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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend pissed me off at wedding. Am I right to be?

128 replies

WhooshYeah · 05/10/2017 22:39

I just want opinions on if my friend was BU or if IABU for being pissed off with her....

Nutshell
Me and two female friends were at the all-day wedding of our female friend.
We were put on a table with 5 unknown males who were friends of the groom.
Awkward silence at first so I broke the ice and got us all chatting and having a laugh
Zero flirting happening

My friend then started saying
“HEY CLAIRE (me) HOW ARE YOUR THREE KIDS?”
(I have a BF and 3kids. She was saying this in a way as though I was forgetting they existed and was trying to get with these boys.... who might I add were a lot younger than me)
I ignored her and carried on chatting to them
Again she went “HEY CLAIRE, your THREE KIDS... how are they????”
I just ignored her again.
She did it a few times constantly interrupting my conversations with them.
Anyway, the next day she added them all as friends on Facebook despite her having a long term relationship. I didn’t add them, it’s very doubtful any of us will see them again.

Should I just brush all this off.
Or am I right to want to give her a virtual slap?
She was spoiling a fun night.
I don’t flirt so it wasn’t even like that.

Anyway I’ve got that off my chest.

OP posts:
Flatbum · 05/10/2017 23:41

Yes willow pure envy and attention seeking. “If the spotlight isnt on me, it isnt on anyone”

Flatbum · 05/10/2017 23:43

Last im saying is that the “friend” bitch clearly knew how OP’s kids were doing. She did not have any good intentions. Blah.

JemimaLovesHamble · 05/10/2017 23:49

No, I know what she did. It's one of those things that's hard to articulate but it's happened to me too and I lost respect for the friend. I had no interest in competing for male attention and it annoyed me that she pushed me into that position of seeming like I'd been trying to flirt.

Willow2017 · 05/10/2017 23:52

Lily
she is ops friend there was no need to shout across the table asking about her THREE kids. There was no need to mention how many kids op had at all. It was telling the guys at the table that op was a mother with kids, basically warning them off and 'reminding' op that she had kids and a partner and shouldnt be talking to single men! Pure jealousy as they werent paying her attention cos op had the nerve to start up a conversation with them first.

Pathetic behaviour

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/10/2017 00:01

I guess it depends if the "friend" was cutting across the conversation while someone else was speaking, like a frantic toddler desperate for attention.
I think I'd have ignored that the first time, at least, but I would have turned to her the second time and said "they're fine, but you've just interrupted a conversation" and carried on talking to the others.

It appears very obvious that she was trying to declare that you HAD 3 children in case any of the blokes got "ideas" - but you're an adult, you make your own choices, and she was rude.

DarkDarkNight · 06/10/2017 00:11

Very obviously jealous of you. I think sometimes people on Mumsnet deliberately misinterpret things. Who would honestly think a friend would be genuinely asking about the OP's 3 children Hmm

I don't think you should have ignored her though. I would have said a breezy 'fine thank you' or 'the same as when you asked this morning' to let her know she wasn't bothering you.

I had a friend like this. We were in a club when we were teenagers and she told me the man who had asked to buy me a drink was just joking. Then she took great delight in telling me he was talking to someone else later Grin

CoughLaughFart · 06/10/2017 00:16

Well, they may have added her, who knows, but the question is surely why anyone would take issue with who someone else adds on Facebook? Confused

So you think these man added the OP's friend, who they barely spoke to and who made pointed comments when the OP did speak to them, but not the OP?

Willow has it bang on when she points out the so-called friend completely unnecessarily specified how many kids the OP has. No one making a polite enquiry about someone's children feels the need to tell them how many they have. If anyone of my friends had spent several hours pushing human beings out of their body I'd assume they knew how many times it had happened.

KC225 · 06/10/2017 00:16

Were you not tempted to reply, my kids are fine how's your genital warts.

It would have annoyed me too. Is she always like that? Does she need to.put you down to get attention.

Adding them to Facebook the next day, seems very childish and very 'like' hungry.

