To be scared about this ex-colleagues message to me?

[Fosterdog123]

Ex-colleague. Both left company earlier this year. Worked with him for about 4 years on various projects. Always professional but I knew he was fond of me. Maintained contact outside work but totally platonically (he's married with children and I've been with someone for 12 years). Saw each other in a group a couple of times and went out for lunch once. He drove. In the car when he was dropping me off, he kind of lunged at me and gave me a big hug. I felt very awkward and he'd totally overstepped the mark and he knew he had. Since then, he's text a lot. I responded benignly at first, saying I was busy. More recently, I didn't text back or pick up his calls. I then blocked his number but a voicemail has just come through from him. It says, "if you don't pick up my calls, you know I'm going to come round don't you and you know what that means don't you. You can run but you can't hide". What would you do?

OP did you ever have an uneasy feeling about him prior to this particular text?

I agree with others, you say being busy is a - leave me alone hint. He may read busy as - tease me, tease me. Spell it out, no room for misunderstanding or an excuse to contact you.

Sorry, OP, I don't mean to make a scary situation more scary.

I don't know - would you phone the Police and ask what their advice is should he actually turn up? Make sure they are aware of your address and maybe drive past a few times to keep an eye on things...

Text him telling him to leave you alone, that you don't want contact with him.
Then phone 101 again, file a report as such and ask (demand) for a marker on your phone number and your address.

Seeing a distance, calm down a bit. There is still a chance that the message was a stupid, inappropriate 'joke'.

Either way the line has been drawn and op has a secure house so any breach and police WILL respond

Staying rational and sensible will give the best opportunity for this to be dealt with - IF there is any further activity

Well, he's absolutely not a current or ex partner. Yes, I was aware that he liked me but that's all. It was never spoken about, we were professional, the feelings weren't reciprocated, he knew I had a partner, I met his lovely wife through a work event and it was never an issue.

I'm glad you've told your oh.
Look after yourself.

@FastWindow
I've also called 101 in the past for different things (I live smack bang in the city centre - you wouldn't believe the things I've seen...) and have been told occasionally that a call won't be logged. It does happen.

It’s absolutely not ridiculous to worry about that op I don’t know if it is practical for you but my friend sent the text then I stayed over for 2 nights just so she wasn’t alone! Is there anyway you can send the text when you won’t be home alone? If he shows up even without sending the text it’s 999 all the way! We were advised that it is treated differently on the phone to in person.

Dave - did I ever have an uneasy feeling prior to this? I was staying at a friends recently and told her about it. I said that it wouldn't surprise me if he turned up on my doorstep and it was making me feel a bit anxious. And lo and behold......

OP, any chance you could send the text and then decamp to a friend/your partner's home if it makes you feel any better?

Well I believe our instincts are often spot on, so in that case you are right to be taking this seriously.

Maybe just wait and see now if there is any further contact from him, and if there is call the police immediately.

I hope he gets the message and leaves you alone.

Ok can I just say - see it from the other way. If you had a friend and she kept on saying she was busy etc etc ... you could easily send a text saying ... I'm on my way over now, not taking busy as an answer etc as in what he wrote. I think I would have taken it as a joke.

You seriously have not told him to back off - you have just ignored him and told him you are busy. I'm sorry but if a "friend" did that to me, I wouldn't take the hint until I got a Definate answer.

Mayby it's just me and I'm going against the grain but the guy could be completely innocent and sent an improper text meant in a good way ifkwim

Bloody terrifying!
Could you see if you can find his wife on FB and send her screenshots?

But, mumof6, this man and the OP are not friends. He is a former colleague who has behaved inappropriately towards her in the past - the unwanted hug - and has been contacting her despite her making excuses not to interact, and then ignoring him.

I do think it's a different dynamic though if it's a male/female friendship, especially ex-colleagues. It's just not the same thing as a concerned female friend popping round to check you're ok. He's a bright guy who has emotional intelligence. He bloody well knows that he burst through my boundaries that day when he lunged at me in the car. He knows dam well I've ceased contact with him. As well as being spooked, I'm also angry that he's disturbed my peace of mind.

It was voice mail - no screen shots no misunderstanding

I wouldn't contact his wife. Others might but it's not a course of action I'd want to take.

He's a fucking cock and he knows he's breaching your boundaries, and he's trying to stomp on them. I'm sorry the police weren't more helpful. I really hope all is ok with you now.

Can I suggest that you start putting some communications about/to him in writing in a medium with timestamps? So yes, texts/etc telling him to leave you alone, but also, a precis of what's happened in e.g. an email to your partner or best friend or something? 'Hi love, this is the exact wording of the voice mail he's left....' and then if you get anything else, send a similar email every time.

I hope he backs the fuck off now - you're quite right, he should have got the message from your ignoring him, but he's clearly being threatening and it doesn't seem like he's getting the message. Or he's just ignoring it so he can get his own way.

He's clearly scared you, he's been threatening already, he may not back off. Get timestamped evidence where you can in case he goes full stalker.

Thats very creepy and unnerving.

Hope he stays away from you

Me too! Am well unnerved and won't be able to sleep tonight. Will probably go and stay at friends next couple of nights. OH here at weekend.

I would have taken his message to be a threat of rape "you know what that means don't you" but perhaps that's my own history talking.
Am worried for you OP - please do exactly as you were advised by the police and be sure to call them again if you have any further contact from him.

He wasn't drunk. He sounds perfectly sober. He was also in the car driving.