To think it's my choice when I start maternity leave?

[MrsAlbie]

I'm nearly 25 weeks pregnant with DC1 and need to let my employer know when I intend to start my maternity leave.

I've had a little look at dates myself and by using two weeks of annual leave, I can finish work at 33+5 but technically begin my mat leave/pay a few weeks later at 36+1.

I work 40 hours in a pre-school, so it's not a desk job. Whilst it's not mentally taxing, it is physically demanding/draining and you need to be 'on it' all the time.

My husband thinks I should keep going until later on in the pregnancy 'because I had a colleague who kept going until the end' . When I tell him it's my choice, he says it's not and that because it affects our finances (I'm only entitled to SMP) he gets a say too.

In order not to drip feed, we're not struggling financially and he earns significantly more than I do. All money has always been shared (one joint account, no separate accounts). I intend to take 39 weeks off and return to work PT. I don't really enjoy my job and I think my husband thinks I just want to get 'away' asap. Pregnancy so far as been straight-forward, but as I head towards third trimester I can already feel myself slowing down and know it's not going to improve until baby is here!

AIBU to insist it is my choice? Is 33+5 in a physically demanding job really too early?

Yanbu. DS was born at 34 weeks

Not too early at all! I went at 34 weeks with a desk job. Your husband is being a twat.

It's your choice as it's your body. Maybe give your husband some time and then discuss again?

YANBU.
I have a had an active job when pregnant and needed to finish much earlier (by about a month) than I did when I was in a desk job.

I'd reply with with "Let's strap this 20lbs weight to your stomach, chaff your nipples until they're sore with sandpaper, restrict your sleep to only 5-6 hours of unbroken sleep whilst I kick you in the stomach and force you to pee every hour, and then I'll shove a grapefruit down your bellend at the end of it! If you can tolerate that I will keep going as long as you can"

I think finishing at 33 weeks is very sensible. I worked until 36, but I have a desk job & even then I was exhausted and wishing I'd finished up earlier.

The room to move might be on the other side of mat leave. Go back to work when bubs is 10 months instead of 11? Works out the same financially and you'll be physically better able to do it

Not being unreasonable at all. I'm 32w and self employed and have gone off now. I feel like death warmed up and am enjoying being able to take it easier. It's no ones choice but yours!

Up to you and what you can cope with, but the longer you have off before the birth means less paid time with your baby afterwards. your employer should be making adjustments to support you, eg maybe less time spent outside , not lifting equipment etc. They should certainly not be pressuring you to name your finish date.

Did his marvellous colleague do the same kind of job as you?

I'm leaving at 32 weeks (4 weeks holiday to use) stayed until 38 weeks with DC1 & I was utterly miserable towards the end.

It's your body, why should you not have a bit of free time & rest before baby arrives... may even be early as PP said

Also your husband better check his attitude pretty quick. There will always be some friend/colleague/cousin who sailed through an aspect of pregnancy or child rearing for him to unfavourably compare you to. It's unfair and unsupportive.

It's her husband who's doing that, viques, not her employer.

YANBU, I stopped at 27 weeks, took two weeks of annual leave and started my maternity leave at 29 weeks.

You never need to explain to people when you want to start resting for your baby. I had a long commute, and it was tiring my body. I’m more rested, and my baby is healthier for me stopping work when I did.

What wino said!

I had DS2 at 36+6 weeks. The cot was still in pieces, the baby clothes still in the loft. DS1 arrived at 41+6 weeks so I didn't finish work til 36 weeks and figured i had plenty of time to get everything done- I spent the next 4 years trying to catch up
I think in your job I would have been quite uncomfortable by 35 weeks, having to try and bend etc.

Your choice.

Today 18:16 Pengggwn

Ask him whether 'his say' is more important to him than his wife's physical and mental health. If he says yes, LTB.

Good grief. No need for such dramatics.

I worked until 39 weeks, and I regretted it. It was too much. The job was physical and the hours long. By the time I started mat leave I was an exhausted mess. Not great when you're about to pop a baby out.

sorry Silverbirch, I read it that her employer wanted her to name the date too.

Pregnancy 1 I worked til 39 weeks, was perfectly active, a little tired but ok.
Pregnancy 2 I worked until 37 weeks but could happily have stopped a month earlier, it was very tough going. (I was 10 years older though.)

I worked until 38 weeks. I should have left at 36-37 weeks. I say go as early as you want and enjoy doing things for you before the baby comes.

Read. Watch tv. Stay in your pjs on the sofa all day. Do all the things you won't get chance to do and bloody enjoy it!

I'm an early years teacher and finished at 32 weeks with all three of mine - all the bending down over small furniture, helping with shoes /clothes, sitting on the floor and as you say just 100% needing to be on it all the time was too much by then.

Your husband's choice of career also affects your finances, but do you consider that you've got the right to tell him to change career on those grounds? No.

It's your choice.