Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

[splendidisolation]

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

It discourages saving and sacrifice, ruins self reliance, perpetuates the idea that life is handed to you on a plate, and ingrains them in this bizarre belief about "getting on the property ladder".

How does it discourage saving and sacrifice? Most people I know saved up as well as some additional BOMD cash.

I didn't get any help from my parents but wish I did

We will help our DC - it will be part of their inheritance and hopefully we will live long enough beyond that, that it won't fall under IH rules

We currently save up money each month for them - when they are older and working if they are living at home I will charge them "rent" and add that to the money in the savings account - this is for their deposit / uni not to fund holidays / weddings

ExH will be helping dcs in a big way as that was in our financial settlement. However there will be no contribution towards a wedding.

It does seem bizarre to me that an adult would accept money from their parents

It seems bizarre to me that families stop operating as such as soon as the child turns 18. In my world, parents and children help each other. My DPs helped myself and DH on the housing ladder, we have helped both our sets of parents in turn. His DPs can't afford cash gifts but give free childcare to his DSis (we live too far away). And we will help our kids in turn. It all comes around.

"coddiwomple

It does seem bizarre to me that an adult would accept money from their parents

Do you refuse any gift whatsoever from your parents or grand-parents by the time you reach 18? No more birthday or Christmas presents, no more invitation for diner, or holiday invitation because you are an adult?"

No I don't refuse, but it's reciprocal. Since being an adult I have had modest Christmas and birthday presents (never given money) from my dad and have given the same back. Usually when we go out for dinner he'll try to pay but on some occasions I'm able to sneak to the waiter and pay first before he's able to. Though I do see treating me to a meal as a bit different from handing over tens of thousands of pounds.

The thing is that it's hard to get on property ladder.or if you have to pay expensive rent you'll find it hard to save money for a deposit to buy so it's a vicious circle

People do help their kids out and if they don't have spare cash (most don't ) them they will sell their own family home and downsize in order to give cash towards deposit

It's just another illustration of how the Mumsnet demographic is much wealthier than the UK average. There are many more people who can afford to give their DCs house deposits on here than the UK in general. Same for letting working adult DCs live in the family home rent free or funding them through university.

We didn't get any help from our parents when we bought because DPs family didn't have 2 pennies to rub together and mine not much better off plus a culture very much 'stand on your own two feet'.

Our families are slightly better off now, but by no means rich and income in both cases are well below the UK average although both live in mortgage free houses worth £100-150k so comfortable, but that's mostly due to frugal lifestyle. More a case than not wanting very much rather than having plenty of money.

Not here.

My 'D'P could have afforded it (they own 3 houses) but chose not to. As they had been given their deposit by their DP...and had their wedding, honeymoon, car bought for them and received a hefty inheritance, it really rankles.

They came to our wedding and didn't give us so much as a card.

There is no normal but plenty of parents do help their adult children financially and I personally don't think that automatically makes them "the elite". For one parent that could be preferring to save child benefit and tighten their belt elsewhere, for another that might be £5000 towards a deposit. Yet another might have 50k to contribute.

My parents had 5 of us and money was very tight as we grew up. Working class parents, dad in unskilled job, my mother was a sahm until we were all at school and then worked part time. However an inheritance they received when we were mid to late teens meant they were able to help each of us get on the housing ladder as and when we got to that stage. They didn't pay the deposit, the inheritance wasn't that big (Celtic tiger years, Dublin) but they gave us a sum to add to money we had already saved towards house deposits. DH and I certainly hope to do the same for ours as I think their lives will be tougher than our generation, though in different ways.

Great to know that those of us without kids and without wealthy parents are scrimping to find deposits whilst shelling out tax for the next generation of elite to be able to buy their own places!

^ Of course this is what your thread is really about, you weren't really wondering about what was normal were you? It seems you make massive assumptions born out of jealousy and resentment.

I dont know anybody who has been given money for a deposit or anything so this is strange to me. I would never expect to be helped by parents unless in an emergency my parents worked for everything they have with no help so i expect they think children should do the same

"Today 11:42 27Feb

It does seem bizarre to me that an adult would accept money from their parents

It seems bizarre to me that families stop operating as such as soon as the child turns 18. In my world, parents and children help each other. My DPs helped myself and DH on the housing ladder, we have helped both our sets of parents in turn. His DPs can't afford cash gifts but give free childcare to his DSis (we live too far away). And we will help our kids in turn. It all comes around."

Family isn't just about money though. It's about caring for each other, love, sharing. Helping one another out sure, but I see it as reciprocal. And I don't see many people who are given cash for deposits giving it back. If they take it as a loan and pay it back then fair play, can't argue with that!

I do think it's a cultural thing though. Both on a societal level and an individual family level. My family always prized independence so it was a case of moving out and standing on your own two feet from 18-19, I never spent a night at my parents house again as i built my own life. I know some families prize reliance on one another, many friends of mine from Asian communities have that attitude of helping each other out well into adulthood. It wouldn't be for me.

Banking for 12 years before stopping to have kids and it is pretty normal to find new buyers to the market have had some monetary help if not it all from parents or family, especially in my latter years.

I hope I’m fortunate enough to be able to help my kids too but we shall see.

My parents were the first in the family to even think of buying a house. They eventually managed to do so in their 40s, with the help of a loan from a family member for the deposit.

When my DH and I bought our first flat, we were late 20s and had no help from parents as they were still paying off mortgages themselves. We really struggled when the interest rate shot up to 15%.

