To think she has no self respect. Or respect for others for that matter

[Bippitybopityboo]

DM runs a pub. DH occasionally helps out and does DJing at party's now and again.
He came in tonight and was laughing about a girl who was recently the barmaid at a hotel where we attended a wedding. DH told me about the conversation they had...

Girl: can you play some new chart stuff please?
DH: sure
Girl: I recognise you? You were at a wedding at hotel 2 weeks ago with your wife wasn't you.
DH: ohh yes was you there?
Girl: yes I work there. Your wife is really pretty.
Dh: haha thanks

Girl goes to dance, come back to ask for lots of songs repeatedly through the night.

Towards the end of the night
Girl: do you want to come back and finish the night with me and my friend?

DH declined.

How FUCKING RUDE!!

DH and DM are laughing saying she's just a silly little girl but I'm fuming!
She knows he's married as she complimented me in the night. Why would you offer a married man yourself on a plate. AIBU to think she has no self respect or respect for others especially fellow women.
I hope one day when she's settled down some little tramp throws themselves at her bloody husband!

Poo, yes. It's the frothing posters I'm referring to. OP, apart from starting a thread for the purpose of inflaming, hasn't named-called.

Completely agree with MargaretCavendish, the insecurity on this thread is palpable and it's ugly to read.

So what, she fancied a bloke. Good for her. He turned her down. Good for him.

No harm done.

Women who ask for sex from a man they like are not 'tramps', 'slappers' or 'have no self respect'. She knew what she wanted and she asked, then she went away.

It's not the 40s and we don't have to act all coy, like we don't like sex, until a man cajoles us into it.

Alright, targeting married men is a bit grim but it's not exactly uncommon these days.

Morris I'd call him a manipulative arsehole I imagine, please read what I've written - I've said that it's exactly the same wether it's a man or a woman. I'm not sure what's so misogynistic about what I wrote - she was unpleasant and so I think that deserves a reaction. I agree that there aren't the same words to describe men who do this, but that's society! Not me. And that doesn't mean I agree with it.

The manipulation is where she asked about his DP and then invited him home with her and her friend.

Yes, she was throwing herself at a married man, she knew he was married and yet she was making herself available to him. This would be exactly the same if the roles were reversed and he was throwing himself at her. It's the same.

My self esteem is just fine - women can offer my DH sex all they want, it doesn't make me feel bad one jot, he says no and that's the end of it. I do judge the women though, like in this situation. When you know someone has a partner you don't behave like that, it's disrespectful. I don't think it's misogynistic to judge her for her actions.

I don't seem to remember calling anyone a slag or slut, tramp maybe but not slag or slut
I also don't have an issue with her wanting to sleep with a stranger. Genuinely none of my business.
Its the fact that she acknowledged he was married and yet still behaved in that way.
It's rude and cheeky and I can't understand why some think that it's okay?
I also would think it rude if it was a man coming onto myself knowing I am married but that wasn't the situation so I don't see why it needs to be brought up.
People are missing the point of the issue being that she knowingly came onto a married man. Sorry that's not ok.
There wasn't an issue because he declined.
You also said she offered herself 'on a plate', like she was some kind of object to be offered up for a mans fulfillment.
Women are their own worst enemy's sometimes.

Poverty the OP's DH didn't feel it was acceptable to cheat on his wife! The woman was unreasonable, why shouldn't she be called out for her behaviour? If she didn't know he was married then that would be different, but it's unreasonable to expect someone to behave in this way and for no one to react.

Cobweb she knew he was married, that's the 'harm'. Otherwise I agree with you.

How can there be 'harm' exactly? So she knew he was partnered/married and still asked. He turned her down. Perhaps he's the faithful sort or perhaps he just didn't fancy her but it came to nothing.

I don't ever remember reporting back to my husband when I've been chatted up. Ever. I just say 'No thanks, I'm married' and that's the end of it. I don't feel the need to drum up a plethora of pitchforks for the bloke who asked. Why is it different when it's the other way around? Are women really ^that6 insecure now that they must be validated for something so blisteringly obvious?

Heaven forbid anyone insinuate a women is a dare I say it 'slag' on MN.
Funnily enough some women are, just as some men are sleazy bastards.
This is not a stealth boast but my DH is very good looking and women have actually blatantly flirted with him in front of me. A woman I know also offered him a threesome when I'd confirmed not a week earlier that we'd just made our relationship official. There are women like that out there but apparently calling them out on it is unacceptable 🙄

But that wasn't the situation, the people who chatted you up did so first and then backed off when they knew you were married. This woman knew about his DP and still pursued. The harm is that it was a pretty shitty thing to do to the DP, surely I don't need to point that out? She was disrespectful to his DP, this thread is full of comments about how women should have more respect and how this woman is being subjected to disrespect. But isn't this just what she was doing in the first place?

