To be scared about this ex-colleagues message to me?

[Fosterdog123]

Ex-colleague. Both left company earlier this year. Worked with him for about 4 years on various projects. Always professional but I knew he was fond of me. Maintained contact outside work but totally platonically (he's married with children and I've been with someone for 12 years). Saw each other in a group a couple of times and went out for lunch once. He drove. In the car when he was dropping me off, he kind of lunged at me and gave me a big hug. I felt very awkward and he'd totally overstepped the mark and he knew he had. Since then, he's text a lot. I responded benignly at first, saying I was busy. More recently, I didn't text back or pick up his calls. I then blocked his number but a voicemail has just come through from him. It says, "if you don't pick up my calls, you know I'm going to come round don't you and you know what that means don't you. You can run but you can't hide". What would you do?

I'm sorry this is happening and I hope the txt is enough to make it clear to him that he has went way over the top. I'm sorry that he ever put you in a position that you never should have ended up in.

Good advice about keeping copies of unwanted communications, just in case you should need them. Hopefully it won't but just in case.

Morning, OP. Glad you've managed to get some sleep and most importantly - sent the text.

Hopefully there will be no more menacing contact from him. But if there is, police straight away.

Literally cannot believe more posters trying to make excuses for his behaviour...I hope you can just ignore them.

Take care

Hopefully this will be the last you'll hear from him but if anything makes you feel frightened - even if you think you're being irrational - contact a friend and get to a place where you are safe

I hope that puts an end to it.

Do you think his motivation was that he thought you might tell his wife about the car hug and he was trying to make sure you weren't going to?

Totally inappropriate and way out of line regardless.

The tone of your text was perfect. I hope you don't hear anything from him, except ideally a brief apology - which you should not respond to.

It's alarming that the police don't think it's of any worth to register what he said to you. This man definitely sounds like a potential stalker.

It's also depressing to read some of the apologist views on here. No bloody wonder so many men (or "victims of false accusation" as the Daily Mail has decided to frame them) stroll away from court smirking.

Might be time to get another scary dog OP, and train it to go for the balls...

Your text is perfect. Crystal clear - well done.

What a grim thing to do (stalker guy that is). Hope that's the last time you hear from him OP.

I hope this is the end of it for you, poor you, it must've been terrifying.

Ummm. Is it because it's an absolutely normal way of ending a relationship in our culture which we all understand and accept as part of the social contract?"

Is it? I'm oldso didint know that.

Really? I actually don't believe that. Unless you're not NT surely someone repeatedly ignoring your contact with them is sending a very clear 'I don't want to be your friend' signal? Certainly in English (British?) culture.

Communication isn't just based on what you say. We all get that. And it's not new at all.

I'm old-ish and agree that ignoring someone you don't want contact with is a) a very clear signal and b) nothing new. Anyone who claims not to understand that is being disingenuous at best.

absolutely excellent text. very clear and not open to interpretation. any further contact from him is clearly harassment. the only reasonable response is 'sorry, i won't contact you again.' or even better: no more contact.

He sounds creepy, hopefully that will be the end of it

I'm so pleased you've sent that text - As it shows your boundaries in written format.

It's clear and concise.

I bet he plays the "what have I done wrong" card! If he does, don't respond.

Good on you OP. I hope that's the last of it.

Grace has nailed it, you need to be explicitly clear that you are not interested & his contacting you is not welcome. If he still continues, then & only then will contacting the police be the right thing to do.

Reply with something along the lines of...

You seem to have misunderstood my politeness as interest in you. Just to make it perfectly clear, I have no interest in you at all, I find your insistence on contacting me both creepy & very insulting given that we are both in committed relationships. Please refrain from contacting me in anyway again as it is not appropriate & your ignoring this request will be seen as harassment & I will contact the police.

LivingInLaLaLand the OP has already done that.

@LivinginLaLaLand
OP has already sent the appropriate text if you look back over thread.
It was short and made the point very effectively. No need for further texts, job done.

oops, just caught up. 👍🏼👍🏼

Well done OP, I hope that's the end of it x

I got a text back from him about an hour ago. One word. Sorry. I haven't and won't respond to it. I feel a bit calmer now, as hopefully he's had a sharp wake up call. Thanks again to everyone who responded with kind words, advice and support. The apologists barely register with me, other than to sadly demonstrate that this kind of lame view still perpetuates.

That's fab OP.

At least now you can put it all behind you. From what you've written, it sounds to me like that is the end of it and that he has got the message.

Good outcome and thank you for updating

i'm wondering if the "you know what that means" comment was perhaps in relation to something that he texted to you after you blocked him? He possibly thinks that you got the text and knew what he was talking about? So maybe not as threatening as it sounds stand alone? I'm not saying that to excuse him at all btw, regardless of anything he was totally out of order, I'm saying it as it may help you if you were able to think that it wasn't as threatening as it sounded.

Block him now, so that you are not tempted to make any further responses.

A couple of years ago some creepy git appeared to begin stalking my then 16 year old DD on Facebook. Wanting to follow her on her morning paper round etc. Saying he had seen her doing it. She made the mistake of giving it a response, and he then didn't want to stop until I took over. I put a message of my own on her FB messenger stating that I was her mother and we would go the the police if there was any further attempt at communication. I then blocked him and advised DD that the best response to things like that was to block immediately with no response at all.

He never followed her, and there have been no further problems. It did scare my DD at the time though, obviously. Lets hope your creep also backs off.