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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off and frustrated with work colleague who is always off sick?

179 replies

ManicUnicorn · 04/10/2017 13:28

I work in a school nursery. There are three members staff, the teacher myself and another TA. Unfortunately the other TA has a tendency to take days off sick. A lot. Bare in mind we are only in week five of the new term, she's had four days off already. She was off sick last Friday, there was no explanation for it and we were just told she was ill. Then she was off for two days the week before that, and now again today!

Now I know people get ill. Especially in schools at this time of year, but this just seems a lot of days scattered about here and there.

It's causing real problems. Today we had activities planned, I knew exactly what I was doing, had my resources ready etc. Arrive to find colleague off sick. Well then everything went to pot. Another member of staff was drafted in from elsewhere, but didn't know the children or where anything was, what we had planned or the routine. Obviously not their fault, but it was stressful nightmare. The kids were horrendous due to the change in routine, again. Colleague also does lunch duty and that was all messed up as well.

AIBU to be annoyed with her? She seemed completley fine yesterday. We all have days where we don't feel too great, or we're tired or whatever but you just have to suck it up and carry on.

OP posts:
Gingertam · 04/10/2017 19:05

You'll get loads of people on here saying you are being unreasonable. I always think these people are probably off sick a lot too. Over the years I've worked with some real skivers. Of course there are genuine people, but people who have lots of odd days off are rarely seriously ill. There's a difference between being ill and just not feeling 100%. They are also extremely selfish leaving their colleagues to pick up the slack. Companies are really strict over sick days now. This is due to a number of people over the years "swinging the lead".

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/10/2017 19:08

Only on MN !

Yanbu to be annoyed and presumably knowledge of her health problems would make you more sympathetic

Discuss with a superior and be professional and ask for their advice on how to handle the extra workload and prioritising??

coddiwomple · 04/10/2017 19:10

My migraines are my business no one else's Hmm
fine, but don't expect sympathy from colleagues when you disappear every Friday.

Do you know how many conditions have relapses and remissions, sometimes multiple times in a week?
and how many happened only when someone is out of the office, and never in front of his colleagues? Most of the medical issues you quoted do not happen on a timer and most people will feel unwell during the day at work (then go home early if needed).

MyCatHasStaff · 04/10/2017 19:21

I work in a school and we have a TA just like this. She has loads of odd days off, no long term health conditions (hugely over-shares, we would know) and it's a total pain the arse. YANBU

Coconutspongexo · 04/10/2017 19:27

I don't want sympathy? Where did I say I want sympathy? Hmm

SarahH12 · 04/10/2017 19:28

Most of the medical issues you quoted do not happen on a timer and most people will feel unwell during the day at work

Yes but most of us still don't tell our colleagues! I know when I'm starting to feel ill I don't tell my colleagues, I just try and get to the end of the day as best I can and then if I'm worse the next day I don't go in.

crimsonlake · 04/10/2017 19:31

Good grief you really do need to become more flexible. Yes children need continuity but it will be the teacher here who is suffering more as a result of this and her planning may or may not be affected. Staff are often ill as a result of illnesses or courses and children are very adaptable. As others have said you can count yourself lucky that the school drafts in another ta from elsewhere in the school. I work as a supply teacher and know from experience how adaptable children are know teachers plans are always followed whether we are down a ta or not.

JonSnowsWife · 04/10/2017 20:02

people are not bright and bouncy one day, and then bed ridden the next

Confused
permatiredmum · 04/10/2017 20:10

Pregnancy sickness was just like this with me. Praying for death one day and then ok the next. My gut feeling is this is what's going on here and of course her employers can't touch her for it

Theresnonamesleft · 04/10/2017 20:22

If slt told the rest of the staff why I was off, I would be fuming. My private medical business has fuck all else to do with anyone else. It's between myself, medical professionals and management/hr.

Working in a school ou have to adapt because at any point in the day things can change.

