Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Friend pissed me off at wedding. Am I right to be?

128 replies

WhooshYeah · 05/10/2017 22:39

I just want opinions on if my friend was BU or if IABU for being pissed off with her....

Nutshell
Me and two female friends were at the all-day wedding of our female friend.
We were put on a table with 5 unknown males who were friends of the groom.
Awkward silence at first so I broke the ice and got us all chatting and having a laugh
Zero flirting happening

My friend then started saying
“HEY CLAIRE (me) HOW ARE YOUR THREE KIDS?”
(I have a BF and 3kids. She was saying this in a way as though I was forgetting they existed and was trying to get with these boys.... who might I add were a lot younger than me)
I ignored her and carried on chatting to them
Again she went “HEY CLAIRE, your THREE KIDS... how are they????”
I just ignored her again.
She did it a few times constantly interrupting my conversations with them.
Anyway, the next day she added them all as friends on Facebook despite her having a long term relationship. I didn’t add them, it’s very doubtful any of us will see them again.

Should I just brush all this off.
Or am I right to want to give her a virtual slap?
She was spoiling a fun night.
I don’t flirt so it wasn’t even like that.

Anyway I’ve got that off my chest.

OP posts:

MyLittleDragon · 05/10/2017 23:02

Duck nose - you'd have to ponder why the friend chose ops kids as her opening line then. Of all the things, she picks the one which says Mum/unavailable/baggage (to most guys, particularly single younger guys). Wonder why that was? She could just have joined into the existing conversation or left op to it. Y'know, enjoying herself as a person not "just" a mum.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 05/10/2017 23:03

Why didn't you answer her? You should have just said "fine thanks why do you ask?" I get what you are saying but you could have just shut her down, I don't get why you didn't

GuntyMcGee · 05/10/2017 23:04

This happened to me several years ago.

I'm chatting to a bloke, nothing particularly flirty, just a chat at a bar about the slow bar service. 'Friend' leans in and shouts 'she's married you know!'

Bloke looks confused, I reply 'yes I am, and my friend is a knob' and we continue conversation. Friend then leans in and shouts 'her husband will kick your arse if he see this!'

Bloke raises eyebrows and walks away. Friend looks all smug as if she's saved me from some epic disastrous mistake.

She went a step further in trying to tell my DH a while later that I'd been flirting at the bar with someone. Fortunately DH is laid back and knows me well enough to not rise to the bait.

Needless to say she's no longer a friend.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/10/2017 23:06

She didn’t ask after op’s kids, fgs . She was pointedly (repeatedly) flagging it up to the guys op was talking to that she had a family, as if op had asked them all to join her in the honeymoon suite.

OlennasWimple · 05/10/2017 23:09

She was BU to keep bringing them up in a "I'm trying to save you from yourself" type way

YABU to have ignored her three times and then to get offended at her adding them on FB

Garlicansapphire · 05/10/2017 23:09

Yeah your friend's a bit of a dick. she felt threatened and wanted to put you in your place.

But then again, why bother worrying? You have a boyfriend and kids. No biggie. You didn't fancy the guys and weren't flirting so it doesn't matter at all if your boyfriend and kids are mentioned. In that situation I'd absolutely acknowledge, 'yeah I'm very lucky and I'm so very loved, queue up to find my secret' and so everyone then knows you are the happiest and most fun person there. No one can touch you then.

No one has power over you unless you let them.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 05/10/2017 23:10

Your friends not really a friend, a real friend would have had a quiet word in the loo if she thought you were behaving badly not embarrassed you like that, is she single?

LilyMcClellan · 05/10/2017 23:10

Erm no, it probably popped up on her newsfeed that friend added 5 new friends and their names

Well, they may have added her, who knows, but the question is surely why anyone would take issue with who someone else adds on Facebook?

bringbackfonzi · 05/10/2017 23:13

Mylittledragon Maybe I'm just being dense but I still don't really get it. This was a wedding, OP has no interest in seeing these men again, she was just chatting and making conversation, so who cares if she has children or not? What's it got to do with anything, really?Why does it imply 'baggage' - as I understand it no-one was looking for a relationship with or without baggage. Maybe the friend was annoying to keep interrupting but the OP is not defined by her dc so why does it matter? Like others have said, the best thing imo would have been to say 'Fine thanks' and move on.

Benedikte2 · 05/10/2017 23:14

Lily, the reason OP mentioned it is to shed light on the friend's possible motivation regarding her behaviour at the wedding

MinervaSaidThat · 05/10/2017 23:16

Well, they may have added her, who knows, but the question is surely why anyone would take issue with who someone else adds on Facebook? confused

Because she was trying to shame the OP into stopping chatting to the men in the guise of asking her about her children, and then continued her contact with the men herself via FB despite being in a long term relationship. It's hypocrisy.

DingDongDenny · 05/10/2017 23:17

Your friend was being a dick. Not only was it fine to chat to the guys at your table, it would have been rude not to and I'm guessing the bride put you together because she thought you would get on and have a laugh

Does she really think that just because you are in a relationship and have kids that you aren't allowed to be left unattended by someone of the opposite sex?

