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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thoughts on being a functioning heroin addict?

359 replies

marthaedensnumberplease · 29/09/2017 19:11

I have a friend - she is a mum of 3 kids with quite a large age gap between them:17,10,4. She "told" me tonight (I put 'told' in commas as it was the end-point of a long convo) that she has been smoking heroin since she has been a parent (she's 37 now) but only doing it once a fortnight, slash every 3 weeks, plus only smoking, never injecting. I have literally been round to this woman's house twice a week for the last five years for a bloody nice dinner .....and never guessed.

She has a very good job, a clean house, kids are lovely. She reckons there ARE people like her.

I think she said stuff like "never have guessed", "not like one thinks" as I bemusedly left.

She has the kind of life - relationship with kids, relationship with DH, success in jobs etc that I would envy. She said that "smoking the occasional bag privately" makes her feel better and able to be who she is

I don't even have an aibu. Just wondering if I'm being a shit with the judgements I previously had until today.

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 30/09/2017 17:26

Dame diazepam what do you mean by the SS comment ?

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 17:33

So say she's already done the reporting? What would you advice be then?
She hasn't though, has she? She said as much. If she had and they said there was no concern, at least they checked it out and they could get help if needed.

I have a long held suspicion that there is no other advice on MN.

It's the first time on here I've ever said it and I've been around ages.
Usually I'm of the mindset you don't really know what goes on, they're fine and you could be causing trouble where there isn't any.
If you're smoking heroin around pre-school kids and exposing them to it whether potentially in smoke form or just having the illegal drugs around in your home/dealing with drug dealers to get it then yes, it is a concern. A potentially big one and needs checking out.

Bubblebubblepop · 30/09/2017 17:35

It might be the first time you've said but it's a stock answer to anything less than ideal parenting on MN.

Whereas those of us who know about SS know how many children are living with drug users and how little support or help is available even if they want it. And also know that children CAN be adequately, even well, cared for by drug users.

etzy · 30/09/2017 17:37

I think ur friend is trying to justify herself to u and maybe entice u into joining for a little smoke. She's looking for approval. She's looking for company. And whatever she has told u she smoke, multiply that by at least 3 or 4 times. She has a bigger dependency than she is admitting. Beware! Be very wary! I wouldn't let my kids alone with her in her house. And be careful u don't become a user too. It's a slippery slope.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 17:37

Whereas those of us who know about SS know how many children are living with drug users and how little support or help is available even if they want it

Just because there's apparently loads of kids living with drug users (depressing thought) doesn't make it any more OK.

Bubblebubblepop · 30/09/2017 17:39

That makes no sense. SS aren't there to step in when things aren't "OK"

It's not ok for children to witness arguing and upset during their parents divorce but you wouldn't suggest this means a report to SS

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 17:42

It's not ok for children to witness arguing and upset during their parents divorce but you wouldn't suggest this means a report to SS

Yeah, you're missing one glaringly big thing there. The fact it's not illegal to divorce, or argue/be upset. (Obviously arguing without domestic violence before anyone says!)
We're not talking about the odd glass of wine, or cigarette. LEGAL.
Heroin - ILLEGAL.
Where you potentially expose your kids to drug dealers, (criminals) and drug paraphenalia.
Not OK. Why are you so heavily justifying it?

Pengggwn · 30/09/2017 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMags · 30/09/2017 17:47

OP you've been going to her house twice a week for dinner for five years??

That's the most shocking thing about the thread!

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 17:48

If there are drugs in their home, they are not well cared for, because they could find those drugs and have unsupervised access to illegal and dangerous substances.

Exactly. Not to mention the people their parents will have to come into contact with/associate with in order to get the drugs in the first place.
Not exactly people would want anywhere near their kids.

Elendon · 30/09/2017 17:52

Well I've been in contact with social services with my child, who was then going through at 4 a determination for autism, so he could be schooled. Neither I nor my husband at that time were on drugs - as far as I'm aware we are still not - we are divorced.

