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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think she has no self respect. Or respect for others for that matter

268 replies

Bippitybopityboo · 01/10/2017 03:04

DM runs a pub. DH occasionally helps out and does DJing at party's now and again.
He came in tonight and was laughing about a girl who was recently the barmaid at a hotel where we attended a wedding. DH told me about the conversation they had...

Girl: can you play some new chart stuff please?
DH: sure
Girl: I recognise you? You were at a wedding at hotel 2 weeks ago with your wife wasn't you.
DH: ohh yes was you there?
Girl: yes I work there. Your wife is really pretty.
Dh: haha thanks

Girl goes to dance, come back to ask for lots of songs repeatedly through the night.

Towards the end of the night
Girl: do you want to come back and finish the night with me and my friend?

DH declined.

How FUCKING RUDE!!

DH and DM are laughing saying she's just a silly little girl but I'm fuming!
She knows he's married as she complimented me in the night. Why would you offer a married man yourself on a plate. AIBU to think she has no self respect or respect for others especially fellow women.
I hope one day when she's settled down some little tramp throws themselves at her bloody husband! Angry

OP posts:
Satinthebath · 01/10/2017 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 01/10/2017 07:58

Bloody Beverley Macca. She's like a fly around shit - but she's too fat to be the fly.

😂😂

And you're the shit Dave!

RIP Caroline Aherne Sad

Schmoopy · 01/10/2017 08:03

Why when a women says 'your wife is really pretty' does a man reply 'thanks'

Well I think it's intended as a compliment - to both people - and 'thanks' is the appropriate response to a compliment. Especially if you don't want to engage in a conversation with that person.

What would the alternative be?

"Yes she is"
"I'll tell her"

But both of those could invite a response

'Thanks' just shuts it down.

BeyondThePage · 01/10/2017 08:05

Drunk woman propositions married DJ - no news there is there? She fancied him, she hit on him, he's married, he said no, she moved on.

KatharinaRosalie · 01/10/2017 08:06

Is it normal to gloat to your partners about people who are propositioning and hitting on you? Why? To make them jealous? Whenever someone suggests something like that to me, I would say no thanks, but would not run to Dh to describe this all in detail.

WhatDoIDoAboutThisHmm · 01/10/2017 08:06

Just off on a tangent, and no disrespect to the OP...but why are DJs hit on so often?

Depends what sort of clubs it is and the sort of music, I suppose. but DJs are cool. They know the best music and how to impress. Plus they can get you into clubs free. Plus they get invited to all the best parties.

Plus, if you're lucky, they have the best mohawk in the club, huge biker boots, a bottom that looks delightful in leather trousers and are shrouded in dry ice in the DJ booth...

I was never into the whole DJ thing, but I saw plenty who were.

StickThatInYourPipe · 01/10/2017 08:07

Personally I think he's a bit of an idiot for telling you - it was bound to upset you, I can't imagine he wouldn't realise that was insensitive

I don't think not telling the OP would have been a good idea, it would be like he was trying to hide something.

I love it when other women try and chat up dp (not a regular occurance but still it has happened once or twice) Firstly, he never realises and, being the completely anti social butterfly he is, he just sort of stands there not really responding and looks awkwardly like he is wondering why some random person is talking to him. It is very funny and I wind him up for weeks after (cue the very drunk lady in subway who I am 80% sure didn't realise we were a couple and draped herself over him in a very ummm 'alluring' way) But equally I am always ripping HIM in the situation not the women who fancy their chances (wish I had had that confidence when I was younger!)

Don't get upset about this OP! He told you and said no to her best case scenario really eh? YABU for being this pissed off

WhatDoIDoAboutThisHmm · 01/10/2017 08:07

Oh the DJs are cool comment was reflecting a narrative. Not my own opinion!

jimmypageisgod · 01/10/2017 08:10

I loved Rita, Sue and Bob too Grin

And of course the late and great Caroline Aherene Sad

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 01/10/2017 08:15

Why when a man invites a woman back it's obviously for sex, but a woman invites a man back and she didn't mean sex.

If I was the husband I would have thought she was propositioning me.

Although I don't quite get where the idea of a threesome came up, I didn't get that impression from the OP Confused

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 01/10/2017 08:16

So a woman throws herself at a married man and his wife is being unreasonable for taking issue with it?

Calling her a silly little girl is accurate - offering a married man the opportunity to 'finish the night' with her and her friend is immature and vindictive.

Mumsnet is a really naive place sometimes, just because no one wants to insult women and what they stand for doesn't mean that women don't exist who are examples of exactly that. Not every woman has innocent intentions and is merely expressing their right to do whatever they want, some are manipulative witches who absolutely would try to have sex with a married man etc. This woman was suggestive, of course 'finish the night' could have been perfectly innocent but, back in the real world, it was more than likely not.

