'If you want me to do something, just tell me'.
Basically this phrase means to me that he doesn't ever take the initiative to plan or think about what needs doing and that I'm apparently in charge of everything around the house and he'll do something if I 'delegate' it to him but otherwise won't think to do it. Why do I always have to be the one that thinks about what needs doing domestically? Like what cleaning needs doing, or that we're about to run out of bread, or that we need to buy a present for a party at the weekend. Why can't he ever work out for himself that if the laundry bin is full that probably means we need to put some laundry on without me having to specifically point it out? Or that it will never occur to him to hoover or clean anything unless I've specifically asked him to do it? He's 36 and not an idiot FFS. Surely he can take some responsibility for thinking sometimes about what needs to be done sometimes without me having to specifically ask?
AIBU? I know I'm lucky that he will do stuff if I ask him to do it which is better than some men, but I just find it so irksome that it's never off his own back. He always has to be asked to do something.
AIBU?
AIBU to be pissed off with hearing this phrase from DH?
KitKat1985 · 30/09/2017 09:53
Why oh Why do so many women keep inventing more stuff to do that isn't important?
Something men never do, of course.
I have to say that it is the other way round in our house - DH calls me a child and thinks I'm inept at running a household. I do the cooking, washing up, dishwasher etc but probably not as much cleaning as I can and I don't do the washing as he says I don't hang clothes up 'properly' to prevent creasing (which makes more work for him as he does do most of the ironing, only because I hate it and try not to iron unless I can possibly help it. I do KNOW how to iron though!)
To be honest, I do think I have lots of ADHD traits and am absolutely useless at organising anything, get easily distracted, leave everything to the last minute, procrastinate, am late often, forget appointments, can't manage finances etc. I've never been formally diagnosed but I can see a lot of the symptoms fit my personality and I've always been like it since childhood.
I have managed to hold down a job for 11 years, and look after my DD three days a week on my own when DH is away so I can't be that bad. Doesn't help my self-esteem when DH calls me a child and says that's the reason he doesn't want any more though... 
Ps you are projecting a lot of your stuff from your significant lady onto a forum of mostly women... I would advise you to tread carefully and with a bit more respect if you want to be heard. 
MyHusbandIsNotADick but that's sort of my point, surely it's obvious that we need to do laundry if the basket is over-flowing or that we need more bread if he has used the last of the loaf? Why do I have to physically tell him stuff that is so bloody obvious? I think his values are that if he ignores it, he knows that I'll just end up doing it for him. 
And yes, we have had many conversations about these things, but he just seems to have this inability to see the bleedin' obvious sometimes.
My DH has said to me, 'I didn't know, I'm not a mind reader.' He gets miffed if I grumble at him for missing something that needs doing, whereas I would have thought it was obvious!
The worst example of this was when I hurt my ankle really badly and was on crutches for 3 months. I pleaded with him to do a bit of cleaning, but his excuse? He didn't have time. I was thinking, at least do some hoovering around here, I'm feeling really depressed about the dirt!
In the end I hired a cleaning company.
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Anybody would think the world would end if there was a speck of dust on the carpet or a dirty plate by the sink or heaven forbid the 'right' colour accessory for the outfit was not to be found.
Guess what, it won't.
I don't think those are the sorts of things anyone here is much (if at all) bothered by.
Take him at his word.
Tell him you'd like him to undertake a huge and comprehensive lists of domestic tasks including DIY, buying presents, planning Christmas, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom floors, etc etc
Not a bad idea at all. "You know you only need to ask me if you want to do something". "Oh cheers DH, could you organise Christmas this year? All of it."
Pleeeease say you'll do this and tell us what he says
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