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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if feminism fucked us over

376 replies

splendidisolation · 28/09/2017 20:11

Looking around at lots of relationships -

Women got the right to work and make money.

In many cases this seems to mean that they now have the right to pay bills, rents and mortgages as well as doing the lions share of cooking, household chores and childcare whilst feeling under intense pressure to engage in hardcore grooming and be sex goddesses.

In the 60s many women didnt work and let their lady gardens grow free - it was all men really knew or wanted.

Fast forward 50 years and they're expected to have careers and strip it all off.

Im muddling loads of points here but does anyone see what I mean?

My DP is pretty good but I still pull more weight than him. The other evening I got home late and started to get up to make dinner. He was like "dont bother yourself making dinner, lets just make sandwiches".

Sandwiches? Bother? I mean, I appreciate the gesture mate but its like...why not just make fucking dinner yourself?

Sorry for this rambling, ranting and general mish mash of thoughts.

Feel free to muse!

OP posts:
tippz · 28/09/2017 21:15

Agree. Feminism fucking stinks. Hmm

Couldn't agree more with the OP!

Women now have to work and pay towards bills and rent and food, AND do most of the grunt work and drudgery around the house, AND be largely responsible for the childcare, whilst the man carries on his life as normal; doing fuckall, except going to work. Men see their responsibility as going out to work, and the woman's responsibility as everything else.

I cooked dinner tonight, (took an hour,) and then I went for a walk, and for a swim, and put all the recyclables out for the bin men, and tidied up the garage and shed.

My lazy fucker of a husband had spent the whole 2.5 hours I was away on the playsyation and netflix, and the kitchen was still a bombsite. Fuck all done, and pots and pans and plates EVERYwhere.

So I ended up doing it, and then have a full day at work tomorrow, like I did today. (Stupid me!)

Makes me wonder why we bother being with men at all. We should all just fuck them so we can have a baby, and then just stay on our own. Most men are about as useful as a fucking chocolate ironing board. (Can you tell I am pissed off right now.)

Even one of my feminist mates who is 33, who is a strong career woman and feisty and like 'I am woman hear me ROAR!' is having a tough time in her well paid professional career. And the other day she said 'ya know what - sometimes I wonder if it's worth just fucking it all off, jacking in the towel, and becoming a farmer's wife and a mom. Fuck the workplace and the career ladder.'

I was shocked to hear her say this, but I kind of agree. We fought for equality and to be accepted as part of the workforce, but in some ways, it's done us more harm than good, as we now have to do pretty much everything in the home, the childcare AND go out to work! (And despite what someone said earlier, many women did NOT go out to work 50+ years ago!)

And anyone thinking of coming on here saying 'Don't tar men with the same brush; MY husband shares the work at home 50/50,' or 'my DAD does most of the housework,' save your breath, coz I don't believe you!

And as for people saying it's not the fault of feminism, it's the fault of men, bullshit; it's feminism that's caused it. And anyone who thinks women can't be raped within marriage any longer, and they are paid equally and treated equally in the workplace, etc etc, you are living in cloud cuckoo land. And women have had access to abortion and contraception for over half a century in the UK. So that has naff-all to do with anything.

Feminism HAS screwed us over - royally!

maudeismyfavouritepony · 28/09/2017 21:17

I agee OP. Then your DP says 'you could do a lot worse than me' or "I do more than your Dad did'.

Great. You'e telling me I haven't totally scraped the bottom of the barrel, just nearly.

He hates the feminist in me that means I have my name and so do my DC. He loves the feminist in me that had a career, saved loads of money and had the down payment on a house that allowed him to own a property with me.

MyLittleDragon · 28/09/2017 21:17

What's the alternative to a capitalist society, that will allow opportunity for prosperity for all and will provide women with exactly the same opportunities as men?

How can you have businesses where all are on one level (ie receptionist, or middle managers, or CEOs?

How do you reconcile the fact that not all people are born equally intelligent?

Anymajordude · 28/09/2017 21:19

It really hasn't screwed us over. We just aren't equal yet. It takes a long time to change attitudes and social expectations especially when lots of people don't understand feminism. Keep fighting.

KatharinaRosalie · 28/09/2017 21:20

How on earth is feminism to blame if you've decided to marry a lazy slob?

tippz · 28/09/2017 21:21

All men are lazy slobs when it comes to the home and childcare.. Don't pretend they're not.

QueenLaBeefah · 28/09/2017 21:23

No, they are not.

AssassinatedBeauty · 28/09/2017 21:24

Wow, so women who doesn't shave their pubes is sexually repressed? Ok...

ghostyslovesheets · 28/09/2017 21:24

bullshit; it's feminism that's caused it. And anyone who thinks women can't be raped within marriage any longer, and they are paid equally and treated equally in the workplace, etc etc, you are living in cloud cuckoo land

how has feminism caused it?

and also where on this thread has anyone said that?

