To wonder if feminism fucked us over

[splendidisolation]

Looking around at lots of relationships -

Women got the right to work and make money.

In many cases this seems to mean that they now have the right to pay bills, rents and mortgages as well as doing the lions share of cooking, household chores and childcare whilst feeling under intense pressure to engage in hardcore grooming and be sex goddesses.

In the 60s many women didnt work and let their lady gardens grow free - it was all men really knew or wanted.

Fast forward 50 years and they're expected to have careers and strip it all off.

Im muddling loads of points here but does anyone see what I mean?

My DP is pretty good but I still pull more weight than him. The other evening I got home late and started to get up to make dinner. He was like "dont bother yourself making dinner, lets just make sandwiches".

Sandwiches? Bother? I mean, I appreciate the gesture mate but its like...why not just make fucking dinner yourself?

Sorry for this rambling, ranting and general mish mash of thoughts.

Feel free to muse!

I think it's men who were raised by a sahm. My dh was and while he's pretty good it fucking really winds me up that he genuinely thinks he does 50% of the household chores. FIL is lovely but the laziest man I've ever met around the house.

My df also had a sahm and he says now how hard my dm has always worked as she kept our house tip-top and worked ft.

Yes, a lot of mothers are to blame for their sons being bloody useless husbands and partners.

Unfortunately, there are still a lot of women who will continue to treat their sons like gods, and so it will continue.

Don't forget the whole delaying childbirth for the sake of building a career until you are practically infertile.

I don't know if my MiL considered herself a feminist. But she and my FiL raised two boys who certainly aren't shy of doing their bit in the house. FiL is still very firm that you both chip in and crack on in a relationship, and that shows in both his sons.

I have a ds and I consider it my (and DHs) feminist duty to raise him to be a functioning man - i.e. one who steps up to the plate domestically and doesn't rely on others to cook, clean, write cards or otherwise function as a human being. If I had a dd, I'd raise her to expect nothing less of a partner.

So we've now gone from blaming feminism for men not pulling their weight to blaming MILs instead? Why not just blame the lazy arse men?

I completely agree with you OP, and I'm finally very happy to hear someone else say the same that I have for many years.

I also think it's fucked us over immensely, in terms of the value of money, and the costs of pretty much everything. Take property for example. With women working and making joint mortgage applications, property prices have been allowed to increase very easily.

I also don't like the fact that nowadays, girls and women are discouraged from wanting to marry and become sahm's, and it's no longer seen as an option or choice. Everyone is supposed to aspire to having a career. We used to be almost resigned to the fact we'd just be married off and be baby machines, but now all we are encouraged to do is work, work, work. Neither one is correct in my opinion.

I say the above as someone who has a postgraduate qualification, had a successful career, and is now a sahm, whilst studying again part time at University. I'm very pleased we can gain an education and be successful in our careers, but do believe that marriage and being a sahm (the traditional way), should still be seen as a viable option after leaving school. As feminism has fucked us over though, most girls and women have to work, including after having children, and then have to juggle everything.

Feminism didn't fuck us over; very little has actually changed to enable women to manage all the extra workload and responsibility.

PigsDofly - I disagree. It's their fathers fault. I have two sons, however hard I try to influence them, they want to grow up be just like their Dad so take their ideas of what is expected of a man from him, not me.

absolutely Queen - at some point these babies stop being their mothers children and become adults - it's an excuse - and stop blaming women for it!

I'm always telling a family member about how she's being taken for a ride by her partner and how he has a very sexist and chauvinistic mentality.

She is the main earner in the house, so uses her wages to pay all of the bills (he is then meant to pay most but not all towards everything else), it's then her that has to do all the running round after the kid's (he considers it a favour if he picks the kids up from school or looks after them when she very occasionally goes out), it's also her that does all the housework (except for the occasional one day every couple of months when he decides she's not cleaning properly and goes on a bleaching session right through the kitchen and living room, but messing everywhere else in the process) and then he also tries to claim all his money as his own and accuses her of trying to spend all his money.
He is so bad that when she's said she needs money for food shopping or kid's clothes, she has later found him checking receipts to see she hasn't spent less and pocketed some, but doesn't mention anything when seeing that the money he handed over didn't cover what was spent

It was seeing their relationship that made me promise myself to never put up with a relationship like that, and played a big part into why I'm now a single parent.

Men really don't do an equal share of housework, every study I've ever seen shows the women do considerably more.

I'm amazed that anyone can assert with a straight face that it's women's own fault for not having the financial wherewithal to hire a cleaner, send out laundry etc etc.

Have to say, both my daughters partners more than pull their weight and my son definitely does, so certainly things are improving in my family.

Women always worked. It's a myth, I think, that most women sat about letting their lady gardens grow free.

It's not feminism that's the problem. Feminism is great. It's the fact that it exists within a patriarchy. So, you want sexual freedom? Sure, you can have the freedom to be whichever cipher of male fantasy is fashionable right now. You want a career? Fill your boots but don't forget there's washing to be done and if you're one of the thousands of women who face discrimination at work for being pregnant - well you wanted equality so that means no special treatment and so on and so on.

Why aren't we blaming fathers and fathers in law for not teaching their sons to do their fair share around the house?

(I mean they did let their lady gardens grow free but they did not just sit about!)

Queen I'm saying they are used to seeing the woman work in the home. It's not MIL or DM fault.

It's not blaming, it's pointing out a fact. Or aren't we allowed to do that

Oh I forgot to mention in my little rant, I don't really think it's a problem created by feminism, but more that there's still quite a long way to go when it comes to gaining equality.

Thanks mirime

I am very embarrassed to have actually said that

off to read some history books

Because the men 'worked outside the home' and the women 'worked inside the home'.

I am sure that the romans trimmed their pubes actually

No, feminism hasn't gone far enough!! We still think child raising and cooking and cleaning are "a woman's responsibility"

And RICH women maybe didn't have to work in the 50s but the working poor sure did. And I'm sorry, I don't consider financial dependency and reliance on the mercy of a man to be a great deal/walk in the park. My grandmother was abused with no way out and resigned herself to it. Kills me to think of that and I thank god for feminism frankly

Those who blame feminism only for he current state of affairs, should it not have happened, or happened differently somehow? Would you want to see women's freedoms curtailed to benefit us?

It seems to be instead of women having it all, they're just doing it all instead.

Working and all the household shit as well.

Yes, a lot of mothers are to blame for their sons being bloody useless husbands and partners.

And if a man is useless at work, do you blame his mother for that too? This fucking drives me nuts.