Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

271 replies

splendidisolation · 29/09/2017 10:29

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

OP posts:
Lanaorana2 · 29/09/2017 11:20

It's the New Normal. Over 80 per cent of property buyers get family help.

Very bad news for social mobility.

My parents are an odd one - they could have helped and didn't want to. Dgrandparents mostly paid for their house. I'm stuck renting, which to date has cost me 450k in hard-earned cash I won't see again. No pension or savings thanks to that. Sibling emigrated to buy.

mindutopia · 29/09/2017 11:20

I think it's quite common in certain circles. Certainly, among our friends (we're in our 30s) a lot of them got money from their parents. I think unless you are in a position to live at home in your 20s and save up (not possible if your professional life means you need to live elsewhere), it can be difficult to save up that sort of money unless you have some massive salary. But these friends I'm thinking of all have quite well off parents - not like yacht in Monaco sort of well off, but solidly middle class and very comfortable.

We did get some money to put into our deposit, but it was inheritance - a small amount of money left to my husband by his grandfather when he died and then some money my dad left to me when he died (at 18, I've been saving it and investing it for years now). We've invested that wisely over time and should be quite comfortable when we are ready to buy. My mum and stepdad would also like to give us a bit of money towards the house, but that's more so that we can afford to buy something with a granny annex for them. They live overseas and would like to have a base here in the UK when they are here visiting grandkids. So it's more of an investment on their part rather than buying a separate property or renting a place. So I guess that counts as giving us money towards a deposit? But anyway, I would say, yes, in certain circles, it is quite typical, but these are people who have the money to give and are quite comfortable.

Viviennemary · 29/09/2017 11:21

What I mean I suppose is that say if parents have had an inheritance from their parents then they could pass some of that on to their DC's as deposit for a house. I certainly don't mean people should forego holidays and suchlike to give a deposit.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 11:22

Franklin77
what a sad and negative view of the world! I couldn't disagree more. You are not getting everything handed out on a plate because someone helped you! I think there's more bitterness in people who do not get help, they end up being so resentful.

It's also hypocritical, some parents indeed cannot afford to give a few thousands, but are babysitting at least part-time, and helping out in other ways. Is someone spoil because they don't have to pay for childcare, but can afford to go back to work, so there are 2 salaries to pay the mortgage? I don't think so.

Struggle for the sake of struggling is stupid. When do you start? stop paying for holidays for the little ones? Only give them basic rations and expect them to fend for themselves for the rest?

Even if someone gives you the deposit, prices are so high in London that the mortgage will wipe out most of your income anyway, it doesn't mean you will have a luxury lifestyle unfortunately.

sukitea · 29/09/2017 11:23

I'm very proud of the fact that DH and I have been able to save so much. Today we own two homes that we purchased for $3 million putting down 35% deposits on each of them when we purchased

So you worked FT, studied and had dc all at the same time whilst saving $4.2 million? Please tell us where we are all going wrong.

purplecollar · 29/09/2017 11:25

I will try to if I can. I'm not fussy about what size of home I live in as I get older. It definitely helped friends of mine back in the nineties. They were able to get on the property ladder ten years before us and during that time prices rose substantially.

I will also try and steer dc into vocational courses. My friend's ds is in his thirties, having done an arts degree, and has found no well paid, permanent job as of yet. She has put a deposit on a flat for him and now struggles financially herself.

ArcheryAnnie · 29/09/2017 11:25

Whether it's normal or not, I am never going to do it as I will never have that kind of money to give away. Wish I did, but I don't.

MrsJayy · 29/09/2017 11:25

We can't afford a deposit for a house I know it seems the norm but i think in reality it is a minority that do

IrregularCommentary · 29/09/2017 11:26

"We're saving our child benefit into a separate account, so will hopefully have around £20k to give dd when she needs it for a house. It's not costing us anything as such that way, so we can afford it."

Wow! Great to know that those of us without kids and without wealthy parents are scrimping to find deposits whilst shelling out tax for the next generation of elite to be able to buy their own places! 

^^
Oh, fuck off. You asked the question, I was merely answering it.

I have no savings, we can't afford to go on holiday and I drive an 11yr old car. We're hardly rolling in excess cash.

So what if I choose to try and give my dd a helping hand when she'll most need it. It'll be her tax that goes towards supporting you and the rest of us in our old age. Hopefully she's a bit more gracious about it.

DeepfriedPizza · 29/09/2017 11:29

My Mum kicked me and my sister out when we were still at college and we had to buy a place with a 100% mortgage (no deposit for renting)
My mum was an alcoholic and she apparently couldn't live with us anymore.
We got no help from my parents.

Once she'd joined AA etc I got given some money for my wedding (not a lot)

I am quite proud that I now live in a nice house with no help from my parents unlike a lot of my friends who constantly ask theirs for handouts.

If my DD was struggling I would help her out but wouldn't set her expectations of she would get money from me.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 11:29

Great to know that those of us without kids and without wealthy parents are scrimping to find deposits whilst shelling out tax for the next generation of elite to be able to buy their own places!

Well some of us don't even get child benefit, but don't get a discount in tax either. Hmm Kids still need to eat and have a roof over their head!
The real elite doesn't need a deposit anyway, some lucky souls get gifted a full house with all the trimmings.

Ragwort · 29/09/2017 11:30

When people say 'if they can afford it', what does that really mean?

