Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

[splendidisolation]

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

sukitea Well Id say it started by paying attention in maths class and learning that 35% of $3 million is $1.05 million. I have no idea where you got $4.2 million from!

Helping one another out sure, but I see it as reciprocal. And I don't see many people who are given cash for deposits giving it back.

god, what a horrible way to see it! Do you mean you actually count pennies, to make sure one doesn't give more than the other? I refuse to raise my children that way! From toddler hood, I refuse to hear that one had more chocolate or one more biscuits than the other, what a depressing way to live.

Yes, of course it's reciprocal, but it's a general thing. So if one of your parents get sick and is bed ridden for a few weeks, you expect the same amount of childcare than you have been helping in their house?

The lesson is to graciously accept help when you need it, and help others when you can. I am more than happy to pay for my kids deposit (I would pay for the whole place if I could), but I know they will help their siblings (or us) if needed. People are much better off when they have help, and can concentrate on their studies and filling their CVs with interesting and relevant things than having to do crappy jobs to survive.

I am sorry, but in real life, when presented with 2 identical CVs with one doing part-time work at McDonalds, and the other doing (unpaid) work experience in the relevant industry, the company choose the latter because the experience is relevant. I have seen it countless time when recruiting graduates.

My own kids do what they want, but I would be upset if they preferred to stay in a hotel when they come and visit! I still spend nights a my parents when we go there with the kids, they are delighted to see us.

You can be independent and very successful but have a close bond with your family. I don't even expect my kids to live in the same country than us, but I would still help them

My parents didn't, neither did they help me financially when I became a single parent and really struggled. I never did get on the property ladder. I don't think my parents not giving me any financial assistance helped me
to stand on my own two feet, just meant I got into lots of debt and went through very stressful periods of my life. My parents are very well off.

If I could help DD, I would. I think a deposit for a house and assistance if they are struggling financially with kids is what a parent should do, if it's within their means. A wedding, not so much, I think if people want to get married, they should do so within their means. If their parents want to help, then great.

Quite a few of my friends have been helped out with buying a house and they don't come across as entitled at all. They all work hard and don't get frequent hand outs.

I don't understand the mentality that once you are 18 then any help from parents means you are a failure of some sort. If I can help my kids when they are older then I will, be that money toward a deposit (which will depend entirely on what I have), a good parcel or a lift to the airport for a holiday. It's family and family, imo, muck in and help each other.

I certainly dont understand people, like someone I know, who has 15-20k put aside for her daughters ptential future wedding, but thinks anyone gifting money toward buying s house is teaching financial irresponsibility! I know what I'd rather help my child achieve out of one day or a house!

I couldn't afford a full deposit but gave them £5000 each. We have 5dc and that pretty much cleaned us out!

*food parcel

There is a very wide range of 'normal'.

For us, DHs parents lent us a top up for our deposit. It was very clear throughout that this was a loan, to be paid back by standing order at an agreed amount every month without fail. They have then gone on to do the same for his siblings. This enabled us to buy at 21 and 24, whereas otherwise we would have had years of renting and saving. It's hugely improved our quality of life and enabled us to climb the ladder more quickly and we are very grateful for it.

My parents gave/lent me nothing for a deposit (or to support my education, in fact barely fed and clothed me throughout childhood). That is their normal.

My DS is 7 months old and we are already saving a regular amount each month for him, because we can and we want to. I think a good parent does everything they can to help their children, that may be giving them money, lending it or not, as the case may be.

We also made sacrifices such as living in a 2 bed unit in our first home and our 3DC sharing one room that was small. Our first home was a two family home so was comprised of two flats. Our current home is a 3 family home and for now our DC are in one room but it's huge.

I'm no economics expert but I think there is plenty food for thought on this thread to partially explain why property prices are being perennially driven above an attainable level for many young people. That is to say, the inherited wealth or parental handouts/loans some of their peers benefit from, bearing in mind it's natural for parents to want to help out their children if they can and it's what they want to do.
As others have said, the consequences for social mobility are disheartening.

Want2bSupermum - two houses at £3m. So 35% of £6m in total.

Either way, mind boggling sums!

Neither my own or DH parents will help with a house deposit, and we don't expect them to.

They did pay for somethings for our wedding - photographer and dress.

We have already been putting money aside to put money away for ours daughters wedding and house deposit. She is only 3 at the moment so we have quite a while before it is required.

If she decided not to get married/ buy a house then we will discuss that when the time comes, then she can use it for whatever she wants - travelling etc.

My in laws gave us half the deposit we needed for our shared ownership house. They had also given us some money in a savings account when we got married 15 years before and we had kept that and added to it to make the other half.

My mum said she would also chip in which meant we could have bought a bigger share but this never materialised. She didn't send us a new home card or any kind of acknowledgement when we moved in either. It is strange as we are close and she helps look after DS. Maybe she was embarrassed about her change of heart (she did her own house up instead for a 6 figure sum). I wish she had just said at the beginning she wasn't going to. I'd rather have known and then have some moral support from her instead - I had no previous expectation of financial help and we managed ok but it has added an odd note. I honestly would have preferred a card and for her to say she was proud of us for our hard work.

