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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think she has no self respect. Or respect for others for that matter

268 replies

Bippitybopityboo · 01/10/2017 03:04

DM runs a pub. DH occasionally helps out and does DJing at party's now and again.
He came in tonight and was laughing about a girl who was recently the barmaid at a hotel where we attended a wedding. DH told me about the conversation they had...

Girl: can you play some new chart stuff please?
DH: sure
Girl: I recognise you? You were at a wedding at hotel 2 weeks ago with your wife wasn't you.
DH: ohh yes was you there?
Girl: yes I work there. Your wife is really pretty.
Dh: haha thanks

Girl goes to dance, come back to ask for lots of songs repeatedly through the night.

Towards the end of the night
Girl: do you want to come back and finish the night with me and my friend?

DH declined.

How FUCKING RUDE!!

DH and DM are laughing saying she's just a silly little girl but I'm fuming!
She knows he's married as she complimented me in the night. Why would you offer a married man yourself on a plate. AIBU to think she has no self respect or respect for others especially fellow women.
I hope one day when she's settled down some little tramp throws themselves at her bloody husband! Angry

OP posts:
ILoveMillhousesDad · 01/10/2017 11:51

Oh god. You're one of 'them' aren't you.

Sit on the side table with a voddy and coke looking territorial whist your irresistible (in your opinion) dh, spins some choons.

deadringer · 01/10/2017 11:56

If you were a dj op and a young man came up to you and made the same offer would you think he was a tramp with no self respect or would you just shrug it off?

Sallystyle · 01/10/2017 11:58

She was wrong to ask your husband what she did, knowing he was married. Not great behaviour but no need for the name calling. Slag is such a disgusting word I'm shocked that other women would ever use it.

I don't even know why your husband told you OP. DH told me when an elderly lady asked him out at a coffee shop. But that was a funny sweet story. She said she wanted a Toy Boy Grin

The frothing and name calling is disgusting. Good to know who the misogynists are though.

pp2017 · 01/10/2017 12:02

This thread 😂😂

Several years ago a drunken woman hit on my husband, he pointed to me stood beside him and she then asked me if she could "borrow" him for the night.....

I didn't get offended or upset.
I didn't show her up publicly or "name call" her.

OH and I laughed about it, exactly like the OPs OH and DM have.....

Even more hilarious was several months later when OH went to do a job at a house (he is a tradesman) and guess who it turned out to be? He said she was mortified 😂

We still laugh and joke about it today.

Like it or not stuff like this happens, it's called real life, some posters on here really need to get grip and get their heads out of "soap land" 😳🙈😆

DameGlitterSparkles · 01/10/2017 12:05

I don't know anyone who would be outraged at calling someone who propositioned a married man a slag. Likewise calling a man who knowingly propositioned a married woman a sleazy cunt.

BananaShit · 01/10/2017 12:09

Its the fact that she acknowledged he was married and yet still behaved in that way.

Yes, exactly. It's perfectly acceptable to investigate whether a stranger would like to have sex with you when you're out on the tiles. It's not acceptable to do so when you know full well they have a partner, unless perhaps you know they're not monogamous. The fact that other people have experienced being offered sex with a stranger, particularly when it's strangers who aren't aware of their marital status, is irrelevant.

I wouldn't say it means she has no respect for herself, though. It does mean she has no respect for you, which I presume is why you're angry. And you're right to be.

Had DH gone ahead and slept with her, he would have been responsible for his infidelity. Him alone. She would however have been responsible for propositioning someone she knew to be in a relationship in the first place. They would both be responsible for their own behaviour. We don't need words like slag etc to describe this: unacceptable is sufficient.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 01/10/2017 12:11

Oh god this thread has made for depressing reading. I get that people don't like the woman's behaviour and I wouldn't exactly appreciate it either but slag, slut, tart etc etc ... really?! It's fucking atrocious.
Also I'm wondering why it's eliciting such strong feelings on the matter. She tried it on, he turned her down, job done no?
I've been hit on by people who know damn well I have a DP, I think they're a twat, I say no, we all move on, no need for vitriol imo. Also, no, not a stealth boast and I don't think the OP was one either.

