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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend pissed me off at wedding. Am I right to be?

128 replies

WhooshYeah · 05/10/2017 22:39

I just want opinions on if my friend was BU or if IABU for being pissed off with her....

Nutshell
Me and two female friends were at the all-day wedding of our female friend.
We were put on a table with 5 unknown males who were friends of the groom.
Awkward silence at first so I broke the ice and got us all chatting and having a laugh
Zero flirting happening

My friend then started saying
“HEY CLAIRE (me) HOW ARE YOUR THREE KIDS?”
(I have a BF and 3kids. She was saying this in a way as though I was forgetting they existed and was trying to get with these boys.... who might I add were a lot younger than me)
I ignored her and carried on chatting to them
Again she went “HEY CLAIRE, your THREE KIDS... how are they????”
I just ignored her again.
She did it a few times constantly interrupting my conversations with them.
Anyway, the next day she added them all as friends on Facebook despite her having a long term relationship. I didn’t add them, it’s very doubtful any of us will see them again.

Should I just brush all this off.
Or am I right to want to give her a virtual slap?
She was spoiling a fun night.
I don’t flirt so it wasn’t even like that.

Anyway I’ve got that off my chest.

OP posts:
BlueSapp · 06/10/2017 10:07

sorry didnt see that bit. I think she was feeling a little threatened/third wheel type akwardness.

MerryMarigold · 06/10/2017 10:23

Or really get your own back by launching into lengthy, boring stories about them

^ Just with her, whilst female friend no.2 flirted away

Crimblewick · 06/10/2017 10:29

I don't think I could be bothered giving this a moment's thought.
I can see some immaturity on both sides. Friend has a couple of glasses of vino and acts like a knob. OP's had a couple of glasses of vino and decides to ignore her instead of saying 'OK thanks' and stopping it dead.
A non-event. Friends don't always behave how we'd like, because nobody's perfect. At my advanced age, if I'd taken umbrage every time a friend behaved less than impeccably, I'd be a very lonely woman.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 06/10/2017 10:32

THEY'RE FINE THANKS! HOW'S YOUR HERPES?

MyLittleDragon · 06/10/2017 10:35

Crimble - but with friends like that... it's not how friends should behave as a normal state. As I said, I have a friend who does exactly this. I also have friends who wouldn't dream if it (like I wouldn't). Just because a person is your friend doesn't make it ok to do something spitefully. No it doesn't mean you should stop being friends, but to not recognise that it was spiteful/jealous behaviour of the friend is naive.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 06/10/2017 10:42

This is reminiscent of a uni friend of mine.

We spent our 3rd year at a french uni on an exchange scheme. Every time we met anyone she would introduce me (got in first).

"This is Raptor, she's engaged"

Every. Bloody. Time. Grin

Crimblewick · 06/10/2017 10:43

but to not recognise that it was spiteful/jealous behaviour of the friend is naïve

We don't know that because we weren't there. After a couple of drinks, the friend might have thought she was being amusing and witty, and when it fell flat because OP ignored her and didn't hoot with laughter, she repeated it over to cover her embarrassment. And still OP ignored her.
That's not an impossible scenario. But I generally give people the benefit of the doubt, providing they are otherwise good and reliable friends.

Migraleve · 06/10/2017 10:48

I don’t understand your issue with her adding people on Facebook when she is in a relationship. I’m married and add people on Facebook hmm

Read the thread again for a clue on the issue.

Thanks for your advice. I have read it several times over and have yet to find the clue you speak of.

Birdsgottafly · 06/10/2017 11:20

I had a friend who would put it that "we were all having a laugh", when what she would do is cut me out of the conversation, then chat to any men there was about. It was particularly annoying when we had gone somewhere together and didn't anyone else there.

From a different POV, she could have been doing it in a "Hello, I am here" type of way. Were you dominating the conversation?

OP why didn't you at any point ask her if something was wrong?

Crimblewick · 06/10/2017 11:35

Birdsgottafly said.
Were you dominating the conversation?

Original post said.

I broke the ice and got us all chatting and having a laugh

That's how I read it as well.

Willow2017 · 06/10/2017 12:19

"I got us all chatting."

