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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend pissed me off at wedding. Am I right to be?

128 replies

WhooshYeah · 05/10/2017 22:39

I just want opinions on if my friend was BU or if IABU for being pissed off with her....

Nutshell
Me and two female friends were at the all-day wedding of our female friend.
We were put on a table with 5 unknown males who were friends of the groom.
Awkward silence at first so I broke the ice and got us all chatting and having a laugh
Zero flirting happening

My friend then started saying
“HEY CLAIRE (me) HOW ARE YOUR THREE KIDS?”
(I have a BF and 3kids. She was saying this in a way as though I was forgetting they existed and was trying to get with these boys.... who might I add were a lot younger than me)
I ignored her and carried on chatting to them
Again she went “HEY CLAIRE, your THREE KIDS... how are they????”
I just ignored her again.
She did it a few times constantly interrupting my conversations with them.
Anyway, the next day she added them all as friends on Facebook despite her having a long term relationship. I didn’t add them, it’s very doubtful any of us will see them again.

Should I just brush all this off.
Or am I right to want to give her a virtual slap?
She was spoiling a fun night.
I don’t flirt so it wasn’t even like that.

Anyway I’ve got that off my chest.

OP posts:

ParkRunning · 05/10/2017 22:41

Some people’s realities are just so far from my own 😕

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 05/10/2017 22:42

I'd ignore it - she was being silly but there's nothing to be gained from bringing it up. Let it go and move on

sooperdooper · 05/10/2017 22:43

Eh? Why didn't you just acknowledge her, not rise to it but say 'they're fine thanks' and carry on with your night?

missmapp · 05/10/2017 22:44

But surely you'd mention your kids when your were chatting on the table. A friend saying that wouldn't annoy me, if answer and return to my previous conversation.

DoJo · 05/10/2017 22:44

Are you sure she wasn't just trying to talk to you, seeing as you two know each other already and you seem to have been engrossed in conversation with the others at the table?

feral · 05/10/2017 22:45

You’re the one being unreasonably by ignoring her, even if she was provoking you. You only had to respond then get back to conversation.

LineysRun · 05/10/2017 22:45

You ignored the bride? Or a friend on your table?

Silverthorn · 05/10/2017 22:45

Eh? Maybe she wanted to know how your kids were?

MinervaSaidThat · 05/10/2017 22:45

She is not a friend. Ditch her. If she sat there like a wet lettuce she probably felt insecure about you being able tp speak to strangers.

ReasonableLlama · 05/10/2017 22:46

Why didn't you just reply to her?

SendintheArdwolves · 05/10/2017 22:46

I'd just forget it.

She was being off for interrupting you and being all weird and pointed. You sort-of played into that by ignoring her - why not just say 'fine thanks'. Or really get your own back by launching into lengthy, boring stories about them

MrsOverTheRoad · 05/10/2017 22:47

I'm sure OP knows when her friend was being a bugger and when she wasn't. OP YANBU...she sounds rude!

I had similar once...talking to a man at an event and my friend came up and grabbed my left hand and said HEY she's ENGAGED!

So rude!

LilyMcClellan · 05/10/2017 22:48

So... to be clear, she asked after your kids, which you took as an insult, and therefore ignored her.

The next day you stalked her Facebook and felt outraged that she had added people that you hadn't considered worth adding.

I think you are being a bit over-sensitive.

MinervaSaidThat · 05/10/2017 22:48

You ignored the bride? Or a friend on your table?

It's obvious OP didn't ignore the bride but a friend on the table, as she she said the friend she ignored is in a long term relationship.

minesapintofwine · 05/10/2017 22:48

I think this is a bit of a non issue tbh. Just forget it. She has.

MinervaSaidThat · 05/10/2017 22:49

The next day you stalked her Facebook

Erm no, it probably popped up on her newsfeed that friend added 5 new friends and their names

ReanimatedSGB · 05/10/2017 22:53

You know her better than we do - is she hugely insecure about her own attractiveness and determined to compete for male attention? Is she one of those self-appointed monogamy police types?

5foot5 · 05/10/2017 22:55

Sounds like she had had a bit too much to drink, hence the silly, childish interruptions

florentinasummertime · 05/10/2017 22:55

Minervas response is Mumsnet to a T

bringbackfonzi · 05/10/2017 22:55

I don't really get this either. Did you not want the young men to know you have children? Or did you just not want to be interrupted? Or are you annoyed because she implied that you were behaving as though you had forgotten you had children?

MyLittleDragon · 05/10/2017 22:56

YANBU. She was jealous because you got chatting to the guys first. I have a friend who does exactly this if I'm sharing a passing comment at the bar with the man next to me (funnily enough she doesn't do it if it's a female I've struck up conversation with).

Other posters: she was not merely enquiring about op's kids!! That's pretty naive.

It's not the way a true friend should behave.

Nonibaloni · 05/10/2017 22:56

I know what you mean. I was once chatting to a bloke at a dinner dance thing where I hardly knew anyone. The friend I cam with did a massive stage whisper "he's gay!". I know she was trying to shift the attention.

Ducknose · 05/10/2017 22:58

I get the context.
Very mean spirited of her, but I'm guessing she felt sidelined and wanted to be more dominant in the conversations. I'd mention it by asking why she felt the need to keep saying it, so she knows it didn't go over your head, but it isn't worth falling out over.

MyLittleDragon · 05/10/2017 22:59

Bring back - ops friend is not so subtlety telling the guys that op has three kids to try and make her look less available/appealing/attractive.

How can you not see that?

It's up to op if and when she brings her kids into the conversation. She should be allowed to chat as a person without first referring to her kids. There's more to women who have given birth than being mum's, they/we have a multitude of other things to discuss as well as and other than our kids particularly on a night out without them.

Jeez.

MinervaSaidThat · 05/10/2017 23:01

Minervas response is Mumsnet to a T grin

Not sure if I should feel flattered or insulted

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