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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared about this ex-colleagues message to me?

312 replies

Fosterdog123 · 03/10/2017 20:53

Ex-colleague. Both left company earlier this year. Worked with him for about 4 years on various projects. Always professional but I knew he was fond of me. Maintained contact outside work but totally platonically (he's married with children and I've been with someone for 12 years). Saw each other in a group a couple of times and went out for lunch once. He drove. In the car when he was dropping me off, he kind of lunged at me and gave me a big hug. I felt very awkward and he'd totally overstepped the mark and he knew he had. Since then, he's text a lot. I responded benignly at first, saying I was busy. More recently, I didn't text back or pick up his calls. I then blocked his number but a voicemail has just come through from him. It says, "if you don't pick up my calls, you know I'm going to come round don't you and you know what that means don't you. You can run but you can't hide". What would you do?

OP posts:
ShoesHaveSouls · 03/10/2017 22:29

That is very threatening OP. My best guess is that he has been harbouring feelings for you for a long while, and is annoyed that you have clearly rebuffed him. So now he wants to scare you. It's creepy as fuck.

I think I'd contact the police too.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/10/2017 22:30

Report it via 101. The point is, actually, that he deserves to have the police turn up and give him a formal warning. What a creepy, entitled wanker.
When you report it, stress that he has threatened to come to your house, and that you will call 999 if he does. Getting actually nicked would do him even more good.

Monkeyinshoes · 03/10/2017 22:30

Call the police. Do not respond.

If you respond he'll have learnt two things 1) despite being blocked, he can still contact you by leaving voicemails and 2) threatening messages get a response. I agree with what BossyBitch said on page 2, to this kind of man, any response will be seen as good.

He know's you don't want contact. This isn't a case of someone not getting the hint. This is a case of someone seeing your hints and choosing to ignore them. People who do that aren't nice people, this isn't joking around gone wrong.

GreenTulips · 03/10/2017 22:31

I'd log it aswell.

Play thebmessage on to your phone and keep it
His wife may want to hear it

maxrayeseth123 · 03/10/2017 22:33

If he's frightening you Shock you should report it!

JamPasty · 03/10/2017 22:34

Police (on 101) absolutely. Don't risk replying to him unless the police specifically advise you to. His message is seriously creepy and threatening

YoureAnArseholeDenise · 03/10/2017 22:36

Bloody hell op report!!!

Hissy · 03/10/2017 22:37

I would call the police. Absolutely

If nothing else, it may help to put your mind at rest.

Original poster
Fosterdog123 · 03/10/2017 22:37

No, I've not said don't contact me. He kept texting and ringing, I gored and then eventually blocked him cos I didn't want to keep seeing contact from him and now this.

OP posts:
everyonesgotanopinion · 03/10/2017 22:39

100% report him to the police. He may we'll be a Billy bullshitter but you sound like you live alone and he probably knows that. Get him lifted and warned off, creepy git.

Hissy · 03/10/2017 22:40

My love, you have done nothing wrong, nothing to “deserve” this.

Call 101, see what they say

hierto · 03/10/2017 22:40

I would text or call and ask him to stop texting and calling you.
Won't the police think it's a bit bonkers to be phoning them otherwise. What would you tell them? You haven't told him not to contact you, or to stop, but are just ignoring.

Topseyt · 03/10/2017 22:40

I wouldn't contact him. Surely that is exactly what he wants.

That message was very threatening. Stalkerish, I would say.

Certainly get police advice before making your next move. If they say to send any particular message then maybe do so, but for me it would be against my gut instinct.

For now still keep the creepy message as evidence.

Original poster
Fosterdog123 · 03/10/2017 22:40

Ok, just spoken to 101. She was really nice and said that's just not on but she said to text him and tell him not to contact me any more and that I'd report to the police if he did. She said that she wouldn't log it because no action was being taken by them.

OP posts:
TopBitchoftheWitches · 03/10/2017 22:41

As I said earlier on this thread, I have recently been through this. This was endless emails (which I can't block only mute) to me, one was quite threatening. He had already beaten the crap out of me and walked away from it even though he admitted to hitting me.

Police came to see me and he had not done a thing wrong because I hadn't told him not to contact me.

Please do send that message and then call the police.

hierto · 03/10/2017 22:42

She was really nice and said that's just not on but she said to text him and tell him not to contact me any more

Well of course she did. There isn't much of a complaint to make if you haven't told him the contact is unwanted.

Fraying · 03/10/2017 22:42

I hope your text puts an end to it Flowers

lizzieoak · 03/10/2017 22:42

Similar situation - I contacted the police and they had a word and he never bothered me again. Occasionally I forget he works in a certain shop and I go in and he leers at me, but doesn't dare follow me anymore nor speak to me.

They're cowards these types and most of the time are put off by being reported.

JamPasty · 03/10/2017 22:42

Won't the police think it's a bit bonkers to be phoning them otherwise. - no they won't. This man is threatening the OP. That is enough for her to call the police. If someone hit me in the street, I wouldn't have to prove I'd told them not to before I had grounds to go to the police about it.

I have had to phone the police on 101 a couple of times. They are bloody lovely and it's nowhere near as daunting as it sounds. OP - get on and do it now, it will put your mind at rest

JamPasty · 03/10/2017 22:44

Cross posts - well done on calling them. Make sure you note down any further contact from this bastard, so you have s record if you need it

Seeingadistance · 03/10/2017 22:45

Did the Police give any advice on what to do if he does actually turn up? I had a situation at my work, and I went to the Police for advice, and was advised where the line lay between 101 - not urgent - and 999 - get here as soon as fucking possible. They also did come round to speak the man who was causing hassle, but by the time they arrived he'd gone. They then tried to get him at his home address a few times.

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 03/10/2017 22:45

Depends on how hes saying it he could be making a very crap joke and dosent mean it serious id txt n say "that voicemail frightened me and i dont find it funny please can you leave me be" if he replies badly or you have doubts still then absolutely call the police

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 03/10/2017 22:45

Report him the police he is harassing and now threatening you

He ignored that you were ignoring him he has decided to ignore that you blocked him calling/texting you of course he will probably make it out to be a joke but it isn't he has decided he has the right to stay in contact with you what you want is irrelevant

midnightmisssuki · 03/10/2017 22:45

I did think 101 wouldnt log it - i suppose because you haven't told him to stop contracting you (not that i condone what he's doing though). I would be very short with him and tell him to stop contacting you. I hope he stops!

midnightmisssuki · 03/10/2017 22:46

^^ contacting not bloody contracting!! sorry!