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Original poster

To wonder why it's such a big deal to take children for dinner in the UK

256 replies

tinypop4 · 30/09/2017 09:19

Not originally from the UK- where I'm from it is totally normal to take children out in the eve.
Last night we had guests staying so we went for dinner at the local curry place. We took our dd who is almost 5 and our friends Dd who is almost 4. We went at 7pm, they behaved well- stayed at the table other than to go to the toilet, chatter, coloured, ate off the ordinary menu. They didn't shout, run around or cause any drama and we left at 9.15.
In the course of this 2 hours I had 4 different people telling me that it was 'very late for young children' 'they should be in bed' and one whispered loudly and in ear shot that it's 'cruel to have children out as late as 9pm'.

Now if they were over tired toddlers ,
Screaming, tantrumming etc I could understand if people might feel annoyed by their presence but in this case I didn't get it.

We were stared at a lot and were the only people out with children and despite having a nice calm evening, felt quite annoyed by the end. Why are children so unwelcome out in the evening here? Maybe I'm being unreasonable and children shouldn't come out in the evening but I think ta a shame

OP posts:
Original poster
tinypop4 · 30/09/2017 10:34

Rasko if you read the thread lots of people don't believe me! But that's okay because that's not really the point of the thread Smile

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 30/09/2017 10:34

Why wouldn't people believe OP?

Four people commenting, all of them sitting near enough to the OP for her to hear exactly what they were saying, even the one who was whispering?

No, can't think of a single reason why anyone wouldn't believe that.

Redsippycup · 30/09/2017 10:35

Muncheys what a bizarre thing to say!

How on earth do you know the usual bedtime of every child in the uk??

Just because your family routine is one thing doesn't mean everyone else lives the same way. How about you do what you think is best for your kids and let everyone else get on with it their way?

If the DC are happy and content, and not disturbing anyone, there isn't anything to judge, is there?!

SuburbanRhonda · 30/09/2017 10:36

Much more importantly, what did your three-year-old have off the menu?

Original poster
tinypop4 · 30/09/2017 10:37

Ha both children had popadoms with mango chutney and a small potion of plain rice with chicken korma

OP posts:
sofato5miles · 30/09/2017 10:38

We recently had my father's 70th. Our children stayed up, dancing etc and i had many comments on how late it was etc. It does happen here.

TBH I would be more surprised to see children in a curry house, than the hour, and would compliment the parents on having kids that eat curry!

C8H10N4O2 · 30/09/2017 10:40

my expectation is that they'll be overtired and misbehave by the end of the meal, and if I'm out at that time I want to enjoy some adult time.

IME the expectation creates the results. I remember being looked at as if I'd dragged in a pack of animals (by staff and customers) as I walked through the door and then being put at the proverbial table by the toilet. Children pick up on this and it puts everyone on edge and can become self fulfilling - or maybe it just put me on edge and I didn't enjoy it as a result.

By contrast the local family run Italian, Greek and Indian restaurants smile and welcome you as customers whatever your age. Everyone relaxes and has a good time and the children again respond to the assumption that they will behave perfectly well.

Locally, this meant our custom went to the places which welcomed us. When away from home its harder to tell from the outside.

This isn't just a southern European thing - I think its the UK which had a stronger 'children should not be heard' culture at that time.

user789653241 · 30/09/2017 10:42

Muncheys, my ds always have dinner after 7, since he was brought up that way, as I was. He never went to bed before 9, even as a toddler.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/09/2017 10:45

They would have been much happier going out to eat at 6pm and home by 8pm for bed

Because every child and every family is exactly the same Grin

junglebookisthebest · 30/09/2017 10:46

You need to work on your resting bitch face - I've got a brilliant one.
I do lots of things that other people seem to get comments on - public breastfeeding, children out for evening meals, non pink clothes on my girls, include the kids in our hobbies and activities rather than stop doing them because we are parents now.
I have never had any comments at the time - just sometimes a bit of incredulity from mum friends at what we've been up to lately.

flamingnoravera · 30/09/2017 10:46

I've had that in Ireland, not just at night, in any kind of decent restaurant even for lunch. Lots of tutting and looking and eye rolling.

coddiwomple · 30/09/2017 10:48

adult environments where people should be free to swear, dance and be a bit rowdy without getting daggers from parents.

huh?!? What kind of pub or restaurant do you go to!