We spend a lot of time on mumsnet warning people to look out for red flags, if the OP found that suggestion in a text message to her husband what would everyone be saying then? There are a lot of 'cool wives' on here this morning. It is not ok for another woman to make suggestive comments to a man who she knows is married, and I have no idea why so many posters are condoning this.

OP, at least your DH didn't take her up on the offer. Whatever she actually meant by it is irrelevant - he was at a venue doing his job, he shouldn't be hassled that way. I don't think half the opinions on here would be the same if he'd said that to her, or if the DJ was female and a man said that to her.

I'd be annoyed, not enough for me to say something to her but I agree with you that she was out of order.

MrsKoala · 01/10/2017 08:16

"People like her'? Wtf. Young pretty women out having a good time and asking someone if they want a drink? Holy shit.

Even if she was offering a shag - so what? He said no. It's fine. I expect DH to get propositioned and he does. He expects me to get propositioned and i am. We tell each other and have a laugh about it. It doesn't diminish us or our relationship in anyway (in fact i'd be surprised if we weren't occasionally chatted up - it's not like we are hideous and horrible).

Pre DH i would happily have sex with someone i met in a bar (that's how i met DH btw). Sex isn't something i 'offer on a plate', it's not some special treasure i dole out to people and if i do it a certain way it doesn't make me trampy, a slapper etc. It's just something i may want to do with someone if i fancy it. Some of these comments are foul.

MorrisZapp · 01/10/2017 08:18

Happy memories of getting off with the DJ at the student union back when Thatcher was in government.

He used to let me INTO THE DJ BOX OMGGGGGGGG

It was like being famous. He even played my friend's favourite indie anthems and everything. Doubt he was married as he was 18 and living in the halls of residence.

Original poster
Bippitybopityboo · 01/10/2017 08:19

Woken up to some good replies, jesus I was mad last night haha. Definitely calmed down now. When I say dj I mean literally in a little country pub nothing exciting.

Anyway my post has done the trick as now all the mumsnetters know how pretty I am and that I have a devoted DH. I'm sure you're all seething with jealousy right now and I'm feeling pretty stealthy this morning ConfusedEnvyGrin

OP posts:
Coconutspongexo · 01/10/2017 08:21

'Throws herself at a man' Hmm

PerfectlyPooPoo · 01/10/2017 08:22

OP I'd be unimpressed too and think she was a bit of a slag.

I just don't get MN sometimes. We should all use please and thank you and we hate the OW but someone who's said this to the OP's dh is fine Confused

If we all were a bit more considerate to each other in all sorts of ways the world might not be just as fucking horrible as it generally is these days.

MorrisZapp · 01/10/2017 08:23

Coffee break you've ramped up the misogyny to medieval levels. Manipulative witch? Really?

Person offers sex, other person says no thanks. Where the fuck is the manipulation or witchery?

What words do you use for men who ask married women for sex?

It's the self esteem of sexist married women I wonder about. If the only way you can imagine your dh staying faithful is by demanding other women don't offer him sex then you can't think much of yourself.

MrsKoala · 01/10/2017 08:24

Slag

Jesus

PerfectlyPooPoo · 01/10/2017 08:26

Yes MrsK that would be what I'd call her Hmm

MorrisZapp · 01/10/2017 08:27

PooPoo I'm considerate by not using disgusting, misogynist language.

In my ideal world, the word slag would be deemed hate speech and would be deleted by MNHQ. But they aren't bothered about sexist language, just racist language, which is a shame.

What harm did the 'slag' do? Unless your husband struggles not to shag drunk strangers I just don't get where the rage comes from.

Original poster
Bippitybopityboo · 01/10/2017 08:27

So one minute this is a stealth boast, the next I can't think much of my self. I don't know where I am with this now! Grin

OP posts:
DontDrinkDontSmoke · 01/10/2017 08:30

Even the uncool, cheesy DJs get propositioned all the time.

I had a mate who DJed at the cheesy clubs in town. He slept with so many women (he was single) it was unbelievable. Even when he wasn’t DJing they were round him like the proverbial fleas. I went on a holiday with him and a few others once and he was very popular with women. He must have still been giving out the DJ vibes because he wasn’t exactly a looker or that outgoing personality wise. He shagged enough women on that holiday to warrant a trip to the chemist as he’d caught something nasty.

GetAHaircutCarl · 01/10/2017 08:31

I'm not sure why the DH passed it along to OP.

I've never felt the need to do that. Nor has DH.

Original poster
Bippitybopityboo · 01/10/2017 08:31

He's definitely in the cheesy dj category it was a 60th party.
I just don't understand why go for a man you know is married that's all

OP posts:
DontDrinkDontSmoke · 01/10/2017 08:31

Ugh, women calling other women “slags”.