To not want my Daughters boyfriend here every weekend?

[SoCockneyItHurts]

Just that really....he lives about 100 odd miles away from us and he comes to us on a Friday night til Sunday night. DD is 19 and they've been together over 2 years. She will sometimes go to his but they're here more. I'm fed up with it every weekend but feel horrible saying it to her as she takes immediate offence! I'm feeling particularly fed up at the moment anyway which isn't helping. The noise this morning got to me (they were play fighting with DS who is 7) and I lost my temper and told her to "grow up". They've now gone out and I heard her say to her Dad "we're going out as don't want to be in this negative miserable house"!! Or is it me??

Actually I think the op isn't BU. Every weekend? That would do my head in. Why isn't it ok for op not to want to have a visitor every weekend? So what if after 2 years most pp think the daughter's boyfriend should be regarded as family? I don't want my family members visiting all weekend, every single weekend. Daughter needs to go to his 50% of the time.

OP, there are two seperate things going on here.

You say you've given up drinking recently and you now feel awful and Im wondering if what you were covering up with a drink is what's now on the surface because it was never addressed? Then there are the symptoms and the life style change that comes with stopping drinking. Its a lot to be going through. Im also going to advise that you go to the Dr but not because of whats going on with your daughter. I think you should simply go for yourself because you deserve to be in good physical and emotional health in order to go on in life in a good way.

About your daughter - I think you and your husband deserve peace in your own home to get frisky when you feel like it and for you not to have to bother about another person being around. For that reason I would say to my daughter - you BF can stay over two weekends a month and after that you have to make other arrangements. Why dont they spend more time at his family home? Well, I expect his family are streets ahead of you on this and have already said not every weekend.

look after yourself OP.

Hi OP, don't be so hard on yourself.
If you think you are possibly depressed, do see your GP. I'll tell you straight up, nice boyfriend or not, I wouldn't want my house invading every weekend. All you need is to be honest and open, and strike a balance. If you bottle it up inside, you're going to explode, just take your daughter on one side, and tell her how you feel. 🌺

of course if you don't thi nk your depressed...we all get pissed off over things others don't we all get perhaps the top miffed when its in our space that ok too...so try to organise some you time at home.or out of it.work with your daughter on it.instead of boiling over thin what can be done now.

This would do my head in and I would be saying to her can you not go to his this weekend. It doesn't matter if you like him he is a nice guy blad de blah you need to be comfortable in your own house .

When 1 of mine had a long term boyfriend i said every second or 3rd weekeng he could stay.

Well done on giving up drinking 🌷 It must be really hard.

How did you feel about him being there all the time when you were drinking?

I definitely think a GP visit to get everything checked out would be a good thing, but be honest with them about giving up alcohol.

Agree with the alternate weekends suggestions.

Hope you get it sorted op

Maybe find a cheap travelodge or premier inn locally and put them up there for the odd weekend. It would drive me mad too if my only weekend with my husband was invaded by someone else. Add an extension and stick them there?

add an extension

that has to be up there as one of the daftest things said on MN, I'm sure the op has thousands to throw at this....

Hmm obviously it's your house and you can make whatever rules you like re guests. But you reap what you sew. If you don't want to be on here in x years time complaining about how your kids don't visit you and you hardly get to see dgc I would do your best to make your dd and her long term bf feel welcome now.

There is making them welcome and then there is them taking advantage. I hardly think the op wanting the house guest/boyfriend free for a weekend is going to alienate future visits from grandchildren what a totally ridiculous thing to say.

Add an extension? Seriously? Oh yeh it's that easy.

It does sound like a visit to the GP might be in order tbh. Especially with what you've shared about the history of depression and giving up drinking. (Drinking was self-medicating, I've definitely been there!)

But also, every weekend does sound a bit much to me as well. There needs to be some give and take; it would be a great idea if they could babysit sometimes.

Hope you find a way through this, depression is the pits, OP.

I agree with alternate weekends. Every weekend is too much.

But you do sound quite depressed. Very weary about everything. I'm not sure why people don't think it's a good idea to have a chat with your doctor. I would.

I don't think it is a ridiculous thing to say. They have left the house already due to the environment being hostile. Do you think they would be in a hurry to visit if they had their own place?

So pareñts have to put up with every inconvenience and annoyance so her children visit them and bring grand children? Is that what you are saying corbyns?

Plus the dd and bf were messing about that much a 7yrold was upset I probably would have told her to grow up to.

No. But children should be welcome in their own home at any time imo. And that should extend to long term partners if you want a good relationship with them.

Absolutely tell her to grow up if she upset her brother but that's a bit different from you can only stay here 1 out of 2 weekends.

Children should also be considerate of others in their own home

Hmm obviously it's your house and you can make whatever rules you like re guests. But you reap what you sow. If you don't want to be on here in x years time complaining about how your kids don't visit you and you hardly get to see dgc I would do your best to make your dd and her long term bf feel welcome now.

Still doesn't have to be every weekend.
Do they contribute? You're obviously feeding him etc. Do they cook? Clear up? Generally help? Or just lounge about the place?

And it does sound like a health issue too - but one doesn't negate the other.

She could go to his the other weekends it is the op house too she would like a bit of peace in her own house at the weekend why is the daughters and boyfriends needs more important than the rest of the family?

Because people generally put their kids first? And I extend that to adult children. Not sure how much peace there would be with a 7 year old that would need taking out or otherwise entertaining.
And they could stay at the bfs sometimes but for whatever reason don't want to and it's not a nice feeling to be told you have to vacate your home on set dates.

I totally get you op. Doesn't matter how lovely the boy is, it's still a non family member living in your home every weekend. My dd understands that while her boyfriend (who is also lovely) is welcome to visit now and then, I don't want him sleeping over. Nothing to do with them having a sex life, but my home is my little safety bolt where I can fart, scratch, lay in pyjamas all weekend if I choose to. I wouldn't want to do that with him around.