I was given 5k by my parents and 2k from my grandad. Husband's parents didn't give anything. Deposit was around 37k I think. I hope I'll be able to help my children, but there's no way I'd give them a whole deposit. I think it's a good life thing to learn to sacrifice and save for what you want.

keepingonrunning I'd be more concerned about lack of house building and people buying property as investment rather than a place to live when considering the housing crisis.

"Today 11:57 coddiwomple

Helping one another out sure, but I see it as reciprocal. And I don't see many people who are given cash for deposits giving it back.

god, what a horrible way to see it! Do you mean you actually count pennies, to make sure one doesn't give more than the other? I refuse to raise my children that way! From toddler hood, I refuse to hear that one had more chocolate or one more biscuits than the other, what a depressing way to live. "

Actually coddi if you see my other posts you'll see that's exactly the opposite of what I think: I just replied to a poster who thought it was awful to give one child less money than another by saying that I completely disagree: nobody is entitled to anything from their parents and to be annoyed that your sibling has been given more money than you implies you have a right to their cash in the first place and shows a lack of gratitude for what they HAVE given you, regardless of what they've given anyone else.

These types of threads will always boil down to the two types of people, largely shaped by their upbringing: person one, who believes parents should help their kids and it's wrong not to, and person two who doesn't expect it/wouldn't accept it as they value their independence more greatly than handouts or continuing to rely on parents into grown adulthood. And there's very little middle ground in my exprience. To person one it's alien to imagine kids having to support themselves or stand on their own two feet as adults if they can help them financially, and to person two it's a bizarre concept that you'd ever take money from the people that raised you once you're an adult as the responsibility to support yourself is yours.

I don't care what others do but i do see a lot of entitlement around and people who expect a leg up from their parents rather than realising that it's unusual and a privileged position to be in. I know people who have always assumed since being old enough to consider it that their parents will get them on the property ladder. I've become a very independent And driven hard worker through relying on myself as an adult (not saying that some people who get handouts can't be that way too) and I wouldn't swap that for being given money by family. I have/had fantastic parents who raised me well, for all they have done/did for me in my life I would never dream of expecting them to continue supporting me financially. It takes the piss and is a bit grabby imo. I would feel ashamed accepting a large sum from my existing parent, I recognise not everyone has an issue with it.

sukitea Well Id say it started by paying attention in maths class and learning that 35% of $3 million is $1.05 million. I have no idea where you got $4.2 million from!

Maybe pay attention to the post? TWO properties at 3 million= approx 4.2 million if 35% deposit on each.

I think it's pretty normal if parents can actually afford to help comfortably.

If we could afford to I would help my children, why wouldn't you? I don't think it is an expected thing but why wouldn't you make your children's lives simpler if you can afford to?

We are in our mid to late thirties and yes we've being helped. I was pregnant in my late twenties, had a very good professional job but we were renting and my husband's mother felt strongly that we needed the stability of our own place. My husband had an inheritance from his grandparents that was released when he was 25 and his Mum doubled that, my own Mum added to it and we had a 50% deposit. However, we live in an expensive part of the south east so that coupled with my good salary allowed us to buy a flat. It was the norm in my husbands family- my mother in law was given a substantial deposit for her house in the 70's. My husband's grandparents set aside money for professional education. In his case the very expensive process of becoming an Architect. I was pregnant when he was studying for his last exams, in that sense it really helped.

If I could afford it I definitely would, basically I'd just give them as much as I had. My dad paid the deposit on my house, but that was so very long ago, it was in fact ... £2,500!! So its all relative, I mean now even if I gave them £10k each it wouldn't help that much but I'd still want to contribute.

Course if I am not in that position then its just tough.

we got a small help from PIL with first house but had a reasonable deposit.
A inheritance helped pay some of that off and add value. House doubled in value so bought a bigger house. An inheritance will almost mean we are mortgage free in a year or two.

Frankly it doesn't seem fair to those without the family to help them, but I suppose it's the way life goes.

No two houses bought for $3 million in total. We put down a 35% deposit which is $1.05 million.

My father helped my brother and my sister. Ironically DH and I don't have any issue with this but my siblings do. My dad is also paying my nephews school fees. Our DC go to the local public schools. Both DH and I were a little surprised by that. My dad mentioned it to us because he wants us to step in and pay should he pass. I think it's a case of my sister feeling less than so needing to prove by spending above what they can afford.

to be honest, most of our friends had received either money from parents or inheritances for their housing - in fact the role of inheritance in the housing market must be significant.

We knew a couple who didnt have two pennies to rub together who suddenly jumped a couple of rungs up the property ladder - hello dear departed aunty.

Well my parents gave two of my siblings tens of thousands to buy houses, and will buy my youngest sibling a flat outright or with a tiny mortgage.

Would anyone like to guess how much they gave me, as the eldest? Anyone?

thicko zero

I don't think though that we can say "my parents didn't help therefore we don't need to" as the price of houses (round here) has gone up more than salary so it's not really equivalent.

Having said that, I talked to a lovely couple once who'd bought their first house for £100 and had to raise £20 deposit, which their parents had given them (in the 1930s I'd guess) as that was a huge amount and their parents thought that house prices were going to go up and if they didn't move soon, they'd never be able to afford it.
My parents gave us money for a deposit in 2002 for the same reason.