To wonder if feminism fucked us over

[splendidisolation]

Looking around at lots of relationships -

Women got the right to work and make money.

In many cases this seems to mean that they now have the right to pay bills, rents and mortgages as well as doing the lions share of cooking, household chores and childcare whilst feeling under intense pressure to engage in hardcore grooming and be sex goddesses.

In the 60s many women didnt work and let their lady gardens grow free - it was all men really knew or wanted.

Fast forward 50 years and they're expected to have careers and strip it all off.

Im muddling loads of points here but does anyone see what I mean?

My DP is pretty good but I still pull more weight than him. The other evening I got home late and started to get up to make dinner. He was like "dont bother yourself making dinner, lets just make sandwiches".

Sandwiches? Bother? I mean, I appreciate the gesture mate but its like...why not just make fucking dinner yourself?

Sorry for this rambling, ranting and general mish mash of thoughts.

Feel free to muse!

Just pouring myself a mug of wine, as you do.

It's called the 'dual burden'.
I don't think feminism fucked us I think it just has further to go. I think that's why some young girls say that there's no reason for feminism, because they haven't yet experienced this !

I know what you mean OP. There is alot of general pressure on women that just isn't on men

I don't think feminism fucked us over. It gave us the opportunity to work and be financially independent. Regarding wifework ( women doing household/child rearing chores), the fact that it is not always a fair division of labour would suggest to me that we still need feminism

Thats certainly not how it is in my household, and I'm sure mine isn't the only one that differs. Though I can see where your coming from

I have often thought this myself. Ok the right to make my own decisions and not need a man is great, can't really moan about that! But it does seem we still do all the "home" stuff plus have the pressure to provide.

although I'm now separated and surviving with 3 DC alone and in ye olden days I'd still be there having to put up with the shit!

@Neverknowing Completely. I never realised until my first relationship in which we essentially live together in all but tenancy agreement. Its fucking mental. We have to be super human. Im sure there will be posters on to say their DP does x y and z and thats great, but i dont believe they are the majority.

Also, my partner (and a lot of men I know) don't expect their partners and wives to do everything. It's just some men! Maybe it's older men more because that's what they've grown up to expect, hopefully we've grown even since then!

So yes as PP says, this layer of feminism is crap, lets push it on for our young girls to the next stage of total burden sharing equality!

Yes , I think the same.it used to be the main breadwinners wage was nought to support a family, pay mortgage, buy food, simple holidays. Now most of the time 2 wages do not do that and then there is childcare. It is very sad. I am sure in that the women who got us the vote and the woman on the 60's didn't see that.

Both my grandmothers and my mum worked when I was growing up. It is a fallacy that women have only just entered the workplace.

I've met many couples who are both doctors, or both solicitors etc and it makes me wonder how much this affects extremes in income - now that families can have two large wages coming in rather than two separate families with one good wage. It was certainly an unintended consequence but not sure how it could be avoided without denying women the right to work in professional jobs.

Sorry should have said enough to pay not naught to pay!

Without feminism, you'd still be making dinner, you'd just be doing it with no money of your own and no prospect of making any. Although it's worth pointing out that even back in the day, not all men behaved like this. My grandpa (who is now over 90) used to work split shifts and go home in between to do housework with my grandma so they could both sit down together when he finished work. Some men just take the piss. Others do not. The trouble is that society still makes it easier for a man to take the piss and feel like he's an equal partner. But that's not feminism, that's patriarchy.

It's not that feminism fucked anyone over. It's just that we haven't finished yet.

Hmm. I think problems with equality within individual relationships are just that, individual issues.

If your partner doesn't pull his weight then that's a problem with your partner.

I thought the idea of feminism and equality was that you are able to go out and have a career etc, not that you are expected to.

But on a societal level we can be pretty shitty to each other and especially to women and ESPECIALLY to mothers, so in my very humble opinion it can be difficult to see where the exact need for more feminist campaigning lies and when there is a need to stand and say "fuck you you cunts, I don't care if you criticise my life choices as they are mine to make."

Very pregnant and hormonal, no idea if this is making sense...

It's not feminism... it's another version of the same old shit, trying to pretend it's being caused by feminism. Only half of the job has been done (if that), in that restrictions on women have mostly been lifted in the uk, but men (generally) have not made any changes to their expectations and most don't want to.

Feminism certainly didn't fuck us over. But there is a long way yet to go.

We are the first generation I think that have experienced this - although many of our mothers did to some extent

Things will change but there is a lot of
Pressure on us to raise our boys and girls to expect differently

But yes we are the knackered generation aren't we

Capitalism fucked us over. It took feminism an exploited it for its own ends, same as it does with everything it touches.

This generation isn't anymore tired than any other.

I'm very happy with my vote, my right to not be raped within marriage, my access to contraception, my access to abortion, my right to keep my job after marriage, my right to be paid equally, my right to education, my daughters' rights to equal access to sports in school etc.

Most times it is women's husbands or partners fucking them over. Not feminism.

I think WW2 was a massive game changer in so many ways - it's still early days compared to the (4000) years before

I am not exactly sure when humans came into existence

Luna, exactly - if the family unit sees 2 breadwinners as the norm everyone has twice as much to spend on housing so the houses double in price! Single parents really lose out there too.

Queen it depends on class though ?

Working class women must have been beyond shattered - unimaginably so

But upper class women reallly had quite empty and idle lives in some cases

The vast majority of women were working class. Overwhelming so.