/10/2017 22:53

No. Thought the same about you though. Not sure what you don't understand. It's not about one person's experience. That's irrelevant as it proves nothing (obviously).

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2017 22:54

Actually I'm answering questions specific to me, and not all women (unlike some). As I've already said this IS really about the women. People are just too cowardly to say so.

annielouise · 10/10/2017 22:55

I've asked you no questions. Not sure who has. Take it up with them.

NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 22:55

The only "victims" of strip clubs are certainly not the women who choose to and often enjoy working there. It's the women and girls who have no choice but to exist in the culture they significantly contribute to and who very much don't enjoy the results of that, from being demeaned to taunts at teenage girls of how they'll be working there one day.

RestlessTraveller · 10/10/2017 22:56

annalouise You win. Well done. I'm a changed woman. I'll just go and sit in a corner and wring my g-string.

Nancy91 · 10/10/2017 23:19

Go Annie, you've made massive steps towards removing strip clubs and misogyny from society today!

Oh, wait Hmm

NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 23:23

Not too pleasant to mock those of us who hate misogyny and feel demeaned by strip clubs. I get it, strip clubs and misogyny are here to stay - fantastic.

BitterLittlePoster · 11/10/2017 00:46

Why would a poster refuse to engage with nolove after learning she's under 18 if you believe it's a job like any other? If this was a discussion about lawyers or police officers or joining the army would you back out of that too? She can't do those jobs yet either.

This articulate teenager has told you about the shit she and her fellow students endure. I hope that's made some of you who think this whole thing is harmless think again. Too late to tell her that shouldn't happen, it already has.
"Men just like to look at boobs." Fuck that. I want better for her and the teenagers in my life.
Nolove Flowers

pallisers · 11/10/2017 00:55

no, I didn't want to argue with NoLove as it feels like I'm bullying a kid

ha ha. Trust me it doesn't read like this to anyone else reading the posts. Seriously don't worry about it in the least.

the only "victims" of strip clubs are certainly not the women who choose to and often enjoy working there. It's the women and girls who have no choice but to exist in the culture they significantly contribute to and who very much don't enjoy the results of that, from being demeaned to taunts at teenage girls of how they'll be working there one day..

This - and there is a paragraph I wish I had written.

FritzDonovan · 11/10/2017 03:52

Men like breasts and the women like the money so it makes sense as a business. I don't think it makes a man a bad person if he wants to pay for the attention of a woman, I think it's a little bit sad
So there we go NotInMyBackYard1. Even someone who doesn't mind the nudity/money trade thinks it's sad.

YANBU to feel disgusted that your dh - as a married man who has pledged to 'forsake all others' (or however the phrases go) - has gone along (not in support of the stag) and paid for a close up leer at another naked woman, then lied about it.
It amazes me how far from the OP threads like this get. I'm assuming OP wanted a poll type feedback on how many ppl would also be disgusted with their 'loving' life partner for leching and lying. Not a biography on how the women who work there live and (possibly) enjoy their work. Hmm

RestlessTraveller · 11/10/2017 06:46

BitterPoster It's not about Skaros job as a dancer, she was never a dancer. It's about her job now, the conversation would be inappropriate.

BertrandRussell · 11/10/2017 06:50

"As I've already said this IS really about the women. People are just too cowardly to say so."

Too cowardly? What on earth do you mean?

Nancy91 · 11/10/2017 11:06

I don't think it's a job like any other, I think it's a job in the sex industry. I don't think it's appropriate to speak to a teenage girl I don't know about the sex industry. It feels creepy. An under 21 couldn't come into the clubs here, because they are too young and it would be wrong.

I don't think the industry is wrong but it certainly is wrong for children and that's why I said the strip club near a school is gross. I hope they get that closed down.

I think there should be a clear divide between the sex industry and places you don't expect to see nudity. Like I said about music videos being way too sexual and demeaning to women. Or dirty magazines in corner shops in plain view of children and people that don't want to see them. That's the main thing I have a problem with, the industry should be available but it shouldn't be EVERYWHERE. There are even ads for shampoo on tv where the women are making what can only be described as orgasm moaning sounds, it's weird. I know sex sells but it doesn't need to sell shampoo Confused

NoLoveofMine · 11/10/2017 11:14

I don't think it's appropriate to speak to a teenage girl I don't know about the sex industry. It feels creepy

I wonder how you think it feels for teenage girls younger than me (who could work in one of these clubs in under 6 months) to have to pass by one regularly, see the slogans it emblazons on its doors sexualising and demeaning us and be harassed by men on their way there if you find it uncomfortable and "creepy" just talking to me about it.

Thank you pallisters and brilliantly put BitterLittlePoster. It's happened and I'm angry and upset so many girls continue to be demeaned and degraded by these clubs.

NoLoveofMine · 11/10/2017 11:15

A grown man unknown to me commenting on my breasts alone with me on a street and telling me I should be a stripper, that's "creepy", thanks.

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