Is it normal for parents to give kids deposit?

[splendidisolation]

Just wondering what's "normal".

Re parents giving adult kids money for deposit on a house.

I read this a lot on MN and it kind of surprised me.

Is this the norm?

Do they give all the deposit?

Even if they're not minted?

Your experiences/thoughts please!

My sister and I were both given a deposit.

My husband was lent one, but being a little older his property was waaaaay cheaper, so 10% was like £7k or something and paid back very quickly.

Guess it totally depends on individual financial circumstances; we had a child late in life (40s), we only have one child, we have paid off our mortgage, we have been fortunate to receive modest inheritances from relations so yes, we would probably be in a financial position to give our DS a deposit ............... as others have said I would far, far rather give him money towards a house than a wedding or a car.

But I would expect him to show some financial prudence before just handing over a large sum of cash.

I bought a flat for £45,000 in the 90s (those were the days!) and my father gave me the 10% deposit. But that was on the only help I ever received from him. He didn't give me anything when I was at uni, I had to rely on my grant (gosh they were really the days) and any work I could pick up.

But that was all I really needed. Once you're on the ladder, you are generally set up. You might not be able to trade up to the ideal house, but you're not homeless or having to rent.

I should add, the main reason my DH and I will keep working is to be able to help our children. Once our own house is paid off, and we have enough to live , have a few luxuries like holidays etc, what's the point of earning more if not helping out our children? They are the reason why we work bloody hard. If gifting them money was heavily taxed and no longer viable, frankly we would just jet off around the word every holiday and splash out. I am saving money for the kids, not to pay tax.

It seems normal amongst a certain demographic. Certainly not normal amongst the people I know.

The ones I do know are either very wealthy or have parents or grandparents who have died and left money.

As I said upthread I've found this too - most people (including me) got money from their parents that was actually from their grandparents, if that makes sense. My parents are pretty well off but they didn't just have two house deposits (for me and my brother) lying about. They could afford to do without my dad's inheritance, though.

I feel financial and personal responsibility kicks in at 18.

for the average person on an average wage being left to their own devices at 18 will mean they can never buy a house. ratio of prices:wages is completely different from 20 years ago.

Nothing my from my folks but planning a long term saving plan for DD, she can use it for Uni or a towards a deposit

I don't have parents in this position. If I ever manage to get onto the housing ladder and then have children. I would definitely help with a deposit. I would rather they pay towards their own mortgage as opposed to renting/paying someone else's mortgage. Even if it ended up being in my name.

My parents did, they gave me 10k when I bought my first house. I'm an only child though if that makes a difference.

I think if you're in the position that your parents can hand over thousands of pounds for nothing, you're massively privileged.

I come from a deprived area. If food banks where a thing wed have used them along with our neighbours. Tax credits didn't exist and If you bought your council house you were considered rich. We didn't know anyone who owned a home.

I do own now. My husband and I were lucky, especially in the city we live in! But no help. I even had to pay for my dad's funeral on a credit card £4k, because what he left wasn't enough.

For me no its normal. And id be surprised if anyone said it was.

No, it's not normal in any sense of the word. It discourages saving and sacrifice, ruins self reliance, perpetuates the idea that life is handed to you on a plate, and ingrains them in this bizarre belief about "getting on the property ladder". It also makes parents who cannot afford it or who choose not to do this, seem stingy when in fact they are just carrying out good parenting. Europeans do not have this obsession. Offspring learn to live according to their means, if they want something they save up for it themselves, struggle is not viewed as something to be avoided but is character building and lesson-learning, they are not scrounging off their parents and therefore have the sense of satisfaction of knowing "this is my home, I did this" whether that be rental or buying.

It's become a horrible trend in some parents and expectation by holding out hands grown adults.

We're saving our child benefit into a separate account, so will hopefully have around £20k to give dd when she needs it for a house. It's not costing us anything as such that way, so we can afford it.

On MN it's not only normal, but expected. When your nearly 30 something working child is in a LTR and gets pregnant, it is up to you to buy them a house. Anything less would be utterly selfish.

