Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

[splendidisolation]

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

Its a minefield.

House prices are way too high, so young people can't afford to buy, but renting is a poor alternative when rents are also so high.

Many people feel that it makes sense to help children with their housing so that they are not handing over a huge chunk of their hard-earned cash to landlords for the next 10 or 20 years, but investing in their future.

It doesn't help social mobility, but what is the alternative? Sitting on the money until you die and paying huge inheritance taxes? Once your parents have died, doesn't it make sense to pass on any inheritance (if there is any) to the future generations when they need it?

I don't know what the answer is but the lack of affordable housing is the real issue.

In not so recent olden days didn't people start off in family's front room?

My daughter and son-in-law work really hard and were spending a fortune on rent for a not very nice house, but in a good area. I gave them approx £50k, for a house deposit and also paid for their wedding. The wedding was lovely, but we all worked together to keep the costs down (we've always had champagne tastes on beer money)!!!! We're not rich, my husband and I (retired now), worked in the public sector. We are mortgage free, had lump sums from pensions, and I had an inheritance from my dear parents. It is this inheritance that I passed on, it gives me joy to help them and see them in their nice house, while I am still alive. It also meant that they were able to skip a starter home and have a 3 bed. They are both so appreciative. The in-laws have also helped them too. They are lucky, I know (and so do they) but it makes total sense to offload that money, particularly when it is very hard to get a decent return on investments and the value of any savings are depreciating due to inflation. Why wouldn't you help your children, if they are responsible, hardworking adults, and it is within your means to do so?

I've put money aside since my DD's were young for this very reason. Hopefully they'll have a good sum to put towards a deposit.
We'll also be matching their pension contributions when they are older.
I can't say I'd consider paying for a wedding though.
It's probably over the top, but having grown up in poverty, I'd like to make sure they start off on a good footing.

I'd like to help with the few grand towards a wedding but personally I feel weddings machine is waste really.. I would rather then have fantastic honeymoon go round the world, get out and live

House prices are bloody insane right npw with parental contrubtion most people will be stuck in generational rent paying far more in rent then they would for morage payments so in effect you would be making your child poorier if you could easily help out but choose not too because they turned 18

I am saving when able so that I can help towards my dds living expenses if she goes to uni,I won't be able to help towards a mortgage as a single mum.
My exh is well off and pays no more than the minimum payment,refuses to even help with uniform etc.so no help from that direction.
However in the long term as a single child she will inherit everything,but not for as long as I can help it.

I also don't think it is normal to help your children out so much and I too question why our housing market is allowed to be so out of whack. I'm a LL both here in the US and in the U.K. and would like to see reform of the whole industry sector. Rental agents are absolutely awful. The deposit scheme is a nightmare. The ability to kick out awful tenants who disturb the neighbors and trash the home who mainly don't pay rent is far too cumbersome. At the same time tenants need continuity and should have the right to remain beyond the end of the lease with a reasonable increase in rent which reflects the increase in the costs the LL has.

I would love to be housing minister for 3 years to sort out the mess the UK is currently in.

I too question why our housing market is allowed to be so out of whack

I reckon it started with the sale of council housing stock, which marked the end of secure, affordable housing. Now it's all imploding. Look at the homelessness rates.

I got no help from my parents - they weren't in a position to help even if they wanted to. It was pretty easy to get on the housing ladder back then though (1995).

DH didn't get any help from his parents either (although they claim to have helped with a deposit by allowing him to keep the £2K that he inherited from his grandparents - three years after he bought his first home ). They did give us £1K as a wedding gift though.

DH's parents did get a fair amount of help from his Dad's family though (1960s).

We intend to help our DC with a deposit - even for them to have what we had (buy a two bed semi in early twenties, pay off student loans by 30, move up to a family home by 30) with no help will require quite a significant sum (unless they earn exceptionally well from a young age).

I think it's the free market. With the sale of social housing, far more of the housing stock is available to buy or rent on the free market rather than with controlled rents.

The sale of social housing certainly didn't help and once the stock is sold, it's difficult to get it back or to build up the stock again.

Here's a ridiculous example from someone I knew - they bought an ex council house for £70k. The person they bought it from had previously bought it from council under right to buy at £15k exactly 3 years before. As if that wasn't bad enough, my friend then lived in the house for about 4 years and then decided to sell....but guess who the buyer was....it was the council, who needed stock because they had too little left. And they paid £166k for it. So they received £15k for a property and then bought it back 7 years later for over £150k more! Crazy!

On a larger scale, tackling the housing shortage and the affordable housing shortage seems such a tricky task and so difficult when those who hold the stock want to make money from it and the government isn't committed to councils or government owning lots of stock due to ideology and even if it we're their ideology, the cost of increasing the stock would be astronomical. I don't see the issues resolving themselves anytime soon to be honest.

We have a plan to sell our 5 bedroom house, buy a three bedroom and split the 200k thus generated between our four. We aim to do it in 7 years time when eldest is 29 and youngest is off to uni. If eldest is desperate to get on the ladder before then we will use savings to help. I would hope my kids were late 20s before settling down with a mortgage though.

We are very fortunate to be able to do this and we never had a penny from our own parents, though we had lots of love and support.

We don’t earn much, DS is only 10 still but we intend to give deposit but not actually give...

Basically in the form of us putting 2nd mortgage and deposit in our name and he live there, he pays 3-5 years of rent to cover mortgage and then we remortgage and he gets back what he paid in rent for a deposit himself. Win - Win!

Mainly because we really struggled to buy until we were 35 so don’t want DS to have to go through that.

