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Original poster

Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

271 replies

splendidisolation · 29/09/2017 10:29

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

OP posts:
12point7 · 29/09/2017 10:31

I'd much prefer to pay a deposit for dc house than for a stupidly extravagant one day wedding. We can only afford one do they will have to choose.

Changebagsandgladrags · 29/09/2017 10:33

My parents didn't have the money to give me a deposit. Having said that, my deposit was £15,000 on a salary of £35,000.

My intention down the line is to sell the house and buy something small with the DCs getting the remainder.

Creatureofthenight · 29/09/2017 10:33

DH's parents gave him and his brother a sizeable contribution towards the deposit, but in our case it wasn't the whole deposit.
My parents didn't give us any but they don't have anything like as much money as DH's parents.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 10:34

It's not "normal" but most people I know have been helped by their parents.

I hope to be able to pay some (or all! why not) of my kids deposit. I know that if they live with us when they start working, we will charge "rent" and save it to give to them later. I am just being careful they don't know it yet

If my kids can get a mortgage, it means they will have a regular income of some kind so will totally deserved to have our help.

Hopefully we won't be all living under a bridge by then.

I am shocked by some posters who think that children are no longer their responsibility once they reach 16, or 18. It's different if you really cannot afford it, but refusing to help your own children feels weird. Isn't that what parents are for?

BigGreenOlives · 29/09/2017 10:35

As always on MN there will be a wide range. People living in social housing are unlikely to give their children tens of thousands of pounds towards a house/flat deposit, people who have their own houses with mortgages paid off who then have parents die may easily pass on money to their children.

SquareWord · 29/09/2017 10:36

My parents haven't paid a deposit for me or my siblings and I wouldn't expect them to. They also didn't pay for our weddings (paid for the flowers) When we got married we already had our own homes and were independent so it would seem strange to expect them to pay!

Pigface1 · 29/09/2017 10:36

My parents gave me a deposit for a house. They didn't give us anything towards our wedding, saying that was our responsibility. I honestly couldn't be more grateful to them for the deposit. We've been homeowners for 5 years now because of them. If they hadn't, I doubt we'd be in a position to buy now at all.

SquareWord · 29/09/2017 10:37

Should have said they have a good standard of living and could afford to help out but have taught us to stand on our own two feet and we have never had handouts. I will bring my DC up the same way.

gamerwidow · 29/09/2017 10:39

A lot of parents do help their kids out with deposits if they can afford it. Equally a lot of parents can barely meet their own housing costs so will never be able to afford this kind of money to gift to their children.
It's nice if you can but it's not a reflection of how well you love and provide for your children and no one should put themselves in financial difficulties to do so.

butterfly56 · 29/09/2017 10:39

Unless you are really well off and have enough to spare giving money to adult kids (especially ones who feel entitled) is a big mistake and can lead to all sorts of problems.

IME it's a really bad idea and if I had my time over again I would not have given them anything.

Percephone · 29/09/2017 10:40

My parents didnt help out at all. Not with wedding, house deposit or university fees (which was hard because due to their earnings I was only entitled to the minimum student loan). My grandmother sold her own house to help my mother on the housing ladder though!

gamerwidow · 29/09/2017 10:42

Fwiw me and DH parents didn't give us money for our deposit or our wedding. I put money aside monthly for DD which I hope you will use for either university or a house deposit when she is older. Hopefully circumstances will mean we never have to dip into it but you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Katie2017 · 29/09/2017 10:42

I think it's normal for parents to help their kids out wherever they can yes-a lot of people seem to think parenthood stops when their child turns 18 and is no longer a cute kid anymore. In reality, adult children in their 20s often need the most support from their parents in these times. If you can afford it why not? Depends how you want them to treat you when you're old I guess!

poisonedbypen · 29/09/2017 10:42

My father inherited money & split it between him, me & my mother. This was my deposit for my first home & I would not have been able to move up the ladder (or even get onto the ladder) without this help, so I am eternally grateful. I hope to be able to help my children in a similar way one day.

Original poster
splendidisolation · 29/09/2017 10:43

I'm torn. On the one hand its a cool thing to do and in this day and age its harder to get on the ladder, sure.

On the other hand, I feel financial and personal responsibility kicks in at 18.

I personally didn't get university fees or deposit, I rent.

If I had kids, when it comes down to it....no, I dont think I would.

OP posts:
Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 29/09/2017 10:44

DP's parents are giving us a sizeable sum and my parents are giving us about half that amount on top. It amounts to about 16% of the total cost of our house. We certainly didn't expect it but would have really struggled without it.

Mortgage lenders expect you to have so much in savings now, so it's really tricky.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 10:45

I think giving pocket money to adult who do not achieve anything is wrong, but when they kids have finished uni, found a decent job, and by so proven they are hard working, helping them out is just a nice thing to do.

If my kids do well at school and have a regular holiday job, then I am more than happy to buy their car. If they are being lazy, not a chance!

gamerwidow · 29/09/2017 10:45

I don't think whether or not you give a deposit affects how your children will look after you in old age. Love cannot be bought!
My mum has never had money to give but she gave me love which is worth more and I will always look after her.

JesusTapdancingChrist · 29/09/2017 10:45

My parents gave me the deposit for my house earlier this year. £17k.

I've never been married so they hadn't helped me with a wedding as they had my siblings. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown over trying to find a rental I could afford as a single parent with a pet after being given 2 months notice by LL and they wanted to help provide stability for me and more importantly my DC. They also knew that mortgage repayments would be literally half the rent I would have to pay and my DM in particular hates the idea of renting/paying someone else's mortgage and sees it as wasting money so it seemed prudent to them.

I could not be more grateful. I quite often cry with sheer happiness and relief over the fact that we have this lovely little house now and will never again have to worry about being told to leave/being told the rent is going up/having to accommodate viewings/being woken up by random workmen who you haven't been told are
coming/generally being made to feel a total inconvenience in what is meant to be your own home.

I will help my own DC in the same way as much as possible and I know their dad feels the same.

Aph413 · 29/09/2017 10:46

No deposit or wedding help from either if our parents here. My mum paid £150 for my wedding dress when I got married last year, she paid for it while I was getting changed so I wasn't even expecting that.
She has loaned me money to help me out before but that's always been a loan never a gift.

Alexandra87 · 29/09/2017 10:46

My dad gave the 3 of us a sum of money to do with as we wished. Sister and I used it for a house deposit. Brother blew his on a wedding.

Original poster
splendidisolation · 29/09/2017 10:46

It does trigger a kind of "its not faaaaaair!" feeling in me though, I must admit. 😂

Like the poster above, buying a house with a partner, with chunky deposits from both sets of parents.

Makes me think fucking hell...buying as a single person with no deposit help...not only is that serious financial stress but also it makes your buyer profile look worse compared to the profiles of people buying together and with help.

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 29/09/2017 10:46

If by normal you mean most parents in the UK give their adult children a significant sum of money to use as a deposit for a house, no, of course not- most people in the UK don't have thousands of pounds they can afford to give to others.

Ttbb · 29/09/2017 10:47

It's normal if they can afford it.

MargaretCavendish · 29/09/2017 10:49

I'm in my early 30s, south east (most of my friends live in London, though we don't), almost everyone I know has professional jobs. And I don't know anyone my age who has bought a house with no family help at all. In a lot of cases - and this was true for both me and DH - our parents gave us their own inheritances from our grandparents, reasoning that it would make much more difference to us. I'm not saying it's impossible, but in my experience buying property in London in your late twenties or early thirties without family money is rare, even if you have a high-paying job. Which is depressing.

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