Strip clubs & Stag dos

[NotInMyBackYard1]

DH went on a stag do in the summer, one night away at a weekend, obvs he came back tired and hungover but said he'd had a good time and didn't go to bed until 630am. I asked which bars stayed open until then but was told they do in Liverpool (?) obviously I am very naive!
Have since found out they were all at a lap dancing club without the stag - he'd gone to bed at midnight. AIBU to think he's bloody disgusting and to have lost all respect for him - for lying by omission and for visiting a lap dancing club in the first place.

No kali110 the one near my school is about a minute away, on the same road and has had its licence continually removed despite huge objections from the school, pupils, parents and local residents.

How did I categorically deny women like you exist, restlesstraveller?:
I said "a lot", not "all". If you're not going to read things properly or make stuff up please don't contribute. What I said was also backed up with various links. All upthread. [bangs head on wall again]

"It's possible they might think or convince themselves they do. I wouldn't be surprised though if a lot had self esteem problems, problems including abuse growing up, money problems etc. I can't see many from a solid family background going into it. And if they did, thinking it just a bit of fun, I don't think they'd stay."

It's a shame that the thread has once again become about whether women think it's brilliant to get in the nuddy for slack jawed perverts to gawp at instead of the real issue, slack jawed perverts and the effect that indulging their bizarre habits has on society.

The politicians and the government aren't going to do it. That's why we still have strip clubs. My point is that it's easy to complain about this stuff but what is your suggested alternative? Have them banned and they will just open up illegally with zero regulation. How is that better?

You aren't paying the stripper's bills, the men are. So the women will continue to strip.

What's the amazing idea to combat this?

The only point on this thread I agree with is that more regulation would obviously be better.

Taking away these women's jobs as strippers and forcing them onto the streets will lead them into prostitution far more quickly than stripping would. But that doesn't matter as long as you prevent men from seeing tits. That is what is truly important here...

Still Nancy91 you completely ignore all my points. As I said, it's hugely belittling and suggests you don't care about how many girls feel.

To be fair, Mrs Dusty,some of us have tried very hard to keep the spotlight on the punters, despite the efforts of others pointing randomly in different directions shouting "Look, a shiny thing!"

The solution is obviously for men to educate themselves.

NoLoveofMine i think that's wrong and do wonder how they've been allowed to do that.
I do not think they should beanywhwre near schools, and did think there was already rules about this.

kali110 I agree. I do oppose them generally too as I've outlined before but know we disagree on that point. Regarding this one it's been there since before I joined the school in 2011 and as I said has had significant opposition to licence renewal but still it remains. It's part of a chain so I think they have quite strong legal representation which might be part of why the council don't want to risk not reissuing their licence but it's infuriating. It enrages me.

NoLove, I'm not ignoring you but I'm not willing to argue with a school aged girl about something like this, I'm sorry but it's uncomfortable. You aren't at an age where your peers have the option to go there. I don't think there should be a strip club near a school, that's gross and unusual as there is legislation stopping that most of the time. I think you're very articulate in your arguments though and I'm sure you'll go far.

I don't disagree with strip clubs from my experience of them. I don't disagree with trading money to look at breasts. Men like breasts and the women like the money so it makes sense as a business. I don't think it makes a man a bad person if he wants to pay for the attention of a woman, I think it's a little bit sad.

More regulation is the best outcome that I would hope for.

Don't worry Nancy, a lot of people would feel uncomfortable arguing with NoLove. She is exceptionally articulate and brings a real focus and intelligence to her arguments. Not everyone is able for it.

Thanks for your reply and compliment. I won't again go into why I have such a strong objection to strip clubs as I've posted them many times. I would reiterate that my peers have no choice but to live in the culture they perpetuate and deal with the one so close to our school but I'll leave it there on that issue.

I think the men who go are unpleasant to put it mildly and I resent their objectification and views of my sex I have no choice but to be subject to. Men might "like" breasts but many women and girls hate being objectified and that men have the right to stroll into clubs which we feel degrade us. Anyway I'll leave it there, thanks again for the compliment.

