To be pissed off and frustrated with work colleague who is always off sick?

[ManicUnicorn]

I work in a school nursery. There are three members staff, the teacher myself and another TA. Unfortunately the other TA has a tendency to take days off sick. A lot. Bare in mind we are only in week five of the new term, she's had four days off already. She was off sick last Friday, there was no explanation for it and we were just told she was ill. Then she was off for two days the week before that, and now again today!

Now I know people get ill. Especially in schools at this time of year, but this just seems a lot of days scattered about here and there.

It's causing real problems. Today we had activities planned, I knew exactly what I was doing, had my resources ready etc. Arrive to find colleague off sick. Well then everything went to pot. Another member of staff was drafted in from elsewhere, but didn't know the children or where anything was, what we had planned or the routine. Obviously not their fault, but it was stressful nightmare. The kids were horrendous due to the change in routine, again. Colleague also does lunch duty and that was all messed up as well.

AIBU to be annoyed with her? She seemed completley fine yesterday. We all have days where we don't feel too great, or we're tired or whatever but you just have to suck it up and carry on.

[busyboysmum]

It's selfish of her if she genuinely isn't ill. I had a secretary like that once. She would take her 20 paid sick days as holidays. There was nothing wrong with her. She was the direct reason the firm I worked for cut paid sick days down to 5.

I would expect as her actions impact so much on you she would explain to you if she had one of these diseases where you look perfectly healthy on the outside. Then you would understand and be sympathetic I'm sure.

[coddiwomple]

Just wait till it happens to you.

what, to become one of these people who are a picture of health but suddenly become unwell around weekends, when the sales are on etc?
In real life, people are not bright and bouncy one day, and then bed ridden the next, and repeat.

[Mittens1969]

I suppose the reason why posters react like that to OPs’ complaints about other people in RL is that the other person isn’t there to defend themselves, and it makes us uncomfortable to be bitching about them. But it does sound like this colleague just likes to give herself a long weekend every now and then.

Of course she might be depressed/have chronic fatigue, but it doesn’t seem likely with her physical hobby.

But obviously we don’t know. Either way, it’s a tricky situation for the OP and her other colleagues.

[Fluffyears]

Coddy if someone has MS there can be days where they appear fine and the next unable to move. My father had MS and some days he’d be totally fine then on others unable to get up out of bed. If this person has a severe condition then that is quite possible.

[Zeelove]

I have a few people like this in work with me. They are piss takers

[MsUnderstanding]

YABU. It could be mental rather than physical, either way it's none of your business.

[Timeywimey8]

She could get something like migraines.

I work from home. If I didn't, I'd end up having at least one day off a month because of bad headaches. Because I am at home, I can have an hour in bed when it gets bad and catch up later when it's not as bad.

And imagine trying to work with a load of little kids with a migraine!

I am otherwise very fit and healthy.

[LakieLady]

In real life, people are not bright and bouncy one day, and then bed ridden the next, and repeat

You've obviously never met anyone who suffers from recurrent migraines. I can be fine one minute, then puking my guts up, in agony and barely able to see 5 minutes later. And there have been a couple of really awful viruses around where I live, one of which seems to start off mild, then you recover, then you get something similar but at least 3 times as bad a few days later. DP and I have both had it, so have colleagues, several clients and loads of kids. There's a d&v bug doing the rounds too.

It really is none of your business, OP. If you're concerned about the impact her absence is having on your work, you need to discuss it with your line manager. However, even if she was under some absence management plan, your manager wouldn't be able to tell you because it's confidential, so the problem could be being addressed for all you know.

[Timeywimey8]

people are not bright and bouncy one day, and then bed ridden the next

total rubbish. I was at work one day and absolutely fine. That evening I was shivering a bit while I was waiting for DH at the railway station and wondering why I felt so cold. By the following morning it was clear I had flu and I had the next 2 weeks off work.

[Coconutspongexo]

people are not bright and bouncy one day, and then bed ridden the next


Utter shit
I can be fine one day and completely unable to get out of bed the next day. You've obviously never been around anyone wit severe migraines/chronic illnesses.

[LoverOfCake]

Oh come on, we've all worked with someone who is (that( person. And it's disingenuous to suggest that everyone who regularly has a friday or a monday or a sunny day off sick must have some hidden illness that they've never had the confidence to talk to their team about.

No of course the OP doesn't have the right to know about this colleague's business but she does have the right to be pissed off if regular sickness means that the team are regularly left without a member and having to make alternative arrangements.

And having a day here, a day there likely means that she can self certify so HR will only have her word for what is going on as well.

Incidentally, my DP works with a woman who is constantly off sick. She originally worked in a different department and would have a day or two here, a day or two there but on an all too regular basis. Then they changed their procedures and put in a system of having a discussion after more than three periods of sickness over a twelve month period and bingo, her sickness patern changed overnight and now she has one long period of sickness (around four months) every year between the beginning of the summer holidays and the end of October half term.

And it's always the same time of year and always coincides with the school holidays when she wouldn't have childcare.

The team don't have the right to know what illness she has if any but they absolutely have the right to be pissed off that she ditches them every year at the same time which is their busiest.

Of course there are people who are genuinely ill but there are also piss-takers, and it's those people who make it harder for those who have genuine illness to be taken seriously.

[coddiwomple]

ou've obviously never been around anyone wit severe migraines/chronic illnesses.

I do have severe migraines, which is a whole different thread, but my colleagues have never thought I was taken sickies for the fun of it. For a start, it's never been a secret and it's pretty obvious when they start at work

Of course you can have the flu etc, but you rarely suffer from regular "Friday flu" do you.