When my parents died, I received half the proceeds of the sale as my inheritance. I gave half of that to my 3 children so they could afford deposits. London prices. If I hadn't done this 10 years ago, they would never be able to buy now, even with help from me.

They all work in the public services, 5 year pay freeze, and would probably have to move out of London, away from me, even to be able to afford to rent. We all benefit from what I think of as family money, the result of my parents' hard work and pretty hard times, too, while I was a teenager growing up in that first house.

If I could afford it, there would be nothing I wouldn't do for my children.

Why would I sit with a nest egg and watch them struggle?

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it but I'd always try and give them a token even if it was a couple of hundred pounds.

I received a loan from my parents to buy my first house which was paid back pretty much immediately. We won't inherit much or anything from either set of parents (would rather they spent it on themselves anyway).
Dh and I will be helping our children with sizeable deposits once they look to buy their first property. It is also tax efficient to gift your children money each year if you can afford it. My DC will receive the same amount of money regardless of whether one is the higher earner or not.

I'd rather give it to a worthwhile purchase whilst I'm young enough to not die within seven years etc than it be assessed for me to pay for my own care.

What is the point of hoarding money whilst your children (or other family struggle), even when they are working full time.

Jump on my first statement all you want. I was denied PIP for a whole year. I've just been awarded it, even though I'm better than last year. My DD, 19 with LDs is having to fund her level 2 course out of her PIP because it isn't a Government approved Course. The reason it's taken her so long to get on it is her LDs. Yet it's Catering which once she passes it, she will be employable. So quite frankly the Government Coffers can get to fuck.

I also think that it's a strange and sad attitude to have that your child is on their own, once they are an Adult. But there are a disproportionate amount of toxic and dysfunctional families on here.

@CocoPuffsinGodMode

Damn right im resentful! Why wouldn't I be! This means its a complete fucking lottery from birth, worse than in education.
It means house prices and deposit demands are hugely inflated because people can afford shit loads more than what they really could if they were doing it off their own backs.
Its one of the biggest threats to social mobility there is.

And yes I do think theres something wrong about contributing to thay reversal of social mobility via child benefits, because those benefits are meant to be there to help you feed and clothe your child. Who cares if you go without holidays because you choose to save it?
The fact is you're taking the benefits with one hand, and then taking again with the other, by giving your kid a leg up the property ladder that forces the ladder even higher for those without the help.

It does seem bizarre to me that an adult would accept money from their parents

My parents genuinely enjoy giving their money away now, and seeing their children and grandchildren appreciate the benefts. They are fortunate in that they bought their house many, many years ago (interest rates 16% at the time though) and have clearly benefitted from the increase in house prices; they are also the generation that gets really good pensions. (Middle management type jobs, not Bankers/Lawyers etc). Their lifestyle is very comfortable - own home, two cars, holidays etc but they still have plenty left over - they do give a lot to charity and are the sort of pensioners that always give their fuel allowance away and argue at the GP that they would like to pay for their prescriptions .

They would be the first to admit they are very, very lucky and I am equally fortunate to have such generous parents - so in turn, I would like to be able to be generous towards my DS.

we put money into savings accounts for both DCs and their godparents also add into that for birthdays. We also own a flat we rent out which should be paid off by then and we can always draw down on that to help them with a deposit. I think there is a balanced way to help your children get on the property ladder once they have a good and stable enough job to get a mortgage without it being a huge handout and encourage lazy feckless ways.

Nope, didn't get a sausage. I paid my own way through Uni, renting, deposit and first house. If someone's lucky enough to get help with buying their first house then they are just that - lucky.

However I do confess to a slight frustration when I hear friend's children (now in their early 20s) complaining that they can't afford to buy, when in a significant number of cases what they actually mean is that they cannot afford to buy what they want. My first house was a 1 bed back to back terrace in an OK street in a meh area, because it was what I could afford. I sympathise very much with those in the SE because housing prices there are utterly bonkers. But I have a friend further up North who is currently debating with her DD and her partner, because they are insisting they cannot afford to buy - a new build 3 bed town house with en-suite. Whereas they can afford a 2 bed through terrace with one bathroom!!

A friend of the family gave us our deposit. She doesn’t have any children or grandchildren of her own and she said she would have left it to us in her will anyway so she would rather see us with a house now rather than waiting. Incredibly kind thing to do and we are hugely grateful

I think it depends on circumstances. We could not do anything for the first, but my DDs wealthy in laws gave them help with a deposit.

I helped the second when he separated by going halves on a flat with him. This was an investment, but as things have turned out, I have been able to tell him I don't need the money back.

The youngest one was given the deposit and some extra, again because of his circumstances,

Over the years I have helped them financially in various ways because they are good kids, always careful with their money and very supportive of us and siblings. They have never asked for money. I think I help them mainly because, we were very poor when they were children. I have enough for care home fees and don't want them to wait until we are gone before they benefit from our money.

Family isn't just about money though. It's about caring for each other, love, sharing. Helping one another out sure, but I see it as reciprocal. And I don't see many people who are given cash for deposits giving it back

kity no one has suggested family is just about money though have they? Do you think financial help and love and sharing are mutually exclusive? Families provide support to each other in many ways, you don't have to just select one and that's that.

As regards paying it back I know fine well my parents would be offended if we tried, they refused to allow it be a loan, it was a gift. They know that we still appreciate that they did this for us.

Plus as they are getting older I know they are very glad the money they gave me helped me stay in Dublin and not have to buy miles away as plenty of others did. We are around to offer lifts, help with shopping, sort things that might come up in their house and they get to see their gc regularly.