ChoudeBruxelles · 04/10/2017 20:25

If she’s off a lot it’s down to the management to manage it. I would expect they’ve already spoken to her. She could have any number of things wrong with her. Just cos she goes to the gym doesn’t mean she can’t be ill

Bbbbbbb · 04/10/2017 20:37

By all means, feel put out because she's not at work. But don't feel put out to the reasons you think she's not at work, when you have no real clue. That's just obsurd Hmm

SnowBells · 04/10/2017 20:59

Of course it makes a difference to the kids' behaviour!
TAs are usually involved with individual children, in a supportive role, and so of course the child will be affected if the person who supports her/him is not there.

Hmm... where I grew up when I was younger, we had no TAs. If kids are that much more difficult to handle these days in the U.K., we have a bigger fish to fry than the absence of one TA.

StealthPolarBear · 04/10/2017 21:02

So many people on this thread are explaining how many people have this that or the other condition.
But some people do lie and some people retire to their beds with a sniffle too. Do they not exist?

guest2013 · 04/10/2017 21:09

"I very much doubt she's got a serious illness like cancer. She's young, fit and healthy, and has a very physical hobby that she's very involved in. Every spare moment is spent in the gym, which is why I'm suspicious I suppose."

So was my Dad, until he died.

SnowBells · 04/10/2017 21:12

People who keep on saying that people DO lie.. well, yes... people do. But what happened to the saying “innocent until proven guilty”?

Also, IMHO... from ALL the workplaces I have found myself in over the last 20 years... people who are often “missed” when they’re not at work are ALWAYS the ones who do most of the work!

So people moan, moan, moan when these people are not there, but hardly notice the week-long absence of another colleague who has a “lighter” workload.

And you know what? Hardly anyone seems to realise this. It’s very annoying.

jennielou75 · 04/10/2017 21:32

Op is she a dancer?

StealthPolarBear · 05/10/2017 06:09

That's not my experience snow, the people who have regular Mondays and Fridays off sick also tend not to pull their weight other times. But asyt least when they're there you can deal with that.

StealthPolarBear · 05/10/2017 06:11

And afaik in employment issues its not innocent until proven guilty, it's on the balance of probability

pictish · 05/10/2017 06:19

I work in a school too. Do you not have an absence policy that states you need to attend an 'absence review' if you're off more than three separate times in a six month period? We do. I don't agree with it but that's the policy.

ElizaDontlittle · 05/10/2017 06:22

I always fear my colleagues feel like you do.

I have ME/CFS and Crohn's disease, with a stoma, and mental health difficulties. I am just about managing on all fronts. I don't work in a school but I have had a week off since the beginning of September. I feel like I need to try and hang on to my job but I massively feel for my colleagues.

Just keep explaining the problems it gives you, but try to have some compassion.

StealthPolarBear · 05/10/2017 06:32

Eliza are you frequently off Mondays and Fridays but not in between?

Guavaf1sh · 05/10/2017 06:36

YANBU- this kind of thing can really demoralise a department and a colleague off sick all the time, be it true or not, has a variable and sometimes massive effect on others which can really corrode any job satisfaction that may otherwise occur and turn a day of enjoyable work into a firefighting exercise

MaisyPops · 05/10/2017 06:36

YANBU to be irritated that yoy are regularly planning and having to change things each time she is off. If it was a medical app then i would have said that it's polite to say to a colleague you are sharing work with 'im out Tuesday' so they can plan around it.

YABU to speculate about whether she has any medical conditions etc based on her age, size, gym habits

But, as people have said we have all worked with skivers. The ones who suddenly have a bug, who are off mon/fri. Where they have a common cold but suddenly it's pneumonia so they best take precautions. Who claim to have been vomiting apparently on Monday but are well enough on Tuesday to be in work despite the 24/48 hour rule. The piss takers in other words.

Yogagirl123 · 05/10/2017 06:43

Difficult one, OP, I not surprised you feel disappointed when you are left to pick up the pieces. Never easy if colleagues don't pull their weight, but as others have said they may be a serious issue, you are not aware of. Just because someone looks fit in healthy, doesn't always mean they are! Invisible illnesses may be more common than you think.

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