MinervaSaidThat · 05/10/2017 23:20

I would be embarrassed if a friend did this to me. It may send a message to the men that I am trying to flirt with them, when I am just being friendly/making conversation.

It's like being back at school, and your friend tells a boy 'my friend Sara fancies you'. When you don't.

Ducknose · 05/10/2017 23:20

@MyLittleDragon I agree. I think you misunderstood my post

MammaTJ · 05/10/2017 23:22

Friend was clearly signalling to these guys that you were not available but she was. YANBU to be pissed off, but you need to be amusing in how you deal with her. Maybe every time you meet her ask her in a very exaggerated way how her BF is! Like... every... single.... time....

MyLittleDragon · 05/10/2017 23:23

Bring back - it's not about the guys and whether op would want to see them again etc, it's about the friendship.

A friend who resents you being the first to chat to some guys on the table. Who got the laughs going. Who was centre of attention for a short while because she stuck her neck out and was first to break the ice.

And a friend who is jealous of that and reminds op and these guys of her "place" - Mum. Not ice-breaking, witty woman who had the table laughing. As for "why it implies baggage" - it's because ops friend can't stand to see op held in the passing attention of a group of new guys even for a few minutes. "How are your three kids" - it's not even necessary, presumably by the time they've sat down to dinner the friend knows the kids are all fine by then. Why wouldn't they be?

Why can't you see that?!

Why do you think the friend was asking op that if it wasn't to be spiteful/down to jealousy?

HeebieJeebies456 · 05/10/2017 23:26

'Friend' was obviously getting jealous...and over nothing.
She was deliberately being a dick....even more so by trying to shit stir between you and your dh
Does she have form for trying to piss on your sunshine?
Who needs 'friends' like that?

The adding them on fb, that's just typical insecurity, "look, they only chatted to you for a bit but they liked me enough to add me on fb"
So immature.

I don't think there's much point talking to her, she'll only twist it around back on you.
Instead, Grey Rock her.
Put her on your 'restricted' fb setting so she no longer has access to your 'inner circle'.
Go completely cool, don't initiate contact, be vague and in a hurry/busy if she wants your time.

MyLittleDragon · 05/10/2017 23:26

Duck nose - sorry, misinterpreted your "sidelined" as "friend was only trying to join in too".

LilyMcClellan · 05/10/2017 23:27

@Benedikte2

So we're working on the assumption that despite being in a long-term relationship, the "friend" was actually trying to hit on all these young fellows and didn't want the OP to ruin her chances by talking to them? Really?

Flatbum · 05/10/2017 23:34

I agree Minerva it would be embarrasing for a friend to do that and just fucking annoying TBF. And it was a hypocrisy for her to add them on FB after making OP look like some kind of flirty baggaged deperado! So awkward i wouldnt of been able to ignore her id of said something like “my kids are fine, you know they are, why are you either jealous of this interaction or intimidated by the fact i am holding an innocent conversation with someone of the opposite sex, are we at school you child?” And just blew her ass right out of the water. Boom.
Hate people like her.
I hate alot of things/people though. So.

Ducknose · 05/10/2017 23:35

@MyLittleDragon I can see I wasn't very clear once I went back and read it.
I meant that the friend was fully aware of what she was doing (making sure the men knew that OP's role is that of a mother, not someone to have a laugh with on a night out), and why ('so now you can pay meeee more attention instead')

Willow2017 · 05/10/2017 23:35

What mylittledragon said.
It's pretty damm obvious why she shouted that at op
Nothing to do with friendship, asking about her kids etc. She knows op she doesn't need to ask how they are in the middle of a conversation with someone else.

Pure attention seeking/putting op in her box and out of the spotlight.

She isn't a friend op I would ask her what the hell her problem was.

midnightmisssuki · 05/10/2017 23:36

I would have probably told her off - I can see where you are coming from as it's happened to me before..... by my own sister!

Flatbum · 05/10/2017 23:39

LilyMcClellan if she wasnt interested or attempting to “hit” on them herself, why would she add them on FB? Unless she adds every person she comes into contact with on it? And for her to be so eager to disrupt OP’s and their conversation by taking a swipe at her kids? Some women get jealous of men giving other women attention. Its not about her wanting to ruin OP’s chances, its just that it wasnt her they was having a conversation/interested in talking to. Some women go green with envy for petty shit like that! Its What makes me like animals more than other bitchy women

LilyMcClellan · 05/10/2017 23:39

Why do you think the friend was asking op that if it wasn't to be spiteful/down to jealousy?

If someone asked me how my kids were, I'd assume it was because they wanted to know how my kids were.

I honestly don't have a single friend who would make nasty assumptions about me and try to cut me down to size with pointed questions based on those assumptions. And I don't have any friends who would be jealous of me being the centre of attention for a bit.

Likewise I don't make nasty assumptions about my friends (like that a friend in a long-term relationship was trying to get attention from a table of young guys).

If that is genuinely the case on either side of this, I can't see how there is anything you can call a friendship at all.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6