GardenGeek · 28/09/2017 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wheresmytaco · 28/09/2017 21:27

Yeah it was really great when you is to stay with your husband and could be pishednin to marrying him in the first place.

Because you got to stay home.

Feminists don't want women doing al the work, they just haven't managed to get everything yet. This is down to Non feminists and men refusing to pull their weight and give a shit about equality

FlowersFriends · 28/09/2017 21:27

Yy GardenGeek. Marry someone who knows you're not domesticated Grin

Wineisgreatmate · 28/09/2017 21:28

I agree OP!! 🙂 I would b quite happy being a stay at home mum, I love being a mum and I love my kids! I miss them when I'm at work and gate sending to nursery :( but nowadays it's impossible to live on one salary :(

PerspicaciaTick · 28/09/2017 21:29

I'm not sure why women are blaming feminism for the fact that they marry lazy, rapey men. Surely the blame sits with the lazy, rapey men - not the feminists who want men to be less lazy and rapey?

Spudlet · 28/09/2017 21:30

I am a much lazier slob than dh when it comes to housework and the only reason I'm more on the ball when it comes to childcare is that I'm the one who does it all day - but guess who just leapt off the sofa and ran upstairs when ds woke up? Wasn't me.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 28/09/2017 21:30

all men are lazy slobs no, this is propaganda put about by misogynist lazy slobs

FlowersFriends · 28/09/2017 21:30

Maybe we should be in foursome relationships. 2 of the group go to work and financially provide and the other two look nice, provide great sex and cook home cooked meals and do DIY. I would be really up for this!

Mittens1969 · 28/09/2017 21:31

I am very fortunate in my DH, he's always been happy to do practical jobs around the house. I think it helped that he was single, living in his own house, before he met me, so he was used to doing things for himself.

One thing I called him on early in our marriage was him saying he was putting on a load of washing 'for me'; he lives here too so it's for him as well.

speakout · 28/09/2017 21:32

No lazy slob man here either. I wouldn't want one.

I have 20 hours a week more free time than he does.

Dustbunny1900 · 28/09/2017 21:33

katherinarosalie Grin 👏🏻
"All men are dogs/slobs/cheaters/etc". "Boys will be boys". "Well that she men for you, what did you expect?" Gross lies used to forgive and tut tut when men are asked to behave as responsible mature adults. Let's stop perpetuating that bullshit.
Yes of course women can still be raped by heir husbands, but at least it's actually recognized as rape now. It wasn't just 25-30 years ago, just ask trump
Same w the rest, it's progress just not enough.
you can go ahead and find yourself a man who wants to financially support you and your pubic hair style if you want, that's the beauty.but when or if he turns into an abusive monster there's a hell of a lot more opportunity to leave and not be stuck in a hell w your children. To own your own car and home and be an independent adult. I just don't get this

Dustbunny1900 · 28/09/2017 21:36

Feminism has single handedly caused inflation too right Hmm

magpiemay · 28/09/2017 21:37

I haven't read all the comments but OP your original chord has really struck a chord with me...

I agree that women are now expected to do all that they were previously and to work on top...

I think men are gradually becoming more involved in child rearing and household management but usually only on the instruction of their other half

I think it's called the mental load... women not only do more but also do all the planning and thinking!

Feminism still has so far to go

I think the best place to start is to raise the next generation of men to understand they are obliged to do half and next generation of women that they don't have to do it all

Carouselfish · 28/09/2017 21:42

The only thing I think is fuckoffable is that it seems to make it the norm to look down on women who don't want to take advantage of 'having it all' or who want to live in more traditional roles.
It should be about choice, the freedom to have that choice, not about pouring scorn on what they've done centuries prior to now.

I also have a massive problem with the beauty issue. Ie. Beach body ready ads are anathema, saying something positive about your looks is, according to numerous posts on MN, shallow, big headed etc etc, whilst on the other hand, saying you're beautiful when you're obese, for example, is applauded. Maybe confidence in general is what we should be encouraging, rather than trying to crush those we consider to be tying their 'beauty' to the male gaze.

Slimthistime · 28/09/2017 21:45

OP why do you both "live at yours"?

What's wrong with sandwiches for dinner as well? Good solution when tired. Why did you tidy up your flat because of his flat? That's your choice.

Advertising and appearance - yes some of this has to be followed at work but outside, do what you like. The advertising partly multiplies by a million each year because of people buying into it.

just5morepeas · 28/09/2017 21:48

That isn't the fault of feminism. It's the fault of the sexist society that we live in. It just means that feminism has a way to go until we are truly equal.