Heroin used to be available for all sorts of medicine. I remember taking Kaolin and Morphine as a child.

The fact that it was criminalised left the barn door wide open for shysters to crawl in and infect the market with unpure stuff, and it's very much tied to prostitution as well.

Drugs need to be decriminalised. For a better and purer society.

Elendon · 30/09/2017 17:57

And I have good friends whose children, albeit young adults now, struggle with alcohol issues, and yet they have an huge array of spirits and wine on display. It's like being in a sweet shop. And they wonder where it all went wrong!

And don't get me started on parents who provide drink for parties 14 years and up!

babypossum · 30/09/2017 18:01

OP you've been placed in an unenviable position. I believe behind what sounds like the bravado of 'you wouldn't believe it' (or words to that effect), is actually a request for you to challenge her and offer help. Yes of course there are recreational class A drug users that continue to lead a somewhat normal existence, however your friend has other responsibilities, namely her children. EVERY single time she buys the drug she is putting herself at risk. EVERY single time she uses heroin she is putting herself at risk. When opiates were prescribed in the past, the quality was regulated however that is not the case now; it's mixed with all sorts of additional damaging things. Therefore EVERY single time she uses she is also putting her children at risk as she may be left unable to care for them, temporarily or otherwise. Whether she uses heroin fortnightly, weekly etc is a red herring. She is still using it with children present, albeit in another room.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 30/09/2017 18:05

I remember taking Kaolin and Morphine as a child you can still buy it.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 18:05

And don't get me started on parents who provide drink for parties 14 years and up!

You wouldn't win any parent of the year awards throwing one of those, that's for sure.
I have a 14 year old and I'd never provide drink for a party for him and his mates.
If some do, obviously not ideal, but you're missing the fact that heroin around kids, (and young ones at that! ) is illegal and dangerous.
Providing drink to your child and their friends in your own home at the age of 14 not good, and you'd get Hmm faces and possibly yelled at if the stricter parents found out their kid had been on the booze at your house but it's not illegal.

Eolian · 30/09/2017 18:10

To those people who are oh so knowledgeable about what SS will or won't do... the OP knows her friend is doing something illegal and potentially very dangerous which could endanger her children or result in them witnessing traumatic or very inappropriate things. It's not the OP's job to second guess what SS will do. Maybe they would do something, maybe not. But it is her responsibility to inform the appropriate people, who will then be in a position to decide whether they should check this out or not.

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 18:15

It's not the OP's job to second guess what SS will do. Maybe they would do something, maybe not. But it is her responsibility to inform the appropriate people, who will then be in a position to decide whether they should check this out or not

Yep. Awful position to be put in, if I was you I'd be cursing my friend for putting me in such a dilemma as I'd hate to do it but how could any responsible, caring parent not?

lucydogz · 30/09/2017 18:17

Last night I went to a talk by 2 people (one of whom used to be undercover in drugs squads) who have written books saying that the only answer is for drugs to be legalised. Both were very plausible but (without having any answer myself) I can't think that it would be right for the state to legalise something that fucks people up.

MatildaTheCat · 30/09/2017 18:25

likelucy alcohol, for example? Unthinkable.

MatildaTheCat · 30/09/2017 18:26

Sorry, lucydogz.

LurkingHusband · 30/09/2017 18:27

I can't think that it would be right for the state to legalise something that fucks people up.

Tobacco ? Alcohol ?

Not only legal, but the state makes money from them ...

lucydogz · 30/09/2017 18:33

But would they be legalised if they appeared now?

KrytensNanobots · 30/09/2017 18:35

These are Class A drugs. Not exactly the same as cigarettes and alcohol, however much you might like that to be.

Elendon · 30/09/2017 18:39

You wouldn't win any parent of the year awards throwing one of those, that's for sure.

But would you call social services about it?

x2boys · 30/09/2017 18:39

The thing is right or wrong alcohol and tobacco is legal heroin isn't alcohol screws up probably more people than heroin does but most people find it fairly acceptable in moderation.