Nanny0gg · 01/10/2017 12:12

The double standards on this thread are epic.

(and I will never understand the 'stealth boasts' accusations. We don't know the OP from a hole in the wall, so whether she is pretty or not, has an IQ of a zillion or not or is as rich as Croesus or not doesn't matter so we might as well accept that it's just a bit of scene-setting)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/10/2017 12:12

Well I'm disgusted, Dame and posters who do think it's alright to do that, well it speaks to their character more than mine. Urgh.

A person actually caught up in this then fine - but randoms on a chatboard, no. It's just an excuse for spite and lashing out... and it isn't equal no matter what anybody says. Men - the asker or the perpetrator are 'let off' and treated as A.Prize.That.Has.Been.Won! Hmm

PortiaCastis · 01/10/2017 12:12

Regarding the can I borrow your husband post. Well yes same sort of thing happened to exh as a girl propositioned him when we were standing together at a bar, he looked astounded and looked at me and because Id had a few glasses of wine I came out with you're welcome to him lovey but he does fart in bed.
Hmm she didn't hang around much longer

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/10/2017 12:13

Portia now that was funny and showed class. Grin

Aridane · 01/10/2017 12:15

People like her need calling out on their behaviour. I'd go looking for her and tell her what I think in front of everyone. I just wouldn't let her get away with it.

Yeh - right

Rachie1973 · 01/10/2017 12:26

Was he hit on? I don't think there is anywhere near enough info to assume he was.

As for 'how would I react if someone hit on my husband?'. Well I'd smile and forgot it. I have no fear.

Sallystyle · 01/10/2017 12:28

People like her need calling out on their behaviour. I'd go looking for her and tell her what I think in front of everyone. I just wouldn't let her get away with it.

You would look very very insecure and rather odd Grin

It's a bit like pissing on your territory isn't it? He's mine, and I'm going to make sure you know it! How dare you come onto my man!

She came onto him. He turned her down. It's over and done with. You would look like a complete knob if you went to find her and if I witnessed it I would wonder what trust issues you have in your marriage to make you get that riled up.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 01/10/2017 12:34

Your husband is hardly David fucking Guetta, no one was asking him back for a threesome.

Relax.

DeleteOrDecay · 01/10/2017 12:36

Don’t see the big deal, she asked him to hang out with her and her friend, he said no. Job done.

Really no need for the vile name calling. It’s not like she kept pestering him about it through the night.

PortiaCastis · 01/10/2017 12:44

Id go looking for her and tell her what I think in front of everyone

Good luck with that, a smack in the mouth often offends

NotACleverName · 01/10/2017 12:46

Slapper/slag/slut/tramp

Jesus fucking christ, some of you need to check your misogyny.

Sohurt17 · 01/10/2017 12:47

I don't even know why your husband told you OP

Presumably because on this occasion her DM was with him. It would be odder if he hadn't mentioned it.

HolgerDanske · 01/10/2017 12:52

Haven't read the whole thread yet but YYY to everything MrsKoala said.

Schmoopy · 01/10/2017 12:53

Why wouldn't he tell her?

I'd expect it to be something we could have a bit of a laugh about; especially if it's not something that happens all the time.

PortiaCastis · 01/10/2017 12:56

Funny how women are tramps and men are not
The old double standard still roolz it seems

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/10/2017 13:01

By the same token, why would it even register as something he needs to mention? I wouldn't think to mention it and I don't. I work away from home for most of the week most weeks and stuff like this is just such non-important piffle.

Looking at this thread he'd be (if it happened) an absolute fool to mention it. I mean, look at the vile outpourings. Better to say nothing if he even gave it a second thought. I don't know why the DM has anything to do with it either, it being such a non-event. If he'd say 'Ok then' and trundled off then that would be a different matter. But he didn't.

User843022 · 01/10/2017 13:03

'Funny how women are tramps and men are not'

For future reference, anyone criticising a female for asking a man about their wife then inviting them back to theirs must not be be called slag/slut/tramp. Can we all stick to the more generic cunt, twat and pathetic arsehole please to stop the constant wails of 'misogynist!'

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/10/2017 13:07

How pompous you sound, Myrtle, just because you don't like being picked up on actually being, you know, a misogynist.