Unless we are in a nightclub (and that's unlikely you'll find me there) I would throw you daggers even if I am not with my children!

It is true that the majority of UK children have a very early diner (sorry "tea"), some families eat at 5 or 6pm!!! and go to bed super early then their parents moan that they are up at dawn

You have people like MuncheysMummy who misses half the summer days by dragging the kids home for an afternoon diner and early night, when the rest of the world is enjoying the sunshine.

There's definitively a brit "thing" in putting kids to bed early.

C8H10N4O2 · 30/09/2017 10:51

Much more importantly, what did your three-year-old have off the menu?

Mine would have eaten most of the milder veggie dishes on the menu of our local Nepalese at this age. Possibly the hotter ones but when little if I wasn't cooking I tended to play safe when out. However they ate spicey food at home as well (because we do and I could never be arsed with doing different adult and child meals).

bakingaddict · 30/09/2017 10:56

To the pp who would judge someone for having kids in a restaurant past 8pm you need to get a grip. I find it's people with really regimented meal times and routines who struggle with kids on holiday or going out for a meal in the evening. If you relax a bit and go with the flow then kids adapt. The only place I wouldn't take my DC are Michelin type restaurants but all other types I would

allegretto · 30/09/2017 11:04

primary aged children do not eat their evening meal at 7:30pm onwards as they need to go to sleep shortly after
You're right. My primary aged children have dinner at 8pm.

CamperVamp · 30/09/2017 11:04

By 3 (well from weaning, really) my kids were eating samosas, veg curries, tandoori, biriyani etc.

Not all Indian curry is hot, not all spicing is chilli, lots of kids enjoy strong flavours. Fair enough if they don't, but I never understand the wide eyed marvel that toddlers devour olives, the bit of pizza with anchovies , grab the lemon wedge and suck it etc. Many are attracted to strong flavour.

glitterlips1 · 30/09/2017 11:10

bakingaddict Sat 30-Sep-17 10:56:24 To the pp who would judge someone for having kids in a restaurant past 8pm you need to get a grip. I find it's people with really regimented meal times and routines who struggle with kids on holiday or going out for a meal in the evening. If you relax a bit and go with the flow then kids adapt. The only place I wouldn't take my DC are Michelin type restaurants but all other types I would

^Agree with this!

Madbum · 30/09/2017 11:11

Ok if it’s all true, the solution is to not care what other people think.
Do what you want with your children and don’t let the opinions of others affect you.

So what if some people think your kids should’ve been in bed? Does that mean they’re right? No, it just means as usual people will judge you no matter what you do.
Take them out or keep them home someone Is always going to tell you you’re wrong so just do what you want and ignore judge mental people, their opinions mean nothing!

coddiwomple · 30/09/2017 11:15

My kids don't need to get up before 7:30am during the week (8am at a push), and i'd rather not hear them before 8:30 -9am earliest during the week. Even in primary they don't need to go to bed that early.

Mittens1969 · 30/09/2017 11:15

Sounds like you had a lovely meal, OP. I think my DH would be very happy if our DDs would eat curry. But alas, we have 2 very fussy eaters.

Tealdeal747 · 30/09/2017 11:21

It was very rude of them to comment.

I hate the culture of putting dcs to bed so early in the uk.

ilovesooty · 30/09/2017 11:23

I don't think most curry restaurants are rowdy at 7pm.

I can't believe the judgement on this thread. It sounds as though the children had a lovely meal and behaved appropriately.

SuburbanRhonda · 30/09/2017 11:24

I hate the culture of putting dcs to bed so early in the uk.

Why would you hate it? What a strange comment.

wifeyhun · 30/09/2017 11:29

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it all. We like to eat late as well. We were in Madrid last month and the restaurants don’t even open till 8.30 ish all families are out late.

My kids have never really had early bedtimes though.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 30/09/2017 12:00

I am amazed that you had several people comment on this OP

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