I was unreasonable to DH. AIBU to think he should forgive me?

[BarneyTheFuckOffDinosaur]

DS is 4 weeks old. DH does a lot of the night feeds and two nights ago DS was crying every hour. Along with the noise of screaming, all I could hear was DH repeating "now now, never mind, never mind, now now" over and over again all fucking night. Now and again he'd mix it up with a bit of "do you have belly ache? Ummm? Belly ache? Is that what it is? Belly ache? Now now nevermind ... "

Last night DS woke up at midnight and the first thing DH said was "now now, never mind". I could actually feel the rage burning up inside me. We got back to sleep and 1.30 am it starts again, DS crying and DH repeating "do you have belly ache again? Now now nevermind ... "

So I snapped and said "can you stop repeating the same thing over and over again? It's driving me crazy". He didn't answer me but he shut up. DS wokevagain at 4am, DH picked him up and took him out of the bedroom, as he walked down the stairs i heard him say "belly ache?"

This morning I got up at 7am as we'd agreed and DH headed to bed. He got up again at 2pm, DS started crying so I started to sort a feed and heard DH say "never mind, mummy is coming to feed you, now now, never mind"

I totally lost my shit and embarrassingly went marching into the living room shouting "now now DH!!!! Never mind DH!!! Do you have belly ache again??? Awwww never mind!!! Now now!!!" The more i went on the angrier I was getting. DH snapped "what are you fucking on about now?" And I carried on repeating his phrases. He stood up and said "well what do you want me to say to him for fucksake? He's 4 weeks old!" So I screamed at him "it's not always fucking belly ache! Just fuck off out, you're so annoying". So he grabbed his coat and left shouting "crazy cow" behind him.

After I calmed down I felt really guilty and text him to ask him to come home and said I was sorry. He's come home but he's refusing to speak to me and I said now handling DS silently and not speaking to him either. I know I was unreasonable and have apologised but he's dragging it on. AIBU to think he should get over it now?

Do me a fucking favour, Karma.

OP, YANBU

And people wonder why the OP didn't come back again 😂

The way you had a go at him was very personal, attacking his parenting at such an early stage, mimicking and mocking the way he is bonding with his new son. That is very personal and will have been very very hurtful on a deep level. I am not surprised he is now not saying anything, he doesn’t want you taking the piss again.

Much is made of the importance of building up the confidence of new mothers and not undermining what they are doing as they learn, but the same is true of fathers. His confidence in his abilities as a new father will have been really knocked. Not least because it’s you who has done the mocking. And that’s very sad that you have made him feel that way as a new father, sad for him, sad for your son. He will need time for his confidence to be regained, and sincere and gentle encouragement from you to sooth and bond with his son in whichever way feels right for him.*

I agree so much with this.

This thread is dispressing women are appently allowed to lose their shit and downright abusive to thier partners cuz its a one off but i bet not a single person would give a bloke a free pass for this and is one of the main problems with men reporting DV cuz women are all hormonal dears that cannot control themselves (fucking bullshit and so 1950s crock of shit hormones or not is not a reason for abuse ever and we women are not just emotional dears ...

OP popped her head in this am , and left sharpish

There is a very large grey area between abuse and losing your shit and being an arsehole which is not allowed on here

oh god now it is domestic violence for partners to snap at each other 4 weeks after having their first baby.

I don't think the op's replies have been particularly endearing.

Jesus. My reading of this situation is that you both (op and h) are tired out of your minds-and in particular the op...and that makes you act in ways your wouldn't normally and respond in ways you wouldnt normally. About a month in sleep deprivation peaks at the same time new born baby euphoria wares off. And the result is an insane argument between the parents and one storms off.its quite common amongst my acquaintance group...
Op just say that you're sorry to h, and that you are just very tired. He will hopefully say the same to you. Done.

OP I remembered a incident when severely sleep deprived I fed the cat a whole bottle of freshly made formula and then stood discombobulated in the kitchen with a tin of cat food with a screaming baby !
Perhaps instead of being a grown up and discussing the inequality in your sleep rations , you go to the bedroom when your DH is asleep ( for a full blimming 7 hours ) and talk to your baby , any repetitive twaddle will do , whilst stroking DH's feet . Give it a couple of weeks of this treatment and your DH will be as unreasonable as you

frumpety

So being more of a twat is the answer?

Actually that would annoy me too! Whole point of him doing the night feeds I’m assuming is to give you a break and so you can get some rest / decent nights sleep. Hardly going to happen if all you can hear is him on repeat.

You did overreact but I’m sure loads of new mums overreact due to hormone changes and sleep deprivation. Give him a bit of time to clam down and I’m sure he’ll forgive you in time.

First of all it's good your partner is helping !! Shay yours does in a Night Is about the sum total of what I got!!

However, you clearly need space. How about you make a separate area so you can sleep without any noise. Just sleep and get back to your relative normality

Hope all goes well, don't ffs beat yourself or husband up as it's such a tough time - hang in there it'll get better

He didn't answer me but he shut up. DS wokevagain at 4am, DH picked him up and took him out of the bedroom, as he walked down the stairs i heard him say "belly ache?"

Okay so you're pissed off at hearing him repeating things to the baby. So he then decides to take the baby downstairs yet you're moaning you hear him say it as he was walking down stairs! Would you rather him take the baby downstairs silently and not say a word till he's actually downstairs :S he's trying his best, I'm sure you are too. But you reacted very rudely and it was harsh.

My DS is 11 weeks old and a crap sleeper, I feel your pain! What works for DH and I is him sleeping in the spare room then taking over at 6am so I can get some sleep - when it's a work day it's 1h30, but at the weekend he'll take DS out for breakfast with a bottle of expressed milk and let me sleep till 10 or 11am. Bliss!

I reckon separate rooms for now is the way forward. DH and I still cuddle up when DS is asleep so we maintain intimacy.

Oh OP. I remember that fury and irritation well from the early days. DH used to come and lie on the bed for the last feed while I held DD and every time he fell asleep and every time I hated him with every fibre of my being even though he was just trying to offer some support and was tired.

This is going to sound horribly head tilty and I don't mean it to I promise. You're both tired. You're emotional, being a mum is so so hard and life changing. But honestly try to be kind to each other. Your DH sounds like he's pulling his weight and coping as best he can. Try to see through the fog and give him some slack

Ah OP the way you have written that has had me laughing out loud! 😂😂
I was like this with my OH after having my son. Yes looking back I was a completely unreasonable cow but no sleep and raging hormones do have a lot to answer for.
If you weren't self aware and hadn't apologised to DH for your behaviour then all of the flack some PP's have given you would be justified.
But you are and you have! I hope your DH comes round soon seeing as you have apologised.

There is an article here that I find interesting and reassuring - particularly when it comes to my DH's parenting style. You might find it helps any irritations or anxiety you have with your DH!

www.directadvicefordads.com.au/new-dads/dads-do-things-differently-and-thats-okay/

I think some people on this thread have deluded themselves into believing that butter wouldn't melt in their mouth.

Or alternatively they stand on their rights and make everyone's lives a misery for the sake of principle.

OP YANBU. Of course your DH should forgive you and move on once you have given him a proper (good) apology. Yes of course you were unpleasant, but you know this and regret it, and that's OK.

Boney my post was supposed to be tongue in cheek , sorry the tone didn't transfer very well . Clearly the sitting down like grown ups and discussing it would be the correct course of action .