Tend to agree with Vivienne in that we may (no definite about it Grin) pass on to our DS money which we have been fortunate enough to inherit that we don't particularly need. We have paid off our mortgage and have long term savings plans for pensions etc but that is obviously for our retirement. I am nearly 60 and my parents are still alive & may leave us a relatively substantial sum (they talk about it quite openly) - the likelihood is that we will not 'need' all the money ourselves so some (not all) might be passed on in the form of a deposit. Or my parents may choose to leave something direct to all their grandchildren which could be a deposit.

Gramgram · 29/09/2017 11:31

Neither my parents or in-laws helped us buy our house and we didn't expect them to. My parents did pay for my wedding though, it was a lovely day, and I enjoyed it. However because they paid for it, it was a much bigger affair than I would have personally liked. A lot of their friends came, which was nice as my parents saw it as a way of thanking them for their help when my DM was recovering from cancer. When my DF died 4 years ago I did inherit along with DB a large sum.

We also paid for our DD's wedding, and didn't help with any house deposit. They saved up for that. They also had control over who was invited to their wedding too. DD's new in-laws paid for their hpneymoon. My DC will inherit anything that is left when we shuffle off, if there is anything left.

I think it is lovely if you are in a position to help, but it shouldn't be expected. No one should feel guilty if they can't help their DC financially.

Chewbecca · 29/09/2017 11:32

vivienne good point, I think an inheritance probably is a very good example of money I would consider giving.

KityGlitr · 29/09/2017 11:33

Only in wealthy circles I think. In my circle, nobody has managed to get a mortgage without some kind of help from their parents, whether gift of cash or allowing the kid to stay at their parents home rent free so they were able to save themselves. But many people are completely incapable of buying. It's not seen as an inevitable outcome for my circle, just something for the lucky few. My parents aren't poor but I'd never dream of accepting money from them for something that's my responsibility. Not that they'd offer. It's never even been in question. So no, I'd say that in all but wealthy or upper middle class circles it's not normal.

It does seem bizarre to me that an adult would accept money from their parents. Unless it was agreed as a loan to be paid back.

BadgersBum · 29/09/2017 11:34

Oh yes Irregular you should feel ashamed of putting that massive £20 a week into a savings account instead of spending it on fags, wine, a more expensive phone contract or some other pointless tat that other parents might spend it on. I live in a tiny house, drive an ancient car and watch Freeview telly, but we also put £50 a month into a savings account for our DS, should I stop doing this as the money might technically include the Child Benefit?

Gaggleofgirls · 29/09/2017 11:35

We've had no help, but that's why we're still renting. It sucks because we are perpetually saving. I resent it more however as between both of us we have three brothers and a sister that have had their homes/weddings paid for.
For this reason though we've decided to continue to save and put money into our girls accounts so we can then match what they save.
I think it's important they have to save and learn the value of that but at the same time I don't want them to have it as hard as us.

coddiwomple · 29/09/2017 11:36

It does seem bizarre to me that an adult would accept money from their parents

Do you refuse any gift whatsoever from your parents or grand-parents by the time you reach 18? No more birthday or Christmas presents, no more invitation for diner, or holiday invitation because you are an adult?

drinkswineoutofamug · 29/09/2017 11:38

My inlaws paid the deposit for our house. My fil had been made redundant and had a rather large redundancy package. X amount was split between OH,sil,bil. Back then it was £1500 . My parents paid the solicitors fees. If they hadn't we wouldn't of got on the property ladder .
Ourselves have just paid and helped our youngest daughter with her first rented flat. She had relationship problems and needed out so we paid the deposit on the flat , I paid for some 2nd hand furniture. If we didn't she would be stuck in an unhealthy controlling relationship.
When the time comes we will do the same with our son. Help him on his feet. We did help the middle daughter when she first got her flat, but she was evicted for being a dick and ended up back here 😒 she won't get help 2nd time round.

IrregularCommentary · 29/09/2017 11:38

@Badgersbum Quite!

5rivers7hills · 29/09/2017 11:39

So you worked FT, studied and had dc all at the same time whilst saving $4.2 million? Please tell us where we are all going wrong.

:-)

purplecollar · 29/09/2017 11:39

When people say 'if they can afford it', what does that really mean?

It means we have no idea if we'll have work in the fifteen years up to being eligible for state pension. We are around 50 and work is extremely hard to get at the moment. I'm not anticipating it getting any easier in the near future. If we can't find work we will be struggling ourselves. If on the other hand we are employed, we will be able to save money for them, pay off mortgage, save for pension.

averythinline · 29/09/2017 11:40

DS will get help with a deposit if we can afford it (the chances are it will be inheritance funded due to our family ages)

  • We bought in the days where you could get mortgages much easier so I think it was less common then...he will still have to work/manage a mortgage etc and I am very aware how lucky he will be compared to some of his peers if we can help as the financial market has changed so much....as we didn't have a bean growing up...

but in many cultures people are bought houses by the family or live in houses owned by the extended family - a number of people I work with have never had a mortgage etc as were given houses as their wedding present and therefore save that money for their own children... these are not flashy/show off or middle class people its just their culture and they will buy their children houses on their weddings ...if your not married you live at home with your parents..

CbeebiesAddict · 29/09/2017 11:40

We are determined to save up £20-30k for our DS by the time he is early to mid twenties for a house deposit. However we don't have any other children to save for. We have really struggled to get on the housing ladder and I don't want him to.

Florence16 · 29/09/2017 11:40

If mine had the money they would, but I was one of three and Mum is a single parent. Instead we lived with her rent free which helped us save.

Swipe left for the next trending thread