Friend had no need to shout out to remind op she had 3 kids. It was only done to let the men know op had kid to warn them off so they would hopefully pay more attention to bitch friend. Nobody does that in the middle of someone else's conversation without an agenda.

Sweetpea55 · 06/10/2017 12:25

She's jealous and thought you were getting more attention than her,

DanHumphreyIsA · 06/10/2017 15:32

*Today 10:32 YetAnotherSpartacus

THEY'RE FINE THANKS! HOW'S YOUR HERPES?*

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

OP even though its day(s) later, just text her this please and report back

ParanoidBeryl · 06/10/2017 16:26

After the 2nd time I would have had to say something.

'Friend is letting you know I have 3 children just in case you were thinking of having a quick shag behind the wedding cake.' Wink

ReanimatedSGB · 06/10/2017 17:16

I used to know a woman a bit like this - couldn't stand to see any other woman getting any attention from men. She would always come up and muscle in on the conversation and edge the other woman out.
(She was a friend of a friend, so she just used to be around sometimes when we (all girls, all single at that point) went on a night out.

I wasn't terribly bothered by her as, mostly, the type of men we encountered on those nights were not the type of men I fancy. But I did silently revel in it the one time I was chatting to a man at the end of an evening where we had all mingled with other people a lot more, and she came up with her usual 'Oh, [man] wasn't that a great night [yap yap yappity yap] and he looked her up and down and said, 'Sorry, I was talking to (SGB)... and anyway SGB can I have your phone number?'

Aeroflotgirl · 06/10/2017 17:35

I would have said the first time, "yes their fine thanks", not ignored her. She was being a total and utter prat.

Willow2017 · 06/10/2017 17:43

Paranoid
thats brilliant! Grin

Reanimated
I would have love to be there when that happened, she must have been spitting bricks. Grin

sofato5miles · 07/10/2017 06:00

Migraleve, perhaps refer back to my post on perception.

singadream · 07/10/2017 06:49

Not read whole thread. But another thought... is she single? Because I have a friend who when she was coupled up and I wasn't seemed to flirt with all the single men to show me she could have them and to rub in my single status iyswim. Maybe she has a complex about people doing that and reacted badly. I say badly because when I met dh the said friend did this but he managed to see past this and go for me anyway. Phew

Nettletheelf · 07/10/2017 08:07

HAHAHAHAHA at Paranoid Beryl.

I can understand why the OP ignored her inappropriately behaved friend (Mylittledragon encapsulates nicely why the friend was being an arse). OP didn't want a scene or a confrontation in front of people she didn't really know and would be sitting with at dinner.

It won't have been a calculated "let's ignore her" - more a split second reaction caused by embarrassment at her friend's behaviour.

I can't believe that people are making excuses for the friend, who actually is no friend of the OP.

Something similar happened to me in reverse. I was at a party and bumped into a bloke I'd been on a training course with. I was catching up with him when a bloke we both knew joined us and said, "Hey, Phil, how's your WIFE?" "I saw your WIFE yesterday, Phil".

It was really embarrassing on both sides. Cast me as the femme fatale seducing married men and him as a husband with a wandering eye. I knew that he was married and it was just a friendly chat.

Willow2017 · 07/10/2017 11:10

sing
Op says in her first post that this woman is in a long term relationship.

Op was only getting conversation going no need for crazy woman to be so blatantly needy for attention from men.

LineysRun · 07/10/2017 11:14

Nettletheelf, I think you've explained it really well, and why OP might have ignored the friend.

Isetan · 07/10/2017 14:16

You both sound like a right judgemental pair (explains why you are friends), her for insinuating that being a parent should prevent you from talking to random males and you, for insinuating that her being in a relationship and adding random males amounts to a double standard.

If you’re not a teenager, then grow up.

Migraleve · 07/10/2017 17:55

Migraleve, perhaps refer back to my post on perception

Oh, so because you think some people are less perceptive than others that your evaluation of the OP is the only possible?

MaggieS41 · 07/10/2017 19:55

I think she was being a dick but the fact you ignored her kind of shows she might have a reason for asking that way! Would I be right in assuming something similar like this has happened before? I’m a huge flirt but I always throw in the DH and 2 kids because they’re so much a part of my life that there’s more ‘we’ than ‘I’ in a conversation...

^^Do we know why the op ignored her???

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