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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

359 replies

marthaedensnumberplease · 29/09/2017 19:11

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

OP posts:
DancingLedge · 30/09/2017 21:26

And if social services don't have a magic wand or anything remotely approaching adequate resources ( hint- they don't) what could or should any of the rest of us do to help?

Bubblebubblepop · 30/09/2017 21:32

I don't think anyone needs to do anything to help tbh

DancingLedge · 30/09/2017 21:47

That'll make a good epitaph for our society.

OurMiracle1106 · 30/09/2017 21:51

I do think it should be reported- it may not be acted upon but should other issues occur it could give social services a fuller picture and mean they intervene when they otherwise wouldn't have

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 21:54

I don't think anyone needs to do anything to help tbh

Jeez. Really, really hope you don't have kids.
Do you have kids and are you a heroin addict and you're feeling rattled? So want people to stay away and back off? Obviously I don't know if that's the case, but that'd be the only thing that'd make any sense as anyone with an ounce of common sense would know illegal drugs round preschool kids when you're in charge of them is never OK, even if you'd love that to be the case.

Bubblebubblepop · 30/09/2017 21:56

You're very funny. You do know heroin users are in the extreme minority don't you?

5rivers7hills · 30/09/2017 21:57

@KrytensNanobots donee even know she does drugs around the kids? Maybe she stays at a friends house. Maybe her partner/husband looks after the kids.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 22:01

donee even know she does drugs around the kids? Maybe she stays at a friends house. Maybe her partner/husband looks after the kids

Well, that's just it, isn't it - no-one knows, so why assume everything's OK?
We do knoww (if this post is to be believed) that she has pre school kids. She takes heroin. Why would you automatically go "yeah it's all alright, nobody should do anything tbh?"
You don't know it's alright. Better to be safe than sorry.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 22:02

You're very funny. You do know heroin users are in the extreme minority don't you?

Wouldn't think it from this thread, there's an awful lot of people justifying it/saying there's nothing wrong with it.

birdsdestiny · 30/09/2017 22:03

Would people who say they wouldn't report to SS , report if the issue was domestic violence.

StorminaBcup · 30/09/2017 22:11

Would people who say they wouldn't report to SS , report if the issue was domestic violence.

That's a totally different thread.

birdsdestiny · 30/09/2017 22:13

It's not. It's one of the three risk factors that act as a red flag for social services.

iamyourequal · 30/09/2017 22:16

I found this post really disturbing. TBH I think it's absolutely disgusting OP'S friend is smoking heroin and I don't believe for a minute it's recreational and once a fortnight etc. She is either lying or really stupid to keep this up thinking she is immune from becoming addicted. OP I would be offering her help to seek support to stop this or I would walk away from the friendship. I wouldn't want a heroin user anywhere near my family.

ApproachingATunnel · 30/09/2017 22:19

I think there are ppl like this, especially high-flyers. I would continue being friends (she confided in you so you must be pretty close?) but would not be allowing my kids to go over for sleepovers or similar.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 22:23

I think there are ppl like this, especially high-flyers.

That's quite disturbing and an interesting thought if true.
Why would it be OK and easy to be justified if you have pots of money and hold down a well paid, high job, a lovely home and move in high circles that take illegal drugs - if someone had no money, on benefits, a run down house and had drug dealers in their's and their children's lives that's exactly the same thing. I know who'd get cracked down on first but they're both exactly the same.

nolongersurprised · 30/09/2017 22:29

Over 15 years ago, as part of my training I worked in a Child Protection job, though I'm not a social worker. Part of it included a weekly multi disciplinary meeting where complicated referrals were discussed and debated (child protection, paeds and police representatives). There were lots of drugs around the children notifications, usually amphetamines but opiates as well, but if there was no accompanying concrete concern about the kids they were all tossed aside by the (20 year old) CP Team Leader as their official stance was "evidence shows that you can still be a good parent and use drugs".

This included

nolongersurprised · 30/09/2017 22:36

Actually, i won't say what it included even though it wouldn't be identifiable but it was an eye opener to me.

SofaKing0101 · 30/09/2017 22:51

@Iamyourequal..."I wouldn't want a heroin user anywhere near my family'.

What a judgemental opinion to have. Why is that?

iamyourequal · 30/09/2017 23:18

SofaKing0101 My children are the most precious things in my life and I am responsible for their wellbeing. It may seem judgemental to you, but I am just weighing up risks and thinking I would rather my children were not in the company of/under the supervision of people who choose to get high on dangerous and highly addictive class A drugs.

Maryz · 30/09/2017 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsJamesAspey · 30/09/2017 23:30

All heroin addicts started off as recreational users, and all functioed fine until the day they realised they couldn't function without it. Youre addicted long before you realise your addicted.

Heroin is chemically addictive, if you haven't taken your fix it'll start off as flu symptoms and rapidly turn into severe vomiting and shakes.

Once an addict gets clean, they can never touch heroin (or any other opiates) again as one use will make them fully addicted again, which is why many overdose.

EBearhug · 30/09/2017 23:36

In the 1960s, doctors were able to prescribe heroin, so users had access to clean medicine, and were able to function with no problem.

Those who knew my mother in the '60s would not agree that she was functioning with no problem - from what I've been told, there were lots of problems. (I didn't exist till the '70s, so I don't know from first-hand experience.)

She spent more of her life battling alcohol, though.

SofaKing0101 · 30/09/2017 23:37

She won't answer, so i'll continue.

My son is a heroin addict - he has been clean since April, he has done both the methadone programme and subotext and attended N/A meetings. Thankfully, he has beaten the addiction for now, and of course I live in fear of him succumbing to it again. He has a greater chance of dying if he uses again because his tolerance will be low and this is when most heroin users die.

He used to inject, and I will skip over the effects as you don't need to know, if you don't know.

However, to those that judge and think all heroin addicts behave like complete zombies on the street then you are so wrong.
The majority of drug users have some kind of mental health problem in some shape or form and turn to drugs as a last resort - not just for a laugh! I could probably make a guess that the most 'famous' heroin deaths that you read about have an MH problem. It gets out of control and then they relapse.....
So, unless you've walked a mile in my shoes or my son's - don't make judgements.

To the OP. My personal feeling is your friend told you because she may be quietly asking you for help? Don't disown her as some might.

If heroin 'helps her to feel better and able to be who she is' then she is telling you something that you can't hear yet.

SofaKing0101 · 30/09/2017 23:46

Ah, you did :) and I agree, my son is precious to me too, which I came on here in 2012 and conversed with Maryz, screaming about him and his MH and self harm. You were very helpful Maryz and I thank you for that.

I am in absolute agreement about dealers etc but fortunately for me I have never encountered one.

I cannot divulge his source, but it wasn't the streets

Graphista · 30/09/2017 23:47

I'm really shocked by those saying involving ss is worse than protecting these children from exposure to a highly addictive harmful drug and to someone who sees no issue with being a parent and using this substance.

I've treated addicts, also dealt with it in my personal life. I'm afraid I think those saying ss would be worse either have no experience or too much!

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