To not want my Daughters boyfriend here every weekend?

[SoCockneyItHurts]

Just that really....he lives about 100 odd miles away from us and he comes to us on a Friday night til Sunday night. DD is 19 and they've been together over 2 years. She will sometimes go to his but they're here more. I'm fed up with it every weekend but feel horrible saying it to her as she takes immediate offence! I'm feeling particularly fed up at the moment anyway which isn't helping. The noise this morning got to me (they were play fighting with DS who is 7) and I lost my temper and told her to "grow up". They've now gone out and I heard her say to her Dad "we're going out as don't want to be in this negative miserable house"!! Or is it me??

the bf will know if there is self harm

Not necessarily and to be honest I think even her relationship with him now needs scrutinised. He could be just as manipulative as her and say yes.

OP - is the bf trying to help DD over some MH issues? She sounds very unhappy. Is she at college or working? I think you, DH and DD need to talk about how you all feel and how things can be dealt with.
Is your sensitive 7 year old ok? The shouting and rows must upset him too.
Can the doctor recommend some family counselling? I truly sympathise with your situation, it's horrible not to feel relaxed in your own home. 💐

OP - is the bf trying to help DD over some MH issues?

I understand what you are saying but the reality is that there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that the OP's daughter has mental health issues.

Do they pay their own way? Do they sort their own meals out etc? I wouldn't be happy having a grown man live in my house every weekend and not contribute.

Also, waaaaay back in the thread you said "They can go to his house and used to quite regularly. But I think they prefer it here" - do you suppose his mum got to this point a while ago and put her foot down?

I suggested this way back in the thread and I believe it to be true.

They should be out and about not hanging around the house for a start.
I would be annoyed too. Once a month, but not more.

The OP's daughter is 19. A bit too old to be considered a teenager in the usual sense.

If you start to say bf can't come every w/e there be another drama. She will pour more manipulation into this already tormented situation
For today I would try & establish if there is real self harm, say she needs to see GP, Say there need to be some changes. Things are not working for you at the moment, There is also your DS in the mix
What does she & bf do throughout the week?

Her revelations, if they are true, change the issues, it's not really a bf problem.
A proper meeting with DD, DF and DD , and BF if she wants him.
Why didn't DF speak up over water?
Everyone needs to discuss this to get to bottom of DDs problems, there's time for you to talk to her alone but at the moment if you are getting blamed for everything it might just end up a row.

I think she may have left. They came back and left with some bags and the new kitten!! If she's gone my 7 year old will be distraught!!!! He adores his sister and the new kitten!!

OP, its now all coming back to you having the problem and DD being a misunderstood teenager. Hopefully you can now see how effective emotional blackmail is.

Get the reality of the self harming and mental health problems sorted out as I suggested earlier but in the meantime set standards behaviour you expect and stick to it.

Take care.

Op, we cross posted. I would leave it for now no matter how scared you are. Just explain to your son she's gone away for a while because the reality is she's going to leave one day. She cannot live her life for your son. And if it helps I have a son, a young man, who has profound special needs and all of my children, and there's a lot of them all loved him very much but it was my job as a parent to say to them - off you go and dont feel guilty.

She needs to be allowed to do the same even if she's gone off to bother you.

Hope you are ok OP
It's not you - I wouldn't want someone in my house every weekend.
She needs to be sat down and told some rules.
And if she has gone she will be back it sounds emotional black mail
Is it her kitten to take?

I don't doubt it, she is probably lying about the self harming & now needs to run away, or have to face the music, they will be going to his house
So OK, thats actually good.
I would not be chasing her. Leave her to it. Does she have a job/money?
She is 19. She can do what she wants.
Id she comes back then its time to decide on a future plan.
Be careful however if you are out in the day that she doesn't come back & help herself to things/money...

Is this her kitten? It's irresponsible of her just to take a pet like that. The kitten will be very unsettled. I know your 7 yo will be too but he has you and his dad there. She shouldn't have taken it.

Op, please go to the Dr because you anxiety and upset is palpable. You need to be in good health to tackle the future and to be honest I think your health concerns have been a long time coming to a head.

💐💐💐

Including the boyfriend there are 5 of you, but at dinner there were 6?
Anyway, leave her for today. She'll be at her boyfriends home. Get your husband to calm your son, and go try to relax.

Op has an older son that comes home for Sunday lunch.

Just had a big cry. She is staying out tonight but is dropping the kitten back. I've just been talking to my mum and my daughter has been on the phone to he nan telling her how she feels etc. My daughter has started Uni locally but hates it apparently and she feels I don't giver enough attention. My mum explained to her how stressed I've been with worrying about 7 year old and his health issue. Just feel drained and also managed to have a row with husband :( Eldest son has now left. I need to get ready for school/work tomorrow. Life is bloody hard sometimes

He is practically living with you op. You and your dh need a break.