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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off and frustrated with work colleague who is always off sick?

179 replies

ManicUnicorn · 04/10/2017 13:28

I work in a school nursery. There are three members staff, the teacher myself and another TA. Unfortunately the other TA has a tendency to take days off sick. A lot. Bare in mind we are only in week five of the new term, she's had four days off already. She was off sick last Friday, there was no explanation for it and we were just told she was ill. Then she was off for two days the week before that, and now again today!

Now I know people get ill. Especially in schools at this time of year, but this just seems a lot of days scattered about here and there.

It's causing real problems. Today we had activities planned, I knew exactly what I was doing, had my resources ready etc. Arrive to find colleague off sick. Well then everything went to pot. Another member of staff was drafted in from elsewhere, but didn't know the children or where anything was, what we had planned or the routine. Obviously not their fault, but it was stressful nightmare. The kids were horrendous due to the change in routine, again. Colleague also does lunch duty and that was all messed up as well.

AIBU to be annoyed with her? She seemed completley fine yesterday. We all have days where we don't feel too great, or we're tired or whatever but you just have to suck it up and carry on.

OP posts:
coddiwomple · 04/10/2017 14:04

I regularly have to have time off and I don't disclose my illness to others.

as long as you disclose to your boss or HR so a suitable regular cover can be organised, or urgent work be given to someone else, and don't leave your colleagues to pick up the mess, then that's fine.

Other people have their own problems, their own families and health issues, they shouldn't have to pay the price because someone can't work.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 04/10/2017 14:07

Looks like it's basically been covered, but I agree YABU. You have no idea what is going on in her life. She could have a mental illness, long term illness, have recently fallen ill with something she doesn't want to disclose. It's up to the business to find solutions.

Crunchymum · 04/10/2017 14:08

Actually I do think its the OP's business as not only is it impacting on her ability to do her job, the kids are picking up on it.

Yes the other TA could be seriously ill etc... but chances are she isn't!

Have you spoken to the your teacher OP? Maybe you could mention your concerns.

FWIW when DC1 was in preschool one of the TA's (who was bloody amazing and I still adore her to this day!) was off ill loads. She does have a long term health condition but its not widely known about I bumped into her at hospital once and she voluntarily gave me the info but it isn't common knowledge

It must have been hard for her colleagues but the TA in question was so strong and adored by her kids I don't think it caused a massive problem and the nature of her illness meant she had a bit of notice when she was going to be off, which helped.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 04/10/2017 14:09

@Funnyfarmer that's terribly sad

Nifflerbowtruckle · 04/10/2017 14:10

It is a pain in the butt having people off but just because she looks young, fit and healthy doesn't mean she is. The outer shell is pretty good at masking what's going on inside. My husband looks fine on the outside to the point that remarks have been made that he is lazy. He's not he's dying and he's in a lot of pain.

rightnowimpissed · 04/10/2017 14:11

but it is the OP's business, because she is the one having to deal with the mess left behind

o its not any of her business, if she can't do her job properly and problem solve then.....

Plus if she is genuine youll look really silly complaining to everyone.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/10/2017 14:11

but it is the OP's business, because she is the one having to deal with the mess left behind. It's not fair, and it's not fair on the children. No one is impressed by an employee who is off after less than a month!

No, it’s the ops business how it’s being managed from a her taking up the slack perspective but it’s a fact of life people get ill and that is nothing to do with her.

Coconutspongexo · 04/10/2017 14:12

Obviously my work knows but other colleagues don't have to and they shouldn't have to and HR/bosses etc can disclose to anyone else illnesses etc.

MegRichardson · 04/10/2017 14:13

To be fair, most people are ok, they go to work when they should and they stay off if they're genuinely ill - no problem.

However, some people take the piss with their attendance records too.

rightnowimpissed · 04/10/2017 14:13

Nifflerbowtruckle So sorry to you that people can't mind their own business.

tinytemper66 · 04/10/2017 14:14

Also if they have been sick physically then they should abide by the 24 or 48? hour rule and stay away in case she passes it on. I have a colleague in school who has been off due to sickness since Monday. I dont want her back in until she isnt contagious. I don`t want to fall ill.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 04/10/2017 14:15

YABVU and you sound really unpleasant making comments about her being young and going to the gym. I think you enjoy judging her far too much as you’ve made it personal and not about work. Hmm

If you’re understaffed or struggling, raise it with your manager. It is their responsibility to ensure adequate cover. It is not her responsibility to explain to her judgy colleague why she’s ill. That’s between her and her employer.

HackAttack · 04/10/2017 14:16

There are instances of conditions and long term illness but come on we've all had the colleagues who we know take the piss. The ones whose work gets in a mess then conveniently have a few days off and someone else sorts it. Not everyone cares how they impact others

dameofdilemma · 04/10/2017 14:16

What are the employer's attendance at work policies?

