To not want my Daughters boyfriend here every weekend?

[SoCockneyItHurts]

Just that really....he lives about 100 odd miles away from us and he comes to us on a Friday night til Sunday night. DD is 19 and they've been together over 2 years. She will sometimes go to his but they're here more. I'm fed up with it every weekend but feel horrible saying it to her as she takes immediate offence! I'm feeling particularly fed up at the moment anyway which isn't helping. The noise this morning got to me (they were play fighting with DS who is 7) and I lost my temper and told her to "grow up". They've now gone out and I heard her say to her Dad "we're going out as don't want to be in this negative miserable house"!! Or is it me??

it's obv not really about them it's about the wider issues. If I were you I'd go to the gp xxx

Do you think you might be a bit hormonal, cockney? Not that it changes my advice to you.

I can totally sympathise - have a grown up SC who stays regularly in our small flat with their BF - and I don't think you have to feel like he's part of the family. I would also say that you don't need to feel like there's something wrong with you for being irritated that you never get to spend your weekends in your own way, having your own time. Also if you feel like your intimacy with DH is suffering that's another reason you might feel down and frustrated - I would, and the radio and nervous, silent fumbling wouldn't do it for me. They're in a grown up relationship, so he's a grown up, not an extra child for you to look after. I would simply say that your daughter should try to go to his half the time, and when they're at yours, they can take the younger sibling for a couple of hours. The extra obligation will either deter them from being at yours every weekend, or will get them out of the house.

No it NOT just you. No matter how nice the boyfriend is, having him EVERY WEEKEND would do my head in. Especially if I had been working all week and was wanting to relax. No matter how nice someone is, it's intrusive, and you lose your privacy when people are staying.

Your daughter is taking the piss and taking advantage of your good nature.

Have a long chat with her (when she isn't mardy!) and tell her you want her to share the weekends with her boyfriend.

Why aren't they staying at HIS more often? Probably coz his parents won't tolerate it. Tell her she and he need to look into getting a flat together. They are treating your home like a (FREE) hotel!

I see way too many young (17-25 years old) people taking the piss out of their parents like this, and they allow it to happen. Put your foot down!

I would hate that too why on earth you should see a Dr about it is beyond me it's your house i would be the same suggest every other weekend

And don't even get me STARTED on the 'are you hormonal' comments!

Patronising much!

The daughter and boyfriend playing with the 7 year old was not the problem FFS - it was the NOISE first thing on a Sunday morning.

Some people really do talk crap.

Oh go on ahead and get started, I am obviously about the same age as OP and have had the same experience. That's why i said what I said.

I can't believe the number of people criticising OP or going along with the idea that she needs to see the GP.

It's your house. She's 19 and old enough to be made to realise that every weekend is too much . Agree between you what is acceptable like once a month and stick to it. Does he pay anything towards food etc? I think you're being expected to put up with too much and completely understand why you would be fed up with it.

It would do my head in but if the chap is nice and makes her happy I wouldn’t necessarily discourage.

Have a chat with her and say he’s welcome to come but bear in mind he does create extra
Space and noise so it would be nice if they could just be a bit more thoughtful especially early mornings/late evenings

My 24 year old sons girlfriend stays with us most nights, would hardly know she is here! They're buying a house and will be moving out after Christmas and I will miss them both, so be careful what you wish for! And of course I can lie on the sofa and relax, she's used to seeing me with my nighty on and bed hair! She's part of the family to now.

Are they in a position that they could move in together?

My Mum has a similar issue with my adult brother (he's 33). He is living at home to save up for a mortgage deposit but he's not the easiest person to live with (messy, quite snappy at times, etc) and every weekend his (genuinely lovely) long-term girlfriend comes over and stays Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. She's said to me on several occasions that whilst she loves them both, she's quite an introverted person naturally, and she just wants to have a bit of space again and have the house to herself sometimes. I can understand. I hate having people over if I'm honest as I can never properly relax.

Your GP will love you. "I'm here because I don't like my daughter's boyfriend staying and it makes me feel fed up".
God help the NHS.

I'd suggest she sees the gp not because she finds noise irritating but because the thought of a nice day with her family brings her no joy.

for giving up the booze.

I get what you mean about nit wanting him to visit every weekend. I really like my kids partners but having them around all the time can be mildly irritating. I genuinely like them but sometimes I rather it was just my actual family.

I take it as a compliment that everyone likes to hang out at our house though.
I've always been comfortable asking regular guests to help out. I'll try and plan a huge shopping delivery when all the kids are here so they can put everything away and if I cook I get them to do all the cleaning up etc etc. I
Anyway, hope you feel better. Perhaps you could go out for a walk and have a coffee somewhere with your DH or your son.

I'd love mine to stay over with her bf.they are always at his as he has his own place...I miss her when she's not here.plus he's lovely and we all love him to bits

I’m really shocked people are saying the op is wrong and suggesting the gp!

I’m very introverted and my home is my private space. I have two children, one is a teen, and they are welcome to have friends round but every single weekend, all weekend is something I would find really uncomfortable and I wouldn’t be able to relax in my own home.

I think if a relationship has reached that stage (the dd and her boyfriend) they need to be moving out into their own place.

Nope not just you. Having someone in the house every single weekend isn't much fun. I would talk to your daughter. But you have said you stopped drinking, have been feeling off and want go back to bed. You might want to speak to the GP. But not because your daughter and her boyfriend are taking the piss but because you say your not feeling great. Good luck.

IMO Every w/e is too much, if you are tired you are entitled to relax. I would tell DD she cannot have bf at your house every w/e. either they go to his, or find another solution, but you want some free w/e's to see your husband & have some down time.
Next time they are winding you up, tell them to go outside & play fight FFS its Sunday morning. or take DS out...

I try & go out when it gets too hyper. I see you are in bed, but maybe go for a walk, or cycle ride? enjoy the peace & exercise, & return happer?

It's not you OP. He's a teenager, 'part of the family' - come on, they've only been together two years are young!

@bourdic

I can't believe the number of people criticising OP or going along with the idea that she needs to see the GP.

I know. The 'advice' on Mumsnet is a fucking pisstake sometimes!

@OrchardGreen

Your GP will love you. "I'm here because I don't like my daughter's boyfriend staying and it makes me feel fed up".
God help the NHS.

The people saying this would probably go to A & E for a broken fingernail.

How about saying to her - you know I love [boyfriend] like a son, but dad and I also need a bit of time and space at weekends. Could you alternate weekends with staying at his house? Or do you think you could sometimes get up and take [7yr old] out to the park on a Sunday, so that dad and I get to have a lie in. Am sure she'll understand the obscure reference - she may run out of the room shrieking "uurgh", but at 19 she's old enough to understand that all couples need time alone, not just for sex, but to reconnect after a busy week.

This would be tough in my tiny house. I don't know how big your house is and I don't see that anybody else has mentioned it but it is a factor.

Do they do any chores? Or do you feel under more pressure to keep the house tidy and full of food?

I would feel extra work if this were every weekend and they weren't also HELPING

Can you suggest they spend alternate weekends at each other's home.