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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip clubs & Stag dos

784 replies

NotInMyBackYard1 · 08/10/2017 10:44

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 17:17

Thank you pallisers and for your excellently put post. I won't deny I've found this thread hugely disheartening and distracting so it's some consolation that you've found my posts worthwhile. Were it not for you and the other excellent women offering support on this thread I'd feel even more annoyed about it all! I just find it so frustrating some don't care at all about the impact these places have. But I suppose I need to stop going on about it and accept some people couldn't care less about girls.

Sallystyle · 10/10/2017 17:19

as long as there is demand and WILLING supply then shouldn’t we be campaigning for better regulation and control not demanding it all be stopped, right now....

Well, that would certainly be a good thing.

It doesn't solve the problem that it contributes to the idea too many men have that we are just objects.

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:20

"WILLING supply" - it doesn't exist in a bubble, pp2017. If there was no demand women wouldn't create the demand, apart from the odd woman like you presumably, possibly. It could be said some women need protecting from themselves - it's insidious how this it trying to be normalised increasingly.

As pallisers said: "Would any woman, if designing an ideal society, really say "oh forgot the strip club for men - that's pretty essential. Let's put it here next to the school"

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:21

pp2017 - you more than once gone on about men's feelings and how they should be equal. So yes that is exactly what you're saying.

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:23

"I compared FEELINGS with FEELINGS not abuse with feelings - which bit of that is so difficult for you to comprehend?"

What on earth are you on about pp2017? You've gone on about the right of men and their feelings and their need to go to strip clubs, while by saying this it negates the fact that his 'right' comes lower on the scale than women's 'rights'. Bloody hell, take a course in comprehension please. You could do it rather than frequented the strip club.

Skarossinkplunger · 10/10/2017 17:24

Ok annalouise I have a question. Do you believe that there a some women that actively enjoy their work in these clubs?

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:27

It's possible they might think or convince themselves they do. I wouldn't be surprised though if a lot had self esteem problems, problems including abuse growing up, money problems etc. I can't see many from a solid family background going into it. And if they did, thinking it just a bit of fun, I don't think they'd stay.

pp2017 · 10/10/2017 17:27

you more than once gone on about men's feelings and how they should be equal. So yes that is exactly what you're saying.

Are you for real? Yes, I’ve said more than once that men’s feelings are equal to women’s feelings - but I have NOT said that men’s feelings are equal to women being abused - again, feel free to correct me by posting a screenshot of where I have.......

It doesn't solve the problem that it contributes to the idea too many men have that we are just objects.

and this is exactly why further up on the post I’ve said there needs to be more education

pp2017 · 10/10/2017 17:29

It's possible they might think or convince themselves they do. I wouldn't be surprised though if a lot had self esteem problems, problems including abuse growing up, money problems etc. I can't see many from a solid family background going into it.

I actually have no words.......

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:29

And no pp2017 you didn't compare FEELINGS with FEELINGS. You only mentioned the men's feelings. I brought up the other side (in defence of women in this industry) and pointed out it goes beyond feelings for them when they could be suffering physically.

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:29

"- which bit of that is so difficult for you to comprehend?"

Right back at you.

Skarossinkplunger · 10/10/2017 17:31

Annalouise you really have just answered my question. I can't engage with make-believe.

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:32

If you have no words to that pp2017 then you're very stupid. It's a proven fact that people who have been abused as a child (i.e. resulting in low self-esteem) will end up in the sex industry! Here we go - educate yourself!

ic.galegroup.com/ic/ovic/ViewpointsDetailsPage/DocumentToolsPortletWindow?displayGroupName=Viewpoints&jsid=65e447f110c1ffef43c8d314f5b3da1e&action=2&catId=&documentId=GALE%7CEJ3010461207&u=tecu26050&zid=65e5f9c11b537a3fa5c22af7aeebfda6

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:33

Haha, and you Skaross. hahaha oh my god. What planet are you both on. Do you know nothing?

pp2017 · 10/10/2017 17:35

And no pp2017 you didn't compare FEELINGS with FEELINGS. You only mentioned the men's feelings.

my post earlier says:

But equally, why should your feelings come before a mans either - we are all equal human beings are we not??!!