We're required to inform managers of reason for sickness and to have a meeting with manager on return.
Two incidences of sickness over 13 weeks can result in a formal manager meeting and involvement of HR. It escalates from there, eg sometimes adjustments to the role or reduced hours might be required for a period.

Of course there's a need for sensitivity but people can't be left covering others' roles repeatedly or indefinitely. Schools, hospitals etc have limited budgets to routinely pay for agency staff to cover sickness.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 04/10/2017 14:17

there was no explanation for it and we were just told she was ill

How is it any of your business? You don't have to be told Hmm

Bumbumtaloo · 04/10/2017 14:19

I’m sure my old work colleagues felt the same as you OP but from my side it was very, very different. And because I didn’t want to be talked about or let them down I went to work when I absolutely shouldn’t have.

I went to work more than once hours after being discharged as an inpatient. At work I have fainted and been sick through pain, I was taking more and more medications to get through each shift. This went on until I realised I couldn’t do it anymore and eventually lost my job.

On the face of it - apart from fainting and being sick - you would never have thought anything was wrong with me because I didn’t tell everyone about my issues.

HadronCollider · 04/10/2017 14:20

YANBU at all.

Looking after children and running a classroom takes teamwork. If she is ill, then she ought to give the heads up with whoever's responsible, and be sensitive to the needs of her colleagues. It's not all about her needs only.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 04/10/2017 14:21

There is nothing worse than having to pick up the slack for a sick note colleague. Yes we are all adults. We all know who is swinging the lead social media is a dead giveaway and who is genuinely ill.

If it were a known illness with sporadic flare ups, HR/Team leader would know and have contingency plans in place. If it were doctor/hospital, again this would be prebooked/advised time of and covered on the rosta. Is she doing the old Friday/Monday pattern? Always a dead giveaway.

But we all work with the one who has a touch of flu, that 24 hour thing, caught that bug thats going round, always has the emergency.

Before everyone wades in with their own litany of medical issues, we are not talking specific cases.

TammySwansonTwo · 04/10/2017 14:21

So the only reason a person would legitimately need lots of time off sick is if they have cancer? Do you have any concept of how many chronic illnesses there are and how debilitating they can be? Youth and appearing healthy are no barrier to these conditions. Before my endometriosis was managed I was in an out of hospital like a yo-yo because I was in so much pain I was literally passing out. On the days in between I too was "young and healthy". After years of chronic pain and many surgeries and treatments I was diagnosed with ME and struggled so hard to keep working until it was no longer possible.

Your employers are absolutely right not to tell you why she's off because it's none of your business. I hope you never develop a condition like this and have people slagging you off behind your back. You have literally no idea what's going on with her.

JaneEyre70 · 04/10/2017 14:25

If the Management aren't concerned, then I'd say it's not an issue but I would address the ongoing disruption with them. Just politely say that as one of you is regularly off sick, then could a better strategy be put into place to avoid disruption to routine.

coddiwomple · 04/10/2017 14:27

I do love how understanding posters are on this forum, whilst in real life if someone starts to disappear with a few sick days, you get a torrent of complaints from the team very very quickly! If only, and very reasonably, people start to refuse to do the extra-work, or demand to be paid more for doing more than they should.

If someone has a very valid reason, I have witnessed colleagues being amazing and doing their utmost to help, but the one who is slacking is never judged so warmly.

AgathaF · 04/10/2017 14:30

If she's taking the piss then I'm sure that management will pick up on it in time. Or, she could have some illness that you are not aware of. Just because she goes to the gym doesn't mean that she's totally healthy. She may have to work out to maintain her health, eg to maintain muscle strength to protect her skeletal system.

Try not to judge what you know nothing about.

Waytroze · 04/10/2017 14:30

I very much doubt she's got a serious illness like cancer. She's young, fit and healthy, and has a very physical hobby that she's very involved in. Every spare moment is spent in the gym, which is why I'm suspicious I suppose.

I'm involved with a few communities. Some of the people have serious illnesses including cancer. They don't all look stereotypically sick. A lot of them use running to keep themselves as healthy as they can mentally and physically to fight their disease.

Time in the gym doesn't mean she isn't ill.

SusanTheGentle · 04/10/2017 14:32

If it were a known illness with sporadic flare ups, HR/Team leader would know and have contingency plans in place.

Honestly, that's not always true. It's my experience within a well managed, well funded team, I'm covering for someone tomorrow in fact, but it's not the case when there's no money, no time to plan and no one to cover. Such as in education.

Waytroze · 04/10/2017 14:32

X post with @AgathaF ! High five to my like-minded new buddy!

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