Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is in debt

211 replies

gameofthrones22 · 30/09/2017 17:14

Sorry for the slightly long ramble but here goes... any advice really appreciated.

I've been married to DH for nearly 2 years and 5 months in to our marriage I found out he had credit card debts amounting to nearly 15K. I was shocked, upset, betrayed but felt like it was something we could get through. Now I've come to the thinking that it's not something I can get through. I feel like its a huge amount and having never had money worries the amount terrifies me. All my spare money goes on house stuff that needs doing as DH literally doesn't haven't a penny to his name after his monthly repayments come out.

DH earns 21K so I've calculated by making minimum payments it will take approx 4 years maybe more to pay this off. I earn 29K and will try to do my best to help DH but I've become resentful at having to miss out on stuff or decline invites or not afford a new car or holiday etc as I am saving to help DH out.

Does anyone have any advice on what to do? I'm really really torn. Should this be something we should be able to get through together? Just makes me sad kids etc will be delayed as we will have no disposable income any time soon.

OP posts:
Parker231 · 30/09/2017 19:33

He needs to get a bar or restaurant job - 10 hours a week of extra money would help the balance owing come down quicker.

ivykaty44 · 30/09/2017 19:33

Please don't throw everything at the smallest debt first.

Look at all the debts and which has the highest interest. Then see if you can easily swap anything to a 0% interest card. Then take the debt with the highest % interest and throw everything at that debt first. Once that is paid off again look at 0% interest cards. Then pay Debt with highest interest.

Get in contact with local cab

Don't put the debts in your name

ivykaty44 · 30/09/2017 19:37

The 0% will that last the four years on all cards?
Which one will have the highest interest when reverts from being 0% ?

I would be looking at paying nearer £500 a month to clear the debts asap

LIZS · 30/09/2017 19:38

Agree with stepchange suggestion. It is difficult to take the moral high ground having benefitted from the proceeds, not to excuse his deception though. If you are to move forward you both need to accept the debt as joint and agree an action plan to budget and tackle it together. It may still take years to clear and making minimum payments is servicing the debt not reducing it, so you will need to find a way to do more.

emma8t4 · 30/09/2017 19:38

Have a look at the debt free wannabe forum on moneysavingexpert, there is loads of good advice there about how to get debt free faster.

LadyFairfaxSake · 30/09/2017 19:41

As others have said, definitely contact Stepchange, they will help DH to set up a repayment plan with his creditors. This is an agreed sum they collect from you & pay to the creditors.
Stepchange are part of the credit card industry so card companies accept them as intermediaries.
Monthly payments are lower than the card monthly payments would be & the debt decreases more quickly.
Often card companies stop charging interest to debtors working with Stepchange & they don't call you or send letters - Stepchange deals with all of that.
From personal experience it's worth getting in touch with them.
Good luck to you both.

LadyFairfaxSake · 30/09/2017 19:44

Should have said Stepchange is a charity but I believe it is linked to the credit card industry & thus the industry is favourably disposed to it.

Brittbugs80 · 30/09/2017 19:47

Please don't throw everything at the smallest debt first

Look at all the debts and which has the highest interest. Then see if you can easily swap anything to a 0% interest card

All the debts are on interest free card so it makes sense to clear the smallest one first or whichever one has the highest interest rate after 0% ends unless they move them again onto 0% cards.

Brittbugs80 · 30/09/2017 19:49

Plus interest.....

The debt is all on interest free cards....

MyHusbandIsNotADick · 30/09/2017 19:51

Did he tell you or did you find out?

Wreckingball25 · 30/09/2017 20:09

OP, you’ve had some top advice.

There’s an excellent article by the financial blogger Mr Money Mustache www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/04/18/news-flash-your-debt-is-an-emergency/ which may help you reframe the way you look at paying this off together!

I paid off well over double what you’re attempting ten years ago but I couldn’t have done it without the love and support of my then boyfriend. His reasoning was that it was for both of our futures (turned out not to be, but the sentiment was there)

Oldie2017 · 30/09/2017 20:13

Do look at what he pays every single month - the direct evidence to prove he is actually paying the whole mortgage and council tax as he is supposed to do in case instead he's getting into more debt. Perhaps if he's happy with this also get him to show you his bank statements every week too.

I have always found it relatively easy to earn more and more money (I know I'm unusual and not every one can) but have you considered that? I managed to earn the same as my salary in my spare time at one stage. That kind of thing can transform your life and your finances.

Why not start with him? Could he start a job on Saturdays and Sundays? One reason some of us have a fair bit of money now is we have often worked second jobs and taken on extra work. Could he work in a bar or doing cleaning at the weekends? I don't see why not.
Could you put the house or flat on airbnb for a few weekends and stay with parents? Could you take in a lodger?

Graphista · 30/09/2017 20:22

While he was wrong not to be honest before you wed, you are frankly coming across as materialistic and selfish!