Thank you pallisers - I am always learning and definitely don't see myself as more able than anyone but your compliments are very encouraging!

Don't worry, Nancy-I can see why you don't want to engage with NoLove any more. I don't think I would if I didn't agree with her either!

Thank you for the support Bertrand!

NoLove, I'm not ignoring you but I'm not willing to argue with a school aged girl about something like this, I'm sorry but it's uncomfortable.

So even the people who think strip clubs are fine think that they aren't suitable to be discussed with young people, even as a theory. I find that interesting.

No, I didn't want to argue with NoLove as it feels like I'm bullying a kid (A level teenager who said I was upsetting her) if I do, and no, stripping and the sex industry isn't an appropriate topic for a stranger to talk about with a young girl, it doesn't feel right talking about adult clubs with someone that can't legally buy a beer, that's weird! So that is why. It would be more appropriate for her parents to discuss it with her for now.

I did say I don't think strip clubs should be near schools, that's not appropriate in the slightest.

I explained what I found upsetting which was being belittled and my sentiments on it ignored. I've discussed it with my parents, particularly my dad in depth. He completely agrees with me and has made his feelings very clear to those who work for and with him (my mum works in a different industry where it's less relevant). I do find it interesting you find it uncomfortable for you to discuss it when girls my age and far younger have to put up with the culture they create not least the one by my school including the harassment this can bring if at school late though.

I think it's a cop-out under the pretence of being 'nice' and 'decent'.

NoLove is almost 18. She's not a 'young girl'. She's intelligent and sounds like she's done debating at school and issues like this would have come up. As she says, it's in her face anyway, she's had no choice in knowing about it, more than she probably wants to. Girls younger than her too. Bit patronising to pat her on the head now.

annielouise indeed, in under 6 months I'll be 18 and legally able to work in such a club. Thank you for the compliments - indeed issues like this have come up and I've debated them since I was quite a bit younger and girls a lot younger than myself have discussed it at school. I do know far more than I'd like and I hate that such young girls at my school are forced to see such a place and have to encounter it.

As I said, the clubs are legal.
Don't care, Nancy91.
So are brothels in many places, and that whole industry is repugnant too.

I've got a 19 year old and 17 year old both of whom did debating and public speaking so I guessed you'd done the same, NoLove. The issues that they've discussed are wide-ranging and can be controversial.

All of a sudden people strangely seemed to be taking a morality stance, as if we can't possibly discuss this with a child. I've been quite blunt with some of my posts. You're on this site discussing an unpleasant topic so I didn't think you were a shrinking violet that we had to tailor our responses for. You're almost 18. Some people are parents at that age.

Anyway, hope you can get back to concentrating on your studies.

I agree with with all of the sensible valid points put forward on both sides by the likes of @NoLoveofMine @BertrandRussell and @Nancy91 (amongst others)

There are strip clubs out there that exploit and abuse workers....
Prostitution does go in some clubs.....
Some strippers do it because they have low self esteem/historic abuse.....
There are some men who see women as lesser than them, as objects to be bought and treat with little or no respect.....
There are women who feel pressured or coerced into saying there fine with it all.....
There are women who feel demeaned and belittled by the whole thing.....

But at the same time,

There are clubs who don’t exploit and abuse their workers....
Prostitution does not go on in every club.....
There is such a thing as a “happy stripper”....
There are some men who don’t treat all women badly, just because at some point they visited a strip club.....
There are some women who genuinely don’t have issues with strip clubs and don’t feel demeaned by their existence...

NONE of these are mutually exclusive !!

What do I personally do as @BertrandRussell has asked, well on the occasions I do go to a club they are carefully chosen, I do my research and ask around to try and gain an idea of whether the club has a good or a bad rep. You also get a general feel for the place by the atmosphere.

I also get a little frustrated and likely to react to the abhorrent behaviour of posters who resort to telling me I’m stupid or naive and looked down upon.

and god knows why have my last post was half bold - it wasn’t meant to be 🤔

You call my behaviour abhorrent when you're supporting the sex industry pp2017.... right