I’m glad MNHQ have confirmed using vile, misogynistic language is not against the guidelines. It should stand because it says a lot about the person who is saying it. I don’t buy the “oh she shouldn’t hit on someone’s husband” excuse. Two wrongs don’t make a right especially when she didn’t actually do half of what people are saying.

Exactly Dame.

When you get married you don't relinquish free will. Married people can still have sex with other people, it happens, sometimes their partner knows and doesn't care. My DH is at liberty to have legal consensual sex with anyone he chooses, he would need to face the consequences of breaking a promise to me, but the choice is still his. Getting married doesn't mean you never have to make that choice again. It means you make your decisions based on knowing the consequences. People can ask, and people can get told no. Free will exercised, marriage intact. No drama.

What is a 'slag' then Dame?

CoffeeBreak, some didn't know me and some do as they're in my circle for work. I do wear a wedding ring when I'm out so it's a fair assumption that I'm married and my point still stands. There are just different standards when it's a woman having her territory and property encroached on.

MrsKoala this isn't really about that though, the OP is upset because the woman offered despite knowing that she was with him. It's about respect, not about the free will to say no. It's upsetting to think that another woman knows you exist and yet feels that they can ignore that fact. Morals tell us that it's not ok.

If the DH hadn't have said no then this would all be quite different.

Ok, so I agree with the territory and property encroached on comment Lying . It's more that it's disrespectful to everyone involved to hit on someone who is married, I'd be upset that someone would disregard me and our relationship in that way. If course it's a fine line between hurt feelings and being territorial but I think most people would feel the same way really.

The posts I find most offensive are the ones championing her/high fiving her for propositioning him, because it's a woman's right. Go sister.

WTAF?

Propositioning a man you know is married, is a cuntish thing to do & you deserve whatever name people choose to call you. If you don't want to be called those names then don't proposition married men. It's pretty simple.

I can't see the morality in it tbh. The fact he is married and she knew it seems totally irrelevant to me. She asked him for sex (if she did) for her own reasons. He turned her down for his own reasons. I don't expect to be treated differently because i am married. I still get to make my own decisions for my own reasons. Marriage is a decision between 2 people, it shouldn't really affect anything else.

This thread is unbelievable. The woman did nothing wrong. Her and her friend are at a 60th birthday party. They want to carry on partying after what was probably a tame affair. They've been chatting to your DH and ask if he wants to finish the night with them. In all likelihood this is more drinks,a few lines/ a smoke whatever. A pretty big leap to think it means they both want to fuck your DH senseless. Says more about him that he would immediately jump to that conclusion tbh

Who exactly is 'high-fiving', Annie?

Nobody deserves the name-calling. It's understandable if you're the person caught up in the particular drama but inexplicable when you're not and you're just a random on a chatboard. The self-control door swings both ways.

Yeah we're on totally different pages MrsKoala, it's not about marriage it's about respect. See Annie's response, she sums it up nicely.

And to me, getting married definitely means you don't have the option of having sex with someone else. If you still want that choice then you don't get married,

And to me, getting married definitely means you don't have the option of having sex with someone else. If you still want that choice then you don't get married

Of course you get the 'option' - unless you are held prisoner. You can still physically have sex with someone. You just know that if you do the consequences are divorce and ending your marriage. It's still a choice you make. DH and I still make that choice because we choose to stay married. We still physically could change our minds at any point and we know the other would end the marriage.

MrsKoala I can't see the morality in it tbh. The fact that he is married and she knew it seems totally irrelevant to me.
Well obviously people have different moral standards. To me, your attitude indicates that only your own relationship and happiness matters. I have been in the situation of being asked out by a married man and I turned him down, because I didn't want my actions to contribute to the unhappiness of another human being. Of course that man could go on to ask someone else out but at least I know I had nothing to do with it.

Not really. But read into it what you will.

The whole point of someone staying faithful in marriage is that is special and often tempting but they still stay true. This means they need free will to make it their choice to prove their fidelity. Anyone could be faithful if they never had the opportunity to cheat. I don't expect DH to never have to make that decision.

People do have free will to have consensual sex with whom ever they choose and face whatever consequences might arise from their choices.

However, this woman's use of the pretty OP as an 'in' is the uncomfortable part for me, whether her intention was sex, or just a night of drinking, Cluedo, drugs etc. It's just odd.