4 years is NOT that long. Especially when you consider your MARRIAGE should hopefully last 40/50/60 years if it's genuine.

In addition, how much was the wedding? The 'house stuff'? I have come across so many people that think 'things' and 'appearances' matter.

If you really love someone you won't care if your wedding is in a registry office on a Thursday with a meal in pub after. Also those things for the house - all new? From where?

I have seen this SO many times where one spouse is insistent on getting the best and then the other spouse is blamed when the finances go belly up as a result.

How much is your mortgage? How big is your house? Is it in a 'naice' area? Does it NEED to be? As newlyweds all you need is a one bed place is somewhere relatively safe and not too far from work.

You're supposed to be a team, and some of this debt has been incurred by you knowingly.

But I agree with Pps who've said they suspect you regret marrying for other reasons and are going to use this as an excuse to leave.

I know VERY few people that can afford new cars, annual holidays... Yet I know a good many very happily married couples inc with children who are not well off.

MrsWombat · 30/09/2017 20:29

Have you looked at at Martin's Lewis' website to see if there's anything missing you can do?
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=76

Now is the perfect time to get a part time Christmas temping job to help get the bill down faster.

Grimbles · 30/09/2017 20:35

Personally I would look at paying as much off the cards as I could whilst it was still interest free and then look into either consolidating them into a personal loan or re-mortgaging, depending on affordability.

Brittbugs80 · 30/09/2017 20:38

Graphista

Agree with everything you have said.

Why get married if you are prepared to bail after two years because you don't want debt, yet the debt also include things for the house you both live in and the wedding.

If everything aside from this is what you want, why not support him through it?

ivykaty44 · 30/09/2017 21:10

Always alway check council tax
And pay as priority as it isn't a bill but a demand - one that you can go to prison for not paying, but rare. Though district councils will issue court summons pdq and charges go on

ivykaty44 · 30/09/2017 21:14

How many bedrooms do you have?
Plenty of people rent lodgings and it's a great way to get a dress second income tax free if under £7000per year

Worth it for 2 years to pay of debts quicker

With a second job added to that you could have the debt paid of fairly swiftly

Shiftymake · 30/09/2017 21:49

Lozzylizzy, Op gave the sums of debt and the timeframe for how long it would take to pay this off. Easy maths.. What is puzzling me is that roughly 280 pounds is breaking the bank when collectively they have an income that could bring the debt down quicker, without knowing the mortgage which seems to be closer to the 1000s then the hundreds when playing the game of assumption.

Ploppie4 · 30/09/2017 22:14

How much does he pay each month? If he could pay 1k a month, the debt would be over quicker. In a year.

I'd be tempted to shake things up completely. Live in shared or parental accommodation for a year and throw everything st the debt.

It is decitful to have kept the dept quiet. However weddings and house stuff are a joint thing. You both should have opted for a much cheaper wedding and free cycle household items

Ploppie4 · 30/09/2017 22:17

I also think he needs to take on an extra job. Pub work in the evenings or Saturday work. If it means throwing an extra 300 at the debt each month, that's great

ivykaty44 · 30/09/2017 22:31

If you worked an extra 2 nights a week say 5 hours you would earn minimum wage in pub
£7.50 per hour so 300 per four weeks

But then you will need to pay tax on this amount, and there won't be a P45 so the entire amount will be taxed so your not going to net £300 it will be 20% less or so so around £200-£240

Come January pubs etc much slower so shifts may dry up for a while

KickAssAngel · 30/09/2017 22:32

If a lot of the money was spent on the house, then you, as his wife, now have half of that house. Does that help you to resent it less? If you are married for another ten years, then any equity in the house will make up for the debt you'll have paid off by then.

Yes, he should have been honest, but it seems like he is being honest now (but maybe you should do a check every so often). It also seems like it's more that he buried his head in the sand and wasn't even honest with himself, let alone you.

Apart from the practical stuff - like getting a weekend job, is there a chance of a pay rise or promotion at work etc, YOU need to decide if you can live with this, and move on properly and positively together, or not.

dunraven · 30/09/2017 23:38

You can get through this together.

Real life is full of peaks and troughs and in my perspective, a £13/14K debt on interest free credit cards and a £50K household income is not too bad a trough.

Really scrutinise your finances - cut out some luxuries, increase income if possible (seasonal xmas jobs advertised atm) and if you're really determined, it won't take you 4 years to pay it off. Good Luck!

Original poster
gameofthrones22 · 01/10/2017 00:07

Thanks for all your responses. Myself and DH have had a discussion around 2nd jobs and it's something we'll be looking in to.

The 4 years repayment is what it will take DH at the rate he is able to pay now. Making minimum payment on each card. And I was starting to save up my leftover income at the end of the month for both of us as a nest egg / backup savings / car insurance money etc but having thought about it more, i could help pay off the 4K in my name much quicker. I may save less a month but atleast the burden of the 4K will be lessened much sooner.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.