My brother and sister both got help from my father while DH and I didn't. I'm very proud of the fact that DH and I have been able to save so much. Today we own two homes that we purchased for $3 million putting down 35% deposits on each of them when we purchased.

I'm under 40 and DH is 41 so we are young to have achieved this. It's not been easy with both of us studying while starting our family while working FT. Compromises have been made. I took an 8 week leave with DS and we have worked extremely hard in our jobs and the businesses we run. We also live 3000 miles from family to achieve this.

We also help DHs family out a fair bit. We paid off SILs mortgage and bought my PIL their flat as well as buying them a car. With my father I fly over to him a lot.

Europeans do not have this obsession.

Well that's a big generalisation about a big continent. There are plenty of places where expectations of supporting adult children are much higher than in the UK, and plenty where they are lower.

My partner's parents gave him back the digs be had paid them for the last year when he bought a place which was a nice bonus for him.

My mum could never afford to give me anything but is supportive other ways but my gran and grampa have 3k in a separate bank for me for if I get married. Which she reminds me every. Single. Time I visit. Calm doon granny 😂

I am in my late 20s and don't know anyone in RL who was given a deposit by theit parents, a lot that lived with parents 'rent free' to save for a deposit.

I think it is the norm when people can afford it. They give according to their means. They might help out a child who is single and has less money than a married couple where both earn a fair amount.

I suppose in the dim and distant past when people stayed at home until they got married then saving was a lot easier as they wouldn't have been paying high rents.

@IrregularCommentary
"We're saving our child benefit into a separate account, so will hopefully have around £20k to give dd when she needs it for a house. It's not costing us anything as such that way, so we can afford it."

Wow! Great to know that those of us without kids and without wealthy parents are scrimping to find deposits whilst shelling out tax for the next generation of elite to be able to buy their own places!

We are relatively well paid but have not given DSSs money towards deposits. We've helped them out with £1-2k when really needed but that's all. DSS2 & his GF are buying now & have saved up about £30k for a deposit, they've lived on a strict budget for about 2 years to save it. For me, that's the 'right' way to do it, it is what both DH & I did in our 20s anyway.

When people say 'if they can afford it', what does that really mean?

Does it mean foregoing non essentials/luxuries to give them the cash instead? E.g. give them the £6k we'll spend on our next holiday instead of going away and the £3k we're spending on a home improvement?

Or does it mean giving away our rainy day/retirement savings?

Both boys were also given about £3k each at 18 & frittered it away.

Europeans do not have this obsession.

Europeans have a completely different attitude to home ownership. Probably because they have a rental market that is geared towards long term renting, with rent controls, stronger tenants rights, etc. We do not enjoy that in this country so it's not a character failing for people to need assistance to get a secure long term place to live; or for parents to want to offer that.

I don't feel it's all down the social class, some of it can be lifestyle. Speaking from personal experience I grew up feeling a bit put out that my parents didn't buy my loads of new clothes, expensive Xmas and birthday presents, we didn't go abroad every year, my mum's friend cut my hair and, when I turned 17, there was no shiny car sitting on the drive like a lot of my friends got. When my parents retired, my dad's company car went back and he never replaced it. They do treat themselves to holidays now, but live frugally (no tv subscriptions or anything else they feel they don't really need). Although I felt resentful at the time, I'm now so thankful they chose to live like this as they are in a position to help me, my siblings and their grandkids. Meanwhile I'm sat at work listening to how much my colleagues are spending on next years' holidays, prom dresses, the latest iphones/ipads for xmas etc. for their kids. One of them went to the hairdressers with her 2 teenage daughters at the weekend and it cost her £240, I don't think my mum spent that on my hair in the whole 24 years I lived with them, that's £2k a year, part of which could be going into a deposit for them. It's a personal choice of giving your kids everything now, or helping later for a lot of people.

Actually this reminds me there was recently a TV ad running with this theme and it really irritated me because it set an expectation that parents should which seems wrong and 'grabby' (for want of a better word) to me.