My companies has completely stopped paid sick days, so no one can complain to only get statutory. In practice, some people get full pay when they are off, because they are genuine.

It's all well and good defending people who are taking the piss, but what about when that is affecting others who are really unwell? What about the colleague with a difficult pregnancy, the one who is being treated for cancer, but the radiation don't stop her completely from working..
Everybody has their own problem, their own health issue, family issue. Piss takers are making life difficult for everyone. Saying you don't know what happens in someone's private life applies to the entire office, even the one having to pick up the slack.

[Coconutspongexo]

I tend to get my migraines every single Friday they normally last until the Sunday evening, people probably think I'm taking the piss but they also thought I was taking the piss when I was hospitalised due to my anorexia so it's made me care a lot less about colleagues.

[SnowBells]

YABU.

Seriously, I don’t know how people here in the U.K. are so devoted to their employers that they don’t even understand people are not machines and can get sick. And yet, despite this “dedication” (my DH says it’s probably because of it), Britain’s productivity is very low compared to other developed countries.

I’ve been sick a bit these last few weeks. Each time I get a cold/flu... I get it full on. I don’t know why — it has been like that ever since I was young. Once, doctors even suspected I had Tuberculosis. It’s THAT bad. My last three holidays were marred by this. And yet, on any other day, I probably look fine. A little bit of makeup probably helps...

[milliemolliemou]

Agree with @JaneEyre. It's not your business OP to question how ill your fellow TA is. However tempted you are when it seems to fall before and after weekends.

Give it a few weeks. See how she does and grit your teeth. Then you need to go to the teacher or the Head to ask for advice on how you plan things when the other TA can't help and you're faced with pick-up at the last moment.

[MissBeehiving]

I understand your frustration OP - in the real world of work this happens and it is unfair on the rest of the team who do get demotivated by someone swinging the lead. A robust short term absence policy can work wonderfully.

[coddiwomple]

I tend to get my migraines every single Friday

If your colleagues are having to start their weekend later, or have children and missing every Friday event (school assemblies etc who always seem to be on Fridays) and are stuck at work instead, you can understand why they would get pissed off, especially if you keep your migraines a secret.

[TammySwansonTwo]

Coddiwomple - your company has completely stopped paid sick leave? What a wonderful way to make staff feel completely unvalued. You say some people still get full pay because they're genuine - who decides this? I hope they don't get it wrong because they're opening themselves up to a disability discrimination case.

[ElizabethDarcey]

The kids were horrendous due to the change in routine, again.

You sound a bit precious about your job. I've worked in numerous schools and never seen having a different teaching assistant for the day make any difference to the behaviour of the kids.

[InappropriateGavels]

In real life, people are not bright and bouncy one day, and then bed ridden the next, and repeat.

Coddiwomple, look up a neurological condition called Paroxysmal Hemicrania. Look up Cluster Headaches as well, they aren't great either.

I go from being bright and bouncy one MINUTE to being blind in one eye, paralysed down one side, unable to speak and experiencing the worst pain known to medicine the next minute. It is that sudden. There is no warning, there are no specific triggers, it just happens. I cannot control them, I cannot do anything about them I just have to deal with them as and when they happen.

So yes, yes people can go from being bright and bouncy to being bed ridden really quickly. It happens with M.E., it happens with MS and fibromyalgia too.

Some people I work with know what's wrong with me and I tell them after I've been working with them for a while and only if I trust them, otherwise I look completely healthy. However, because no-one can see that there's anything wrong with me, most people are completely ignorant and choose to believe that I'm faking it. That's even after I've shown them all of my documentation from multiple neurologists. Eventually, you get fed up of justifying yourself to people who want to question whether you're faking it or not, so you simply don't say anything.

Yes OP, it's annoying if someone is off sick a lot. My sister has terminal cancer, until recently you wouldn't have known it because she kept going the gym and going running. Now she can barely walk. Some people want to keep their lives as normal as possible even when they are ill, it's not up to anyone else to judge.

[KindleBueno]

YABU because of all the reasons listed. But if she is shirking then you need to be annoyed at management for not managing - not her.

[RoseWhiteTips]

Today 18:40 ElizabethDarcey

The kids were horrendous due to the change in routine, again.

You sound a bit precious about your job. I've worked in numerous schools and never seen having a different teaching assistant for the day make any difference to the behaviour of the kids.

Of course it makes a difference to the kids' behaviour!
TAs are usually involved with individual children, in a supportive role, and so of course the child will be affected if the person who supports her/him is not there.

[Coconutspongexo]

My migraines are my business no one else's though as are my other medical issues. I work in a fertility clinic btw not a school

[TammySwansonTwo]

People can't be well one day and sick the next? Do you know how many conditions have relapses and remissions, sometimes multiple times in a week? Off the top of my head, one of the forms of MS, lupus, fibromyalgia, various conditions involving headaches and fatigue, gallbladder issues, endometriosis, adenomyosis, conditions causing ovarian cysts, certain forms of depression, bipolar disorder, Crohn's disease, coeliac disease, allergies, thyroid issues affected by hormone levels that vary through the month (oestrogen dominance) or autoimmune thyroid issues, IIH...

Add in to that that many of these conditions are hard to diagnose, so someone can be suffering terribly for years before they have a diagnosis, proper treatment, or a good reason to give employers and nosy colleagues...

[BakedBeans47]

11 years in HR has made me hugely cynical but I’d assume she was either taking the piss or malingering.