Sancerresanwine · 06/10/2017 00:25

Eh? You are coming across pretty badly, imo

2littlemoos · 06/10/2017 00:25

I can understand your annoyance but depending on how close you are I think you've missed your chance to say something.

CoughLaughFart · 06/10/2017 00:30

Eh? You are coming across pretty badly, imo

This seems pointlessly vague.

TheDowagerCuntess · 06/10/2017 00:39

Your friends sounds annoying and yes, like she was making a pointed remark. But a quick, 'they're fine thanks' would've closed her down, surely.

Agustarella · 06/10/2017 00:40

Reminds me of a girl I met when I volunteered for a bit at a city centre drop in type place for families. One of the guys who worked there was handsome so I quite liked to talk to him, and one girl used to always insert herself between us and made the conversation all about her. I wasn't that hurt because she was just a slightly odd acquaintance, but if a friend had acted like that I would have taken it much more personally. I suggest that the OP unfollow and avoid this annoyingly competitive person! And YANBU.

BackInTheRoom · 06/10/2017 00:41

No, YANBU. I would have ignored her too. Interrupting and with her intention to sabotage an innocent conversation was rude and childish. Her adding them on Facebook is not really your concern but in a way highlights she was jealous of your convo and wanted to get to know them.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 06/10/2017 00:57

YANBU, she sounds like a ‘friend’ I used to have who, if we were ever out for drinks and I so much as glanced in a man’s general direction would bellow loudly “Ooh Cherry you’re married now, can’t have your cake and eat it” 🙄 more embarrassing because some bloke who you don’t fancy suddenly thinks that
A) you do fancy him and
B) you fancy him so much you have to be calmed down by your mate

Sounds a little like jealousy TBH

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 06/10/2017 00:58

Also I don’t think the OP was insinuating anything re the adding on Facebook other than the fact that her friend is a huge hypocrite

Migraleve · 06/10/2017 01:00

You could have answered her?

I don’t understand your issue with her adding people on Facebook when she is in a relationship. I’m married and add people on Facebook Hmm

bridgetreilly · 06/10/2017 01:01

Here's an idea: you could both grow up and start acting like adults.

Nightsleepneeded · 06/10/2017 01:24

I don't think the OP needs to 'grow up' at all.

MinervaSaidThat · 06/10/2017 06:27

I don’t understand your issue with her adding people on Facebook when she is in a relationship. I’m married and add people on Facebook hmm

Read the thread again for a clue on the issue.

flumpybear · 06/10/2017 06:39

She was jealous that you had the attention on you I’d guess

tippz · 06/10/2017 06:40

Bring back - ops friend is not so subtlety telling the guys that op has three kids to try and make her look less available/appealing/attractive.

How can you not see that?

It's up to op if and when she brings her kids into the conversation. She should be allowed to chat as a person without first referring to her kids. There's more to women who have given birth than being mum's, they/we have a multitude of other things to discuss as well as and other than our kids particularly on a night out without them.

Jeez.

This ^

The OP's friend sounds like a nasty, spiteful bitch.

She was clearly miffed that the OP was getting attention from men, and as has been said, she wanted to 'put her in her place.' As quite a few people have said, there is a lot more to a woman than being a mother, and how the OP's 'friend' behaved was disgraceful. And the fact that she added all these men as friends on facebook shows she was interested in them.

I would have been SO tempted to just yell 'why the FUCK do you keep going on about my kids, and why the FUCK would you assume they're not OK. Go FUCK yourself, you silly cow.'

I know exactly what the OP' 'friend' was up to. Nasty, mean-spirited little bitch wouldn't be my friend after that. I would start by unfriending and blocking her on facebook.

RespoDad · 06/10/2017 06:47

Where is OP? I want her

singadream · 06/10/2017 06:50

Yanbu.

I have three kids and people wth fewer are always bringing them up to strangers saying things like "this crazy woman has three" if one comes up in conversation. But in the circumstances you describe she was clearly trying to stop you have a fun chatty night.

SoupDragon · 06/10/2017 07:00

She asked after you and your children and you ignored her. You were rude.

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