Please do tell me how this was comparing anything other than a mans feelings with another posters feelings?

and I reiterate - feel free to quote or send a screenshot of anything I have said which compares a mans feelings to a woman’s abuse, instead of just repeatedly telling my your interpretation of what I actually said....

Skarossinkplunger · 10/10/2017 17:36

I'm sorry, what don't I know?

NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 17:37

Do you believe that there a some women that actively enjoy their work in these clubs?

Despite the fact this isn't the topic of the thread and you've asked someone else I'll answer as I said all those pages ago when this derailing tactic was used: I believe many do. Now, despite your belittling of me and dismissal of my points I wonder if you'll acknowledge many women and girls are demeaned and have our self-worth eroded by these clubs and the culture they help create?

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:38

Of course, all the women in the sex industry went to private school, had a pony, had loving parents, have no money problems, have sky-high self-esteem.

This report says 85% of those that went into prostitution reported childhood sexual abuse. It's American but I expect the figures are still high in the UK. And yes I know strippers aren't prostitutes but it's not so far fetched to think it could be an entry into it, and clearly a lot will have self-esteem issues or other problems to contemplate it.

You're both very narrow in your education of how the world works.

www.rapeis.org/activism/prostitution/prostitutionfacts.html

NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 17:38

It doesn't solve the problem that it contributes to the idea too many men have that we are just objects.

Exactly.

pp2017 · 10/10/2017 17:39

If you have no words to that pp2017 then you're very stupid. It's a proven fact that people who have been abused as a child (i.e. resulting in low self-esteem) will end up in the sex industry! Here we go - educate yourself!

I’m very well educated thank you, it’s how I know that just because it’s a proven fact that people who have been abused have ended up in the sex industry, does not mean that ALL people who have been abused WILL end up in the sex industry not that ALL people in the sex industry have been abused in their past.

That’s a big old assumption being made right there!

and again with the use of derogatory terms.....

pp2017 · 10/10/2017 17:41

This report says 85% of those that went into prostitution reported childhood sexual abuse.

Prostitution is not the same as dancing in a strip club - perhaps it’s you who needs to educate yourself a bit?

Skarossinkplunger · 10/10/2017 17:41

NoLove I'm sorry I didn't realise you were under 18. I won't be engaging with you anymore.

NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 17:42

I believe the vast majority of women who work in strip clubs choose to do so. I also believe the men who go to strip clubs see all women as sex objects who exist for their sexual gratification. I also know that strip clubs have a huge detrimental effect on the lives of many girls and women. It's the final point which has been ignored by the majority of fans of strip clubs and which I strongly believe should override the first point. I despise strip clubs and everyone who goes there because of the impact they've had on my psyche.

NoLoveofMine · 10/10/2017 17:43

NoLove I'm sorry I didn't realise you were under 18. I won't be engaging with you anymore.

You were belittling me for my "limited life experience" and claimed you'd read all my posts carefully before criticising me so I'm not sure how you didn't realise. Seems you don't want to actually acknowledge the points and are trying to derail the thread to have your own debate, not bothered about the impact of strip clubs on young girls.

annielouise · 10/10/2017 17:44

I've already said strippers aren't prostitutes pp2017 Confused. Can't you read things properly? Still digging your head in the sand? It's not make believe that many of these women will be damaged. If you can't see that you must be stupid. Sorry to insult you but there is not other explanation. Perhaps you're just callous, though, I don't know. Perhaps you do see the abuse (after all you contribute to it) but don't care.

As I've said before it's important to me that ALL women are safe, not just some. But you don't seem to care, clearly. One woman being abused in this industry is one too many. Not for you though, obviously.

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