If you were Adkin this question 30 years ago, maybe people could say it's about independence. But you have to be wearing massive Daily Mail blinkers to not see that the goal post have been so dramatically moved that they have left the pitch. House prices in relation to salaries are off the scale, those who bought when they were cheaper are privileged compared to many left struggling to pay rents which exceed monthly mortgage payments, effectively locking them out of the housing market. It's not about personal responsibility and lack of ambition, it's now luck depending on when you were born.

Yep. And I count myself lucky to live in a city where some family homes can still be had for 100k. For now.

Speaking as someone whose parents didn't give financial help for a deposit, though they are fab in other ways, I'm very keenly aware of how bad for social mobility it is. I'm still not having my kids sacrificed on that altar, though. When I think about what a difference even 5 or 10k would have made for us, there's no way I wouldn't want to try and do that for mine given that we hopefully can.

I'll happily acknowledge that the housing situation in this country is toxic and will vote for any party that looks like they might actually fix it, even though that would mean me being worse off on paper as we do own a home. Definitely. That's a sacrifice worth making. What I won't do is not help my own children out when the time comes, if they need it. If others are getting it, mine won't be left behind. Yes, that's not fair. It's also going to be of bigger benefit to them than struggling for the sake of it. I've had to, and it's not done me any good.

A friends daughter boyfriend mum has recently sold her house and is giving her son £100,000 as a deposit
On the condition that she can move in and live with them
the deposit is not being protected either
The mum has been on income support for years and is planning on transferring her claim to the new city

I mentioned to my friend that the mum might not be able to claim any benefits for years as it would be seen as deliberate deprivation of capital giving away £100,000 to her son .

But My friend said she couldnt care less as long as her daughter gets on the housing ladder and she is glad that the deposit isn't being protected as if they split up her daughter will walk away with tidy profit

Made me look at my friend in a totally different way and if I knew how to contact the sons mum I bloody well would and warn her

I nearly had enough for a deposit and my dad could have lent me an extra 5000 to help me get on but he just said " no one can afford to buy nowadays. " and wouldn't help.
He inherited about 400, 000 from his mum so it's hard not to feel bitter.

I got given half my deposit and saved the other half, through some serious tight fisted ness with student loans and then my salary. My grandmother had saved me about £30 per month since I was born - she gave it to me when I turned 19 and was off to uni. I saved on top of it til I could afford a deposit.

I agree that some people forget how to scrimp - some colleagues and friends (variety of solid professional jobs) go on extravagant holidays and buy cocktails out and go to gigs and concerts regularly. I did none of those things. I still don't, primarily because I'm naturally pretty nervous regarding money and want a solid safety net. In those instances I understand why giving money seems like a mistake. I also don't expect parents to scrimp to give to their children.

If my parents had had money to give them they would have - instead I could stay rent free in uni holidays and they help me with DIY and gardening. That (combined with thrifty material sourcing) will mean I have replaced the kitchen (inc appliances), fitted a new shower and got a natural slate patio for £2k all in! So it's a huge advantage for me, just in a different way.

I won't be expected to pay back the relatives that gave me money - but I will hope to pay it forward - to my children to help them out, by saving regularly for them.

My family's support doesn't mean I'm spoilt or ungrateful - I have different skill sets and help them out wherever I can.

Amongst my friends most have been given a bit of help (5k for some, 10k others and some will get a really big chunk) either through inheriting from a more distant relative or from their parents. However I'm very aware this isn't the "norm" and I and ju friends are very privileged.

We have a flat in London that will go to our two children when they are 21. We have savings to help with university. I think it depends on what you can afford - it'll be different from person to person.

My DD had her wedding planned and they were house hunting when my DH died suddenly. He left me well provided for so loaning them the deposit felt the right thing to do. I know my DD dad would have been thrilled I did as it was almost a way of making up for not being there to walk her down the aisle and of course a home lasts a lot longer than a wedding. I have money put aside for our youngest DD if she also decides to buy her own home. At the moment she is at uni and having a ball.

Our other DC had already flown the nest when my DH passed away so they were given a 'gift' from me from dad.

Why shouldn't you help if you have the money, its not entitlement, but common sense?

DH and I had no money given from parents, though mine did help pay for wedding, but we both bought young (80s, so possible then) and have been mortgage free for a while.

We were already saving for DC when they got an unexpected inheritence 2yrs ago. So they now have a good deposit, if they are sensible with it (which initial signs are they will be, DS now 19, DD17.5)

However, we have a large amount of savings ourselves, some from a modest inheritance from my mum, some from recent endowments and share windfalls, most from us working hard, not wasting money and being prudent.

Whilst the kids now don't need help with deposit, we will still look at giving them a lump sum in their 20s, to bring down what we have and save eventual IHT. I would probaby have passed mums inheritance straight to them, into their ISAs, but they have their own inheritances to cover the annual allowance at present.

Neither DC are entitled. DS has fee and minimum maintenance loans from uni (DD may not go so we decided not to pay out upfront, but if she does go, we may clear both loans with what we eventually give them). We do give him an allowance - this year we wanted to give him an increase, he told us he didn't need it, could easily manage on last years amount, plus had earnings from job he had in spring/summer! We compromised on a small increase. I see it as passing some of our money on now, rather than when we are dead.

Similarly we bought him a small car when he passed, it enabled him to get to his 6th form job, will do same for DD who is now learning. We can and want to so why not? If they were both demanding cars of a certain type/cost, then maybe we would think again but they are not. DS was very grateful and it helped us out enormously, as we were looking after my sick mum who lived 70miles away at weekends, so taking him to/from his work 11miles in opposite direction was hard.

the catch was it was next door to their parents.

That would be an absolute dream come true for me